Are We Negotiating?
by DescendingAngel
Summary: Snape's return to the light once again, this time I just tried to make him more calculating and a little less heroic and selfless. (complete)
1. Are We Negotiating?

_No own, no money, no sue, thank you for the attention._

_*******_

  


Are We Negotiating?

  


The young man was sitting on the sandy floor in a corner of the dark chamber, picking up tiny stones from the ground and throwing them at the opposite wall. And this was what he had been doing for almost thirteen hours now. He was in his early twenties, his clothes were dirty and tattered and streaks of his black hair were hanging down in front of his eyes. These eyes were empty and simply staring at the wall while he kept concentrating on the question how much longer it would take him until he would run out of stones to throw. From the dungeons around him he heard low moaning sounds. At least the screaming had stopped. He had been taught how to deal with the presence of Dementors but now, having been here for two days already, he slowly began to feel their influence stronger. When he heard the sound of the key in the lock on the door he didn't even look up. The greenish light from the corridor cast a long shadow onto the ground in front of him, someone stepped inside and the door fell closed again.

A voice said.

It was a soft and warm voice. A voice he had heard before, often before. Still it took him a moment to figure out whose voice this was.

What leads a man like you to a place like this, Dumbledore? He whispered and slowly raised his head a little to catch a glance at his visitor.

The old wizard replied and sighed. Just how...

How did I come to this. The younger man interrupted him. How did I end up here. He was muttering in a very monotonous voice, staring at the wall again while trying to take the words the headmaster had prepared for him right out of his mouth. Haven't you always told me what a talented student I was? How good I was with potions? Why did I do this?

Dumbledore raised an eyebrow. Well, so we both know the question. What about an answer? He said calmly. What did Voldemort have to offer?

Severus didn't say anything. Instead he concentrated on listening. He knew if he only listened hard enough he would be able to hear the rain fall. Dumbledore wouldn't give up too easily though. He stepped towards the younger man, stood in front of him and folded his arms in front of his chest. What was it, Severus? He asked again but this time his voice sounded cold and angry. Fame and glory? Power? Money? What was it?

More than only that. Severus muttered, looked up at him and smiled coldly. Respect. Appreciation of what you are and what you can do without consideration of your family or the house some rotten old hat sent you to.

So whenever he tortures or kills one of you, you call that respect? Dumbledore said in a soft voice.

What did you come here for? Severus asked curtly.

To see if there's something I can do for you.

Sure there is, just get me out of here.

You know I can't.

You can't or you won't?

Severus smiled coldly. He muttered. Pity. Because I might actually have something to offer in return.

What could that be?

What sort of information? Dumbledore asked.

Information that might help you to safe the pitiful lives of some of your former Gryffindor students. Severus said and glanced up at him out of the corner of his eyes.

The old wizard remained silent for a few seconds. Are we negotiating? He then asked.

So what do you want? He asked, turned away and took a few slow steps through the small room.

You know what I want.

I can give you your life.

A life within these walls is worse than death. Get me out of here and I will tell you what I know.

Dumbledore took a deep breath. I will need time. I'll be back tomorrow. After having said this he walked to the door, it opened a little and as soon as he had stepped outside it fell closed again, leaving the young man alone in his dark prison.

Severus was truly surprised. It had been so obvious that his position in this negotiation couldn't have been weaker. He had regretted offering Dumbledore this deal as soon as the words had left his lips and had expected to be told that if he really had any information there were other ways to make him tell. Maybe Voldemort was right. Maybe the old man was really losing his mind and had simply forgotten that it would be oh so easy to make him do or say anything he wanted. He picked up another tiny stone and threw it against the wall. He wondered whether Dumbledore would really return. A terrified scream that would have made him shudder had he heard it for the first time echoed through the dungeon. Severus leaned back and took a deep breath. Another scream shattered the silence.

Just shut up and die, you bloody maniac! He shouted in return but the only thing he got as a reply was another scream. He leaned over to the side, let his body fall to the ground, covered his ears with his arms and closed his eyes.

He didn't get a lot of sleep that night. The man continued screaming and at a time which Severus reckoned to be about midnight he would have killed him with his bare hands for a few minutes of silence.

  


By the time they came to get him he was already sitting in his corner again and throwing stones. They entered the room without making a sound and now that they were coming this close he could barely fight the cold fear creeping up inside of him and draining him of all life anymore. Their gray long fingers grabbed his arms, pulled him to his feet and dragged him along the corridor. He didn't try to walk, he didn't even try to keep his head up. Only when he smelled fresh air he looked up but the bright sunlight stabbed his eyes like a dagger and he quickly squeezed them shut again. The Dementors seemed to have reached their destination, at least they suddenly let go of him and he dropped to the ground at Dumbledore's feet and when the old wizard stared over at the Dementors they quickly turned away and left. Dumbledore looked down at his former student with pity in his eyes. He had seen too many of his children end up like this.

Stand up. He said in a low voice.

Severus tried to but after having neither eaten nor slept for three days now he was already satisfied with being able to sit up.

How do you feel? Dumbledore asked. He only snorted in return. Listen, Severus... I had to ask a lot of people for a lot of favours to get you out of there. In return I expect you to tell me everything you know and to keep to my rules.

And what rules would that be? He muttered and glanced up at him, the sunlight still hurting his eyes.

From this day on I'm responsible for you. This means you will come to Hogwarts with me, you will not set one foot out of the castle on your own and you will not use any harmful magic. Spells will be put on you to ensure you will not have problems with keeping to these rules. The headmaster explained.

You call that freedom?

It's your choice.

Severus didn't really have to think about his offer. He knew that if he wanted to live he didn't have a choice. I suppose we have a deal.

Dumbledore gave him a kind smile and held his hand out to him. Severus hesitated for a second before he took his hand and let him pull him back to his feet. So do you really have any information for me? The old wizard asked.

You doubted it but still you helped me?

Severus arched an eyebrow. They might call that man wise but he definitely wasn't very good when it came to negotiating. It's Potter and Lily. Voldemort believes that their firstborn child will cause his downfall. He'll try to kill them.

Dumbledore nodded. Thank you. He said. I will make sure measures will be taken to prevent this. He reached out and seized the younger man's arm. I will take you to the castle. He said and looked deep into his eyes. This is your second chance, Severus. I'm glad I can offer it to you and I hope you will use it. He said in a very serious voice while staring straight into his eyes. Severus found it hard not to turn away. He didn't want to have to look into those eyes anymore. But never forget one thing: if you put only one toe out of line you'll be back here before you can even say a word.

Yes, sir. Severus whispered.

Dumbledore nodded and the two wizards disappeared.

  


They apparated outside the castle grounds and walked up across the meadows in silence. Severus didn't feel comfortable seeing this place again. He hadn't been here ever since he had finished school and actually he hadn't wanted to ever return.

Did I mention we're looking for a new teacher? Dumbledore said eventually.

No, sir.

Potions, actually. The old wizard said. Would you be interested?

I beg your pardon?

You have the talent. Dumbledore said. And it would at least keep you busy. So?

Severus hesitated for a moment. Of course I'd be interested. He then replied and when he looked up at the castle again he smiled to himself. He had never considered being a teacher here but thinking about it, it might actually be a hell of a lot of fun.

  


  


_********_

_I wrote this as a complete short story but then realised I might actually have a few ideas on how to continue this so I decided not to write the words 'the end' yet, so please let me know if you like it and if you think it's worth being continued or if I should rather type those two words below the last paragraph._


	2. The Oath

The Oath

  


Severus Snape left the headmaster's office an hour later, feeling very much like a fourth year student that had just received detention for blowing up something about the size of the whole castle. Already a few minutes into the conversation - no, it hadn't really been a conversation, it had been Dumbledore talking and him listening, every now and then proving that he actually still was following his words by muttering a curt 'yes, sir' - he had begun to doubt his decision. That man really expected quite a lot from him for doing him the little favour of saving his life. 

He looked up from the ground when he heard footsteps coming towards him. The new term would start in two days so he had expected to run into some teachers on his way and that was another thing he didn't look forward to at all. He had never gotten along too well with his teachers, not even with his head of house, but McDougan had anyway left the school one year after his graduation, so he could at least be sure he wouldn't meet him again. 

Severus was convinced his former transfigurations teacher would have recognised him would she only have looked up from the parchment she was studying while striding along the corridor. He was sure the incredible incompetence he had showed in his transfigurations classes especially in his last two years had left a permanent impression. And there was also another reason why she should still remember him well.

Professor McGonagall. He greeted her curtly as they walked past each other.

McGonagall looked up, stopped walking, turned around and stared after him without saying a word as he continued on his way. She quickly rolled up the parchment, put it into her pocket and started walking towards the headmaster's office.

Dumbledore was sitting at his desk and looked up at her when she entered the room, but she didn't even give him a chance to say something. She started, closed the door behind her and stood in front of his desk. What _on earth_ made you allow _that man_ back into this castle!

Since he just agreed to teach potions here I thought it would be appropriate to have him staying here as well. Dumbledore replied and leaned back in his chair. Have a seat, please.

McGonagall didn't feel like sitting down at all so she just kept standing there with her hands on the backrest of the chair in front of her. You can't be serious about this. She whispered, staring at him blankly.

I have my reasons, Minerva. And I do hope you will trust my judgement here.

I trust your judgement but I do not and never will trust that man. Not at all. She said coldly.

Neither do I... Dumbledore said thoughtfully. And none of us should. He took a deep breath, looked at his watch and smiled. Well, it's about time for lunch already. He said, stood up and guided McGonagall towards the doors. Would you please meet me back here tonight at nine o'clock?

Of course. She replied and allowed the headmaster to kick her out of his office in this very subtle way. It was quite clear that he didn't plan to join the rest of the staff for lunch today and walking down the stairs she really hoped Severus Snape wouldn't dare to show up in the Great Hall either.

  


Severus didn't. Knowing he wasn't welcome there would probably not have kept him away but right now he had some things to think about. He was standing at the window of the room the house elf had lead him to and staring down onto the meadows flooded with golden autumn sun.

It's been a while. He said softly, greeting the castle grounds he hadn't seen for such a long time. Thinking about it he realised that it hadn't really been that long, merely a few years. But they had been long years and a lot of things had changed during this time. Not here of course. Nothing ever changed at Hogwarts. But he had changed.

He turned away from the window, took a few slow steps across he room and sat down in the armchair standing in the corner next to the fireplace. Now that he was finally on his own he felt how exhausted he really was. Those days in Azkaban had left him in a state that couldn't quite be described as tired and hungry anymore. And he felt something else: the fear. He had suppressed this feeling while the Dementors had been prowling about the corridors right in front of his door and now that those Dementors were miles away the fear was coming back, digging its way to the surface from deep inside of him and demanding the attention it deserved. He closed his eyes, curled up in his armchair and fell asleep.

  


You're ten minutes late. McGonagall greeted him. She had obviously been waiting there at the entrance to the stairs leading to the headmaster's office to let him in.

_And I look as if I had spent those ten minutes with being chewed up by an Hungarian Horntail_, he thought to himself. I'm sorry. He said in a low voice and was glad to realise that sleeping for a few hours had brought him a step closer to being his usual self again. But this also meant that from now on he would have to watch his mouth if he didn't want to risk annoying these people.

She gave him a stern look that made him involuntarily lower his gaze to the floor and opened the door. To his surprise she didn't seem to have the job of a porter only but followed him upstairs. Dumbledore hadn't told him why he wanted him to come to his office which was already reason enough to make him feel uncomfortable - the fact that McGonagall seemed to be closely watching every move he made and didn't care to hide what she thought about him whenever their eyes met didn't really make the situation any better.

Please, sit down, both of you. Dumbledore greeted them and motioned at the two chairs on the other side of his desk. Once his visitors had taken their seats he did the same and flipped open a folder that was placed on the table in front of him.

He said eventually, took his eyes off the parchments and looked up at his former student. You don't really have much of a file at the Ministry. The headmaster said. Never drawn too much suspicion onto yourself, have you?

Severus hesitated, contemplating if any sort of reaction was expected from him. He hoped not because he didn't have any idea what to say about this. He had never really cared about what the Ministry knew about him, he had never had reason to, he had always felt safe and had been so sure they would never catch him. Fine, so he had obviously been wrong about that one. He concentrated on the old man sitting opposite from him again and watched him glancing over some more parchments.

You have been arrested three days ago by pure chance, you have been questioned by two aurors but you have not been taken to the Tribunal or any of the lower courts yet, is that correct? Dumbledore asked.

Yes, sir. Severus replied. Oh yes, he had been 'questioned', as they would call it - he wouldn't forget about this too soon.

The headmaster closed the folder, put it into the top drawer of his desk, folded his hands and looked at him. Congratulations. This means you now have a practically clean record.

Severus frowned. He couldn't quite decide which question to ask first but soon realised that the 'how' didn't actually matter. He asked instead, his voice calm and his black eyes fixed on the other man and awaiting his reaction.

A man in your position is extremely valuable to our side, Severus. The headmaster replied.

Ah, yes, he thought. They had spoken about this bit in the morning already. The bit regarding what he expected from him in return. And he had agreed on it.

Of course only as long as I can rely on your loyalty towards me. Dumbledore continued and then took a deep look into his eyes. Can I? He asked in a low voice.

Yes, sir. Severus replied quickly - a little too fast maybe to sound convincing, he thought.

Dumbledore nodded slowly. Are you willing to swear? A wizard's oath?

_Hell yes, whatever you want, let's just get over with this_, Severus thought. Yes, sir. He said again.

Are you aware of the meaning of a wizard's oath? The headmaster asked.

Speaking the truth, no. Severus replied. I suppose I would simply drop down dead once I'd act against it or something equivalent?

Despite the seriousness of the situation Dumbledore smiled at this. No, nothing of that kind. He then said. But it forms a strong emotional bond between two wizards.

_Excuse me? A strong emotional bond?! Now if that doesn't sound threatening... _Severus could barely hide a smile. _Why on earth should anyone care to keep to those promises? Tell me that, old man. How naive are you?_

I know that through everything you did and all the mistakes you made you always remained an honourable man, a man keeping to certain principles. The headmaster continued.

_Principles? _He couldn't really think of anything like that. Do whatever you want -unless the Dark Lord tells you differently that is- and don't give a damn about anyone else - could that be called a principle?

This is why I will rely on your word.

_Naive enough to dub a criminal an honourable man. _Severus had never really wanted to share his master's opinion about Dumbledore but by now he began to think that maybe he had been right, maybe he was just an old fool, naive, sentimental and weak.

  


He swore his oath just like Dumbledore had expected him to do. McGonagall was there as some sort of witness that seemed to be obligatory on this whole ceremony. Severus wondered if the headmaster even had the faintest idea how close to nothing this all meant to him. He didn't even care to memorize the words he had to speak, all he remembered was that it was something about loyalty, faith, strength and putting the fates of others above his own - a pathetic attempt of the 'good' side to make up for the unscrupulousness, cruelty, blind violence and hunger for power they were facing in this battle.

Then Dumbledore had given his wand back to him, told him that he trusted him and sent him back to his rooms.

Sure, that's how you trust me... Severus muttered, twirling his wand in his fingers as he walked down the stairs. He hadn't been too surprised to get it back - after all Dumbledore had placed enough spells on him to keep him from doing about anything at all. The probably most dangerous spell he could cast now to protect his own life in a fight would be to transfigure his opponent into a toad. That should be proof enough of how much the headmaster trusted him.

Once he had reached the corridor he put his wand back into the leather holster on his left leg - a habit very common amongst the Dark Lord's soldiers and thus something he would probably have to abandon if he didn't want to arise his new colleagues' suspicion.

  


  


_********_

_Thank you so much for your positive feedback =) I hope you will continue to enjoy this story._


	3. Old Friends and New Habits

Old Friends and New Habits

Severus woke up way too early the next morning. It had been a while since he had had a full night's sleep and he just wasn't used to it anymore. He took a deep breath and stretched his arms over his head. The sore muscles were gone and so was the stiff neck and the headache - this was a quite comfortable place to stay indeed. The warm light of the rising sun fell through the window and Severus hated it. If Dumbledore wanted him to stay he would at least have to give him a different room, one without a window facing east. But no, he wasn't going to stay anyway. It didn't matter.

  


It was exactly seven minutes past nine o'clock when he heard a knock on the door. He had been quite bored so he had spent the last thirty minutes sitting in an armchair and staring at the clock on the opposite wall but now he quickly jumped up, pulled out his wand and walked across the room to the door. Holding his wand behind his back - _So I can transfigure any evil lurking outside my room into an egg and some bacon and eat it for breakfast. Pathetic._ - he opened the door a little.

Professor McGonagall? He asked and put his wand back where it belonged without her noticing.

The headmaster asked me to take you downstairs to breakfast with me. She said curtly, eyeing him suspiciously and trying to catch a glance past him into the room as if expecting to find the Dark Lord himself hiding in there.

I appreciate that but I think I can find my way down there on my own very well, thank you very much. Severus said, took a step backwards into the room and was about to close the door again when McGonagall blocked its way with a foot.

The headmaster asked me to. McGonagall said once more. So if you'd please follow me.

He said slowly, reached out for his cloak and reluctantly set off to follow her. He truly hoped she wouldn't tell him now that breakfast was the most important meal of the day. He had heard that before, never cared about it and was now the living proof that you could actually survive without this most important meal.

Once they had reached the doors that lead into the Great Hall McGonagall stopped abruptly, turned around and gave him a scrutinizing look that reminded him a lot of a mother looking at her child before sending it off to school.

And it really wasn't easy for her to see more than the student in him, although she tried to. He had changed from when she had last seen him. He had grown even taller, his eyes had become colder, his skin was pale and he was just a little too thin - all in all he didn't look too healthy. She wanted to see him as the criminal - murderer most probably - he had become but there was still too much about him that reminded her of the child he had been, a student just as talented and intelligent as he had been impatient and headstrong.

After you. McGonagall said and pushed the door open. You're seated to the headmaster's right today.

He took a deep breath and started walking. He could feel their eyes on him. They were watching him with every step he took and while walking along the Slytherin table he realised for the first time how large this room really was. Most of the teachers sitting at the high table were no strangers to him and those who didn't know him had obviously already been told about him. For a moment McGonagall felt almost sorry for him - she wouldn't want to have to walk this way.

He finally reached his destination, sank down into the chair next to the headmaster and was quite relieved to see McGonagall taking the seat next to him. Dumbledore tried to make him talk as well as eat throughout the whole breakfast but Severus was quite content with a cup of tea and giving a few polite answers. Once the first people started to rise from their chairs he wanted to leave as well but the headmaster put a hand on his arm to hold him back.

I'd like to talk to you. He said in a low voice.

_Again? What an annoyingly communicative person..._

A few minutes later everyone else had left, Severus leaned back in his chair and folded his arms. He asked, trying in vain not to sound too arrogant.

As you of course know, the students will arrive here tomorrow night. Dumbledore said. I suggest that you use your time today to become familiar with the curriculum and you should also go through the supplies to see if anything is missing.

Yes, sir.

Well, what else... Dumbledore muttered. You already know most of your colleagues, I will introduce you to the few others during the staff meeting tomorrow morning. At ten o'clock. He added and stood up. But I think you should meet Professor Kohanek, he's head of Slytherin house. Come with me, I'll introduce you to him.

Severus got up and followed him across the hall. That name didn't tell him anything, he was quite sure he hadn't heard it before since he actually never forgot a name. Is he a Slytherin? He asked as they stepped out onto the corridor.

Dumbledore replied. He wasn't a Hogwarts student, he's from Durmstrang.

He's head of a house he hasn't even been in?

Dumbledore said slowly. You might not be aware of the fact that actually there are no former Slytherins among the staff at the moment. Except for you, of course.

  


Severus didn't like him. Probably mostly due to the fact that he wasn't a Slytherin. And because he had a job here that sounded way more interesting than his own: Defense against the Dark Arts. He had always held a special interest for the Dark Arts, even long before he had joined Voldemort. But Dumbledore would probably not want to allow him to even think about anything that had to do with that sort of magic. Not within these walls.

He spent the rest of the day exactly as the headmaster had told him and soon realised that teaching potions was going to be extraordinarily boring and probably only bearable whenever he could teach sixth or seventh year students. After making sure that the supplies in the storeroom where at least sufficient to get through a few weeks of teaching he wondered why he was actually doing this. How long was he going to stay here anyway? Then again, you could never know for sure, and it wasn't as if he had anything else to do with his time. He glanced up at one of the small windows near the top of the ceiling, noticed the sun was still up and decided to stay down here in the dungeons for a while longer, he actually felt quite comfortable here. He sat down at the desk in front of the empty classroom, opened the folder Dumbledore had given him and took a closer look at what he was meant to do in his first lessons.

He didn't notice the day turning into night and only looked up from his papers when he heard a knock on the door. The door opened and inside stepped the headmaster.

_Now who would have expected you here._

Ah, there you are. I thought I might find you here. He said and took a step to the side to make way for the man he had brought with him. And that was someone Severus definitely had not expected to see here.

Severus said in a calm voice. Lucius Malfoy gave him a cold smile.

I will leave you and your visitor alone now. Dumbledore said.

Malfoy indicated a bow to the headmaster, whispered a thank you very much and Dumbledore left the classroom, pulling the door closed behind him. Malfoy started stalking through the room and looked around.

He said in a low voice, standing in front of a shelf with his back to the other man. The rumours are true then?

Since I'm not familiar with any sort of rumours you might be talking about I cannot answer you this question. Severus replied.

Lucius whirled around, reached out, seized Snape's throat with his hand and pushed him backwards against the wall. He was staring directly into his eyes, their faces only an inch apart. Don't you ever think you can fuck around with me! He spat.

Temper, temper, Lucius. Severus said softly. I wouldn't have expected to hear anything like that from a man as distinguished as you. He wasn't afraid of Malfoy, they had known each other for too long by now. Although he knew he probably should be. Lucius easily lost control over himself once provoked or whenever he was under a lot of pressure and the way he was acting here was proof enough that there was something vexing him.

Malfoy let go of him, took a step backwards and turned around to have another look at the shelves lined up on one side of the classroom. So Dumbledore got you out.

That's why I'm here.

And you even got yourself a nice little job here. Lucius continued. Well paid, regular working hours?

What do you want, Lucius? His voice was a cold, dangerous whisper by now. 

Malfoy turned around to face him and folded his arms in front of his chest. You didn't turn your back on him, on all of us, did you?

Don't be ridiculous.

Actually I'm very serious. Lucius replied and started stalking across the room again. He smiled to himself. He knew he had made him nervous - that accent when he was speaking was only discernible when he was nervous. Our master has been waiting for your return.

Has he? He couldn't have sounded more indifferent.

Do you have any idea what you're risking? Lucius asked and stopped walking to look up at one of the small windows. He's not very happy.

Maybe it's you who's not happy? Snape asked in a low voice. Because I never had to suck up to him to prove my loyalty like you do every day?

Without warning Malfoy spun around to slap him across the face with the back of his hand. Watch your mouth! He hissed. Who do you just think you are... Lucius glared at him out of cold, hard eyes but Severus didn't look away. Lucius muttered. Come with me then.

I can't.

Lucius raised his eyebrows and gave him a questioning look. You can't? Why not?

Severus replied. I can't leave the castle.

What an interesting idea of the old man. Lucius muttered thoughtfully and then looked straight into Snape's eyes. Find a way. He said curtly. Tomorrow night. Don't show up and you're a dead man.

Having said this Malfoy turned around, strode towards the door and left the classroom, slamming the door shut behind him.


	4. Justifications

Justifications

It was a quiet and dark night and not a single star seemed to illuminate the black sky. The moon was hidden behind a layer of gray clouds and mist was rising from the damp soil of the graveyard. He could barely see the headstones surrounding them but he didn't have to to know they were there.

Quite a lot of the Dark Lord's followers had gathered here tonight, obviously more than only his inner circle. Lucius was standing to his left, Simon Bettany to his right - company he would have been quite comfortable with under normal circumstances. The only one still missing was Voldemort himself, but he would probably be here any moment now - he never kept them waiting for too long. An icy breeze crept across the graveyard and everyone present knew it announced their master's arrival.

Voldemort apparated in the center of the circle his followers had formed and the low murmur coming from their rows immediately died down. Severus held his breath. He wondered if it was only his imagination that made him think the Dark Lord was surrounded by an unusually cold and evil aura today.

Voldemort was standing with his back to him and speaking in a low, yet determined and powerful voice. Step forward. He said and slowly turned around to stare straight into his eyes, knowing exactly where to look for the man in question.

Severus did as he was told, slowly approached his master with his head bowed and fell to his knees in front of him. Voldemort reached down and let his long thin fingers run gently through his black hair. Suddenly he grabbed him by his hair and pulled him to his feet.

My talented little potions master. He hissed, a mad smile on his lips. I'm convinced you can explain this to me, can't you?

Yes, my lord. Severus whispered. 

Shut up! Voldemort spat, forcefully pushed him backwards and made him stumble and fall to the ground. Severus stayed right where he was, not daring to stand up again, the Dark Lord looming over him like a sword ready to race down and cut his head off. You were unfaithful. There is no excuse. There is no explanation. He whispered and smiled at him coldly. Punish him. He gave the order without ever taking his eyes off the man at his feet.

Out of the corner of his eye Severus saw one of the Death Eaters raising his wand and then the first curse hit him. He felt a wave of pain and his body was lifted up into the air and thrown down onto the ground again. Another curse followed only a second later and smashed him right into one of the tombstones. He swallowed and tasted blood. He blinked a few times, looked up and saw the statue of an angel looking down at him out of empty eyes, white marble against a black sky. Red sparkling light hit the ground next to him and he was sure the next curse wouldn't miss. He wanted to run but he couldn't get up, couldn't even crawl, the wet earth was slipping through his fingers as he desperately tried to get away.

Avada Kedavra! He could have sworn it was Lucius' voice.

  


He woke up with a start, sat up straight in his bed and gasped for air. It was still dark outside so he reached for his wand lying on the bedside table and with a wave of his hand lit some of the candles in the room. He glanced around, trying to focus on reality again and to make those figures wandering around his room transform back into the flickering shadows they really were.

Still over five hours until that staff meeting. He hadn't spoken with the headmaster yet, he would do it afterwards.

  


Having listened to discussions about the timetables for over an hour Severus realised that these staff meetings were probably even more annoying than the meals in the Great Hall and hopefully at least wouldn't occur as often. He stopped paying attention to what everyone was complaining about and instead started studying the plan with his working hours that had been placed on the table in front of him. The good thing about the fact that nobody here seemed to like him was that at least nobody talked to him and tried to swap lessons with him. He had truly doubted that meeting would come to an end before the students arrived but luckily around lunchtime everyone was either more or less happy or too hungry to want to go on with this.

Can I speak to you? Severus asked in a low voice when everyone else was getting up to leave.

Yes, I expected you would ask me that. Dumbledore replied.

In private. Severus added, glancing over at McGonagall who was the only person left still sitting at the table with them now. She raised an eyebrow and didn't look quite as if she wanted to leave but nonetheless stood up and strode towards the door.

Severus watched her and waited until she had closed the door behind her before he got up from his chair as well. He took a few steps towards the wall, turned around and saw Dumbledore looking up at him expectantly.

Last night I got a message. Severus started after having decided he wasn't going to get Lucius involved in this. Voldemort is awaiting my return to him now that I'm out of Azkaban.

You're working for me now. Dumbledore replied.

Yes, sir. Severus said. Nonetheless, I will be of no use to you once he finds out about this.

Dumbledore shook his head. I can't allow you to leave the castle grounds.

_You can't? You don't want to. You don't trust me to return to you. And you might just be right. _He rather kept his thoughts to himself. Sir, you have to let me go tonight. If I don't show up there, he will never trust me again and I will lose my position in this game which you dubbed so valuable to your side. _Your side. I should think about what I say before I say it. Our side would have sounded a lot better._

Dumbledore remained silent, thoughtfully staring up at him.

I have to go there. Severus repeated. Do anything you want, place a spell on me that forces me to return, anything, but let me go. To his disgust he realised that he sounded desperate. Although he thought he probably had every right to: if he wouldn't be there tonight, they would kill him, no ifs or buts. And they would get him, wherever he might hide. He didn't have a choice.

Dumbledore took a deep breath. Very well. He said in a low voice. I will let you go. However, before you leave, I will place a spell on you that will allow me to force you to apparate back here at any time within the next twenty-four hours. Do you agree to that?

Yes, sir. Severus replied quickly. _You're trying to keep me on a leash like a pet dog?_

  


It was a cold night and when Severus strode across the dark meadows towards the forest he could see the lights of the boats that were taking the new students across the sea. Dumbledore had told him exactly how far into the forest he had to go to get beyond the anti-apparition border and also it wasn't too far he didn't like the idea of wandering around there at night - there were way too many things living in that forest he'd rather not meet.

_Think well about what you say and do there._ The headmaster had said this to him right before placing that spell on him that was supposed to make sure he would return and Severus couldn't help but understand this as a serious reminder of who he was supposed to work for from now on. _Don't risk any more than absolutely necessary._ He had no idea what that was supposed to mean so he had simply replied with another 'yes, sir' before he had left.

  


He apparated outside Malfoy Manor. The dark old house seemed to stare down at him as he slowly walked up the small hill. He was prepared, he simply hoped he would get a chance to justify his actions. The heavy black door swung open as he approached it and revealed the gloomy entrance hall, illuminated only by a few small candles. The moment he closed the door behind him again Lucius stepped out of the shadows.

I'd rather welcome you here on a more pleasant occasion. He greeted him in a low voice.

I have nothing to worry about. Severus replied. He was nervous but he knew on the surface he looked calm and ready.

Lucius nodded. After you. He whispered and raised a hand towards the stairs leading into the basement. 

Severus noticed his steps becoming heavier the further he descended down into the dark dungeons. Everyone present turned their heads to look at him as he entered the room. Not a lot of them had gathered here tonight which he regarded as a good sign. If he had wanted to kill him he would probably have summoned everyone - setting a warning example needed an audience after all.

The air was heavy with anticipation and it was very quiet while everyone waited for Voldemort to arrive.

The man standing next to him whispered eventually.

_Simon Bettany. What a strange coincidence._

Severus lied.

I would be.

Why, do you have anything to hide?

Voldemort apparated in the middle of the room. His presence immediately filled the place and everyone could feel the aura of magic surrounding the powerful dark wizard. He let his gaze travel over his followers and each of them looked down before their eyes would meet. As soon as he was convinced that everyone he had wanted to be here was present he devoted his attention back to the man who was the reason for this meeting.

His voice sounded almost friendly. Come here.

Severus slowly took two steps towards him, only reluctantly leaving behind the false feeling of safety he got from standing between the others. Voldemort raised his hand and pointed his wand directly at the younger man's chest. He smiled, whispered something and Severus was thrown backwards with immense force, smashing hard against the stone wall. He sank down to the ground and as he raised his head again he could see Voldemort looming over him, still smiling.

Explain it to me, Severus. He whispered.

Severus started, but he was immediately cut off.

No. Explain _your _actions. Voldemort said, turned away and started to slowly walk across the room. Explain to me why you asked for his help. He continued, raising his voice a little. Tell me why you didn't have faith in me and rather relied on him to save you.

I have faith in you, my lord. He whispered. I didn't ask for his help, but when he offered it I saw it as an opportunity to...

Save your miserable life? Voldemort asked coldly.

To serve you, my lord. To pretend I was working for him and use my position to spy on him instead.

There was an endless moment of heavy silence and nobody even dared to breathe. Voldemort took a few slow steps towards him, kneeled down in front of him and reached out to let his long fingers run gently over his cheek. Still my loyal little soldier. He whispered so that nobody except for Severus could hear it and looked deep into his eyes. Very suddenly he jumped up again, whirled around and strode across the room back to the other Death Eaters that had been watching the scene from a safe distance.

Malfoy, Flatley, find out what he told him. He ordered sharply.

Lucius and another man stepped forward, walked over to Snape, seized him by his arms and dragged him along outside onto the corridor and into a smaller room.

Sit down there. Malfoy said and gestured towards a table and two chairs in the middle of the room. Severus did as he was told and Lucius took the seat on the other side of the table while Flatley remained standing a few steps behind him, his arms folded in front of his chest.

Lucius took a deep breath. See, Severus, you can have this the easy or the hard way, it's your choice. He said but Severus didn't react at all, he just kept staring down at the tabletop. What information did you give him? Malfoy asked.

Severus replied in a low voice.

Malfoy repeated. Slowly he pulled a silvery dagger from below his cloak, held it up in front of his eyes and stared thoughtfully at the light reflected in the blade. He didn't ask anything of you in return? Nothing at all? What a kind man indeed, isn't he?

I gave him false information, I made it up. Severus replied, following the shiny blade with his eyes.

Did you... Lucius muttered. The funny thing is, the day you got out, three of us were arrested. Completely unexpected, if you know what I mean?

Severus asked, looking up at him with a sneer.

Nicholas Flatley barked. Severus hadn't even noticed him taking out his wand. The curse hit him and threw him down to the ground. He lay on his side, curled up into a fetal position, his eyes closed and his muscles twitching. He fought the urge to cry out in pain with all his strength. Only a few horrible seconds later Flatley let his hand sink down again and Severus felt the pain slowly subsiding. The wizard that had just cursed him slowly walked over to him and held out his hand to him. Reluctantly Severus took it and let him pull him back to his feet. His knees were weak and he felt his hands trembling as he sat down at the table in front of Lucius again.

What did you tell him? Malfoy asked again, his voice as calm as ever.

I told him about an attack on an auror we had planned. Severus whispered. He felt too weak to speak by now. Dixon. I told him you were going to kill Dixon and his family the evening of the very day he got me out.

And what did Dumbledore say when it became clear that you lied to him? Lucius inquired.

He believed you had changed your plans after hearing that I had been arrested.

Malfoy nodded slowly. For a few minutes nobody spoke. He said eventually. Would you be willing to take it?

Of course. Severus replied. However, Dumbledore put a spell on me that will force me to return whenever he wants me to. The effect of the potion doesn't wear off too soon and it would be risky to let me return to him while still under the influence.

Lucius muttered. What other spells did he put on you?

Some that prevent me from using harmful magic, not to speak of the Dark Arts. He felt his muscles still twitching but at least the pain was gone now.

We will have to take care of that. Malfoy said and smiled at him. Give me your hand.

Severus had no idea what he wanted but still did as he was told. That was something he had learned in his time as a Death Eater - do as you're told, never ask why. Lucius gently took his hand and put it down on the tabletop. Palm upwards. He whispered and turned his hand around.

Severus looked up at him and the moment their eyes met Lucius plunged the dagger he had still been holding in his hand right through his palm and into the wood of the table. This time he cried out in pain. The pain wasn't as bad as that from the curse but it had come too unexpected to allow him any control over his reaction. Malfoy pulled the dagger out of his hand, Severus jumped up from his chair and stumbled a step backwards. He had seized his wrist with his left hand and was staring down at the blood running along his fingers and dripping to the ground.

That was my wand hand, you stupid bastard! He barked, glaring at Lucius. 

Malfoy put the dagger back beneath his cloak, stood up from his chair and slowly walked around the table. Let me help you. He said softly, reached out and took him by his wrist. With his other hand he took the white silk scarf he had been wearing off his neck and used it to bandage Severus' hand. Once he was done with that he looked up at him again and smiled. Just a reminder. He said in a low voice. Severus nodded.

You should go back now. Lucius said, put a hand on his shoulder and lead him towards the door.

  


*************

  


Thank you so much to everyone who wrote me a review :)

  


Aku Maru: Yes, I will try to make it a while before Snape decides where his loyalties lie.

shadowycat: I'm probably going to explain what got him thrown into Azkaban, as soon as I find a place for it ;)

  


Unless my inspiration comes back from where ever it might have gone to it will probably be a little longer than usual before I update this again because right now I don't really know where to go - so at least this chapter was a little longer than the ones before. I hope you liked it.


	5. Potions Classes

Potions Classes

When he pushed open the entrance doors he found the hall already brightly illuminated by the many torches on the walls. Footsteps could be heard and far away words were echoing through a corridor. At least most of the students were probably still sleeping but slowly the castle seemed to awake on this first day of the new term.

Excuse me?

Severus turned around at the sound of a voice and his well-trained glare hit a student standing a few feet away from him. The boy seemed a little surprised, involuntarily took a step backwards but didn't seem as if he could be brushed off that easily.

_A Gryffindor. Of course._

May I ask who you are and what you're doing here? The kid asked and eyed him suspiciously. I've never seen you here before.

Severus returned his scrutinizing look. _Gryffindor, head boy, fifth or sixth year probably._

And you would be? He asked, folded his arms in front of his chest and glared down at his student, taking advantage of the fact that he was quite a lot taller than that boy.

Ferdinand McKinley. The boy answered. Fifth year student and head boy of Gryffindor house. He too folded his arms in front of his chest and looked up at the man in front of him. It was very obvious he didn't at all feel as self-confident as he was trying to give the impression.

Severus gave him a smile so cold it should have turned the kid into an ice sculpture immediately. Pleased to make your acquaintance, Mr. McKinley. He said in a low voice and there was a dangerous sparkle in his eyes. Severus Snape, professor, potions. I believe we will meet again in my classroom in exactly two hours.

_If I remember that timetable correctly_, he added in a thought.

Ferdinand McKinley swallowed hard and tried a weak smile. Oh, well... I'm sorry, I mean... yes. He stammered and slowly backed away, feeling as if those cold dangerous black eyes were pinning him down to the ground and taking not only his ability to move but also to form a coherent sentence. I just better... I'll have to go now. Sir. The boy quickly turned away and set off across the hall.

Severus looked after him and smiled to himself. Now that had been fun. 

He heard footsteps and looked up to see McGonagall walking down the stairs. She kept her eyes fixed on him all the time, strode across the hall towards him and finally came to a halt a few steps in front of him.

So you're back. She said, her expression as stern and unreadable as ever.

May I ask if the disappointment that can be heard in your voice is caused merely by the fact that you were actually wrong when predicting I would not return or is it more because I'm still alive and well? He asked with a sneer.

Speaking about alive and well, what happened to your hand? McGonagall asked instead of going into his comment any further.

He replied quickly and let his right hand vanish somewhere in his long black cloak.

You might want to let Madame Pomfrey have a look at this 'nothing'. She said curtly, nodded at him and walked past him to the doors leading into the Great Hall.

Won't be necessary. He muttered under his breath, turned away and set off toward the dungeons.

  


Down in the classroom it was still comfortably dark - no direct sunlight but no need for candles either. He hoped it would stay this way during the day. He took a bottle from the shelf, carefully removed the bandage from his hand, opened the bottle and let the green liquid drip onto his palm. A burning pain spread across his hand.

He hissed through clenched teeth. If it hurts, it helps, right?

That's what they say at least.

Severus looked up and scowled at the man standing in the open door.

Are you all stalking just me or is it a common pastime activity among the staff here?

Professor Kohanek smiled at him - a genuine smile, as far as Severus could judge that. Actually we're all stalking only you. He replied. Probably because you simply seem to be the most interesting person around here at the moment.

What an honour... He muttered and began searching for something new to wrap around his hand. He remembered those first aid supplies had always been stored on top of the shelf in the corner - not as though he had ever needed any of it. But every once in a while he had at least been the reason it had been needed by someone else. He couldn't quite remember ever having used his talent when it came to potions in any sensible way, usually they had just always tried to make sure some Gryffindor messed up his work with their 'help'.

There are quite a lot of rumours about you. Kohanek continued, leaning against the door frame, his hands in his pockets.

Severus finally found what he was looking for, pulled a bandage out of the wooden box and wrapped it around his hand. He was quite convinced he didn't want to speak to that man and therefor didn't think it was necessary to pay much attention to what he was saying. Usually people left him alone as soon as they got the impression they were talking to a wall.

I just wondered how much of it is true. Some of them obviously can't be, while others... His voice trailed off, he raised an eyebrow and gave him a questioning look.

_Fine, one of the annoyingly persistent kind._

Severus said in a low voice as he turned around to face him. As a matter of fact, Professor... He paused and looked at him with a typical sorry-what-was-your-name-again-expression. He hadn't forgotten his name. He never forgot a name. Yet pretending to forget a person's name usually worked well to express his opinion about this person just as subtle as unmistakable.

He replied. But I'd prefer it if you'd call me Sascha, just like every other member of the staff.

Severus said with a fake smile. So, Professor, whatever rumours you might be hearing about me, I'm afraid I can not be of any assistance in your search for the ultimate truth.

Because first, something like the ultimate, objective truth doesn't exist. Second, I fail to see how any of this could be of your business. He said, strode across the room toward the door and stepped past him out onto the corridor. If you'd excuse me now, I'm expected to show up at breakfast.

_Which will hopefully be the less torturing of the two activities I can choose from._

  


Read the names from the list, tick them off one by one, glare into the classroom, write down the potion's name and ingredients on the blackboard. He had done this for the third time that day when he realized two things: He would have even less to do by next week when he could leave out the whole name-list-issue and this classroom seemed to magically attract incompetence.

He had given up walking along the tables and actually checking what the students were doing some time in the middle of his last lesson and was by now sitting at his desk, his arms folded in front of his chest and keeping a watchful eye on the whole room. At least it was quite easy for him to keep the class quiet. All the students seemed to have realised immediately that he was a bad person to cross and didn't want to find out what he might be like once he really had reason to be angry.

He didn't even care to move when thick yellow smoke started to rise up from a third year Ravenclaw's cauldron. He had already seen worse today. Even from here it was obvious what was wrong with that potion and he knew that although it would cause quite a mess nothing serious would happen so he simply sat there and watched. And watching was what by now all the students were doing as well while the two boys responsible started to slowly back away from their cauldron as the liquid began to bubble and spill over the edges.

Uhm... Professor? One of them said, staring down at the cauldron again now after glancing at his teacher in search for help and receiving nothing but an indifferent look out of those cold black eyes. I think we're having a problem here.

Yes, Mr. Southworth, I have to agree, you actually seem to have a problem with the completion of your task. He still sat motionless, his arms folded and didn't at all give the impression as if he was very interested in what was happening in his classroom.

What should we do now? The second boy asked, addressing anyone who might hear it, a slight panic in his voice. His fellow students simply shrugged their shoulders.

I'd suggest you should get used to the idea of spending your night with cleaning up the classroom. Severus said with a smirk.

Everyone stared at him blankly aside from two Slytherin girls who were obviously the only ones to understand his little hint and made a few quick steps towards the corner of the room just before the cauldron burst into pieces and sent its contents flying high up into the air, at the walls, over the tables and onto at least half of the students.

Severus stated calmly and glanced over at the clock in the corner, seeming to not even notice the scene of chaos and destruction that lay in front of him. This lesson will be over in less than a minute and until next time you will read chapters two, four and five. Mr. Southworth and Mr. Sturrock, you will show up here tonight at nine o'clock sharp to serve your detention. Having said this he rose from his chair to leave the classroom when he realised that all his students were simply standing there and staring at him. Class dismissed. He added, decided to leave it to the students whether they wanted to spend the rest of their day standing there and left the room for the headmaster's office. He didn't want to keep Dumbledore waiting, he had already been surprised he hadn't wanted to speak to him first thing this morning but told him to meet him after his lessons.

  


After reluctantly accepting the invitation to sit down in the chair on the other side of Dumbledore's desk, Severus spent a few moments staring out of the window and trying to find a way to start with his 'report'.

_Well, my master wanted some explanations from me, I gave them to him, telling him the truth aside from a little lie needed to save my life, idiot Malfoy put a damn dagger through my hand and now all the Death Eaters believe I'm their little spy. Yes, that was basically it._

I lied to them. Severus started in a low voice. I told them that you expected me to spy on them but that I would actually do exactly the opposite.

Did they believe you? Dumbledore asked.

I don't think I would still be here had they not.

So now he will expect you to return to him with some valuable information whenever he calls you.

In the first place he expects me to show up at all whenever he calls me. Severus muttered.

He shall not be disappointed. Dumbledore replied. You will of course attend those gatherings, we will have to strengthen his faith in you.

Severus hesitated a moment. So does this mean you will abandon the restrictions that are preventing me from leaving the castle? He asked carefully.

Dumbledore looked at him for quite a while, or looked through him rather, seeming to be lost in thought. He said eventually. Still, also for your own safety, please inform me when you leave the school.

Of course. Severus smiled. _That was a lot easier than I would have expected._

Dumbledore continued, changing his expression to something friendlier and less serious. How did you like your first day of teaching?

Severus raised an eyebrow. A variety of words going from 'incompetent spoiled brats' to 'dunderheads past praying for' popped up in his mind before he replied. I have to admit I was too occupied with teaching itself to allow myself to muse on the question how I liked it.

The headmaster smiled vaguely.

  


  


  


****************

  


_It's been a while since I updated, I hope you haven't forgotten about me yet and I still have some readers. Thank you so much for your kind and inspirational reviews :)_

_I hope you liked this chapter, please leave me a review if you have a few minutes time!_


	6. Betrayal

Betrayal

It was nearly a week before Severus received an owl telling him to meet with his fellow Death Eaters at Malfoy Manor. And this time he was actually looking forward to the gathering - though he didn't tell the headmaster about that, of course. He wasn't worried about the Dark Lord's faith in him and today his colleagues were finally going to try and remove some of those annoying restriction spells Dumbledore had placed on him. He hadn't planned on going out and using the Unforgivables as his evening pastime but nonetheless, even as long as he didn't want to use his powers, he didn't feel quite happy about having them taken away from him. It reminded him too much of a tiger in the circus, obeying its tamer willingly after having its claws pulled out. But that was not what he was and the old wizard wouldn't get a chance to turn him into a convenient little... whatever. He stopped in front of the black wooden door and looked up at the silver family crest above the entrance. This place really was creepy, gloomy even in the brightest sunlight and thus always perfectly suitable for a meeting of some of the most evil and most powerful wizards the world knew.

The door swung open and as soon as he had entered the dark corridor it fell closed again. He followed the lights of the torches along both sides of the hallway until he reached the small entrance hall where he found the mansion's landlord waiting for him already.

Lucius Malfoy greeted him. I already thought you wouldn't show up. He didn't show much of the calm and cold attitude that usually always was a part of him. He seemed to be quite excited about something.

It's not that easy to free myself from Dumbledore's clutches. Severus replied. What's so important anyway? He asked and raised an eyebrow to give Lucius a questioning look.

I think we might have found a way to turn you back into your old self, including all your magical powers. Lucius replied with a complacent smile.

Have you really... Severus muttered.

You don't seem to be very delighted about this?

I'm simply a little surprised that you should have managed to find a way to outwit the most powerful wizard of all times - and in a mere week even.

I didn't know you had such a low opinion of me. All of us actually. Lucius replied with a smile, started to slowly walk across the entrance hall and motioned him to follow.

What happened to your face? Severus asked casually as they were walking up the wooden staircase leading to the first floor.

Lucius raised a hand and let his fingers run along the deep scratches on his cheek. That bloody cat of yours happened to my face... He hissed. If it was as slow as it's stupid I would have caught it and the damn beast would be dead by now...

I'll take him with me tonight so you won't have to worry about hunting him down anymore.

You better should... Lucius muttered under his breath, pushed open a door on the left side of the corridor and strode inside. Come on now, we don't have all day. He said to a hesitating Severus, turned around, grabbed him by his arm and pulled him inside as well. The room seemed to be a part of the library, at least it had bookshelves lined up on three walls. Other than that there was only a table and two armchairs where two men in black cloaks were sitting and waiting for them, obviously pretty bored though - or because - surrounded by nothing but hundreds of books.

Severus glanced around, folded his arms in front of his chest and took a deep breath. All right, now how is this supposed to work?

You don't have to do much. Lucius replied. You'll simply have to drink... He turned around and took a goblet from the table to offer it to him. You drink this and leave the rest to us.

Severus didn't reach out to take the goblet from his hand. He stood motionless, studied the viscous dark green liquid inside the goblet, looked up again and smiled. No way I'm going to drink that.

Lucius asked surprised.

I will not drink that. Severus repeated, speaking very slowly this time, stressing each word.

Why not?

Well, first of all, who made that? You?

As a matter of fact, yes.

Severus said and shook his head. The last time I touched a potion _you_ prepared I had devil's horns growing from my forehead, so thank you, but no thank you.

You _are_ aware of the fact that we're doing this for you, right? Don't be so stubborn now...

The other two men were still sitting in their armchairs, motionless watching Severus and Lucius arguing, standing in the middle of the room, one with his arms folded, the other with the goblet in his hand.

Let's assume I drank that, what then? You'll take Dumbledore's spells off me? And that without even knowing what they are exactly?

Lucius replied. The Dark Lord will be the one to do most of the work.

_He _is going to be here? Severus asked in a low voice.

Well, it looks as if he truly appreciates your abilities. Can we start now? You wouldn't want to keep him waiting, would you?

He definitely didn't. If there was something Voldemort was not known for it was patience - and mercy. Reluctantly he took the goblet from Malfoy's hand. What's that going to do?

It will make the spells you're under more apparent, easier to find and more vulnerable to our magic. Lucius explained.

Severus took a deep breath and emptied the goblet. It didn't taste well at all, in fact it tasted so awful that all his senses told him to spit it out again because it would surely kill him.

At least that's what it's supposed to do. Lucius added with a cheeky grin.

Very funny... Severus muttered as soon as he had brought himself to gulping down that potion. It was the last thing he said before he dropped down to his knees and the world around him went black.

  


Minerva McGonagall could hear her own footsteps echoing back loudly from the stone walls as she strode along the empty corridor. It was close to midnight already and the whole castle was sleeping peacefully, just as it should be. On her way back to her rooms after her every night round she had decided to pay a short visit to the headmaster in case he should still be in his office. She _did_ have a few things to discuss with him. Things she knew he didn't regard as something to discuss about but she simply couldn't keep her doubts to herself anymore.

I know it's late, but do you still have a minute? She asked, peeking into the room as the door opened in front of her.

For you, Minerva, any time. Do come in please. Dumbledore replied and set the folder he had been studying aside. Have a seat.

She sat down in a chair on the other side of the large desk, folded her hands and glanced around the office before returning her attention to the headmaster. I trust you know that Professor Snape has left the castle?

Yes, I do know about that. He replied and smiled kindly while thoroughly studying her expression.

Do you also know by what time he returned to the castle last week?

As far as I remember it should have been around six in the morning. Dumbledore replied, leaned back in his chair and took a deep breath. You know, Minerva, I also have doubts. It's not only you.

McGonagall raised an eyebrow in surprise. If you do it's not very obvious.

It mustn't be. I'm convinced that once I give him reason to believe I don't trust him he truly will betray me.

What makes you so sure he's not already doing so now? McGonagall asked in a low voice.

Intuition, I'd say. Would you like a cup of tea? Dumbledore asked, raised his hand and made the teapot rise from its place on the shelf and hover over to the desk.

Yes, please, I'd love one.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, drinking their tea, McGonagall staring thoughtfully out of the window behind the headmaster who kept his eyes fixed to the tabletop.

Albus... why did you bring him here in the first place? Why didn't you just leave him where he belonged? McGonagall eventually asked and though her voice was barely more than a whisper it easily broke the stillness of the room.

Dumbledore put down his cup and raised his gaze. Because it's priceless to have a man in his position working for my side. It was a chance I simply couldn't let pass me. He explained and after having said this his serious and determined expression turned into something a lot softer. And, adding to this, because I'm an old sentimental fool and still feel responsible for him, believe that he's a good boy somewhere deep inside and that he will change his ways and turn his back on the dark side if I only give him a chance.

McGonagall was a little surprised by his last statement - she had expected something like this to be one of his reasons but she had not expected him to admit it. I do hope you're right. She said in a low voice and put her cup down on the table. Actually I can't remember any time when you weren't, so I suppose chances are good. She added with a smile as she rose from her chair. Good night.

  


When Severus opened his eyes again everything around him looked blurry and the furniture seemed to be floating in the air. Even before he had a chance to shake off this feeling something else caught hold of him: surprise. He was truly surprised by the fact that he was still alive. The moment he had dropped down to the ground unconscious he had been convinced that he had just taken his last breath. That they were going to kill him. Because Voldemort had found out that he might not be as loyal as he expected him to be - although that had seemed not very probable to him for there actually was no proof that might have given him away. After all he himself wasn't too sure yet about which side he was going to play on from now on. Thinking about it, he didn't want to play at all. He didn't want to be forced to make that decision, lead by whatever motive, whether it was what would be the right thing to do or what would be the most comfortable and safest way to go.

Finally you're up again, never thought that potion would knock you out like that.

He looked up at the sound of the voice and had to blink a few times before recognising Lucius Malfoy.

What the hell was that supposed to be, you're trying to kill me?! He hissed, ran a hand through his hair and sat up on the sofa he had been lying on.

Would you please relax? Lucius replied and leaned back against the door frame. I told you I had no idea. We even tested that potion with Goyle, didn't do a thing to him...

Severus opened his mouth but immediately closed it again when he decided that the question wasn't worth being asked for he didn't even want to know the answer.

So what now? He asked instead, his voice hoarse and his throat hurting with each word.

I'm afraid you already missed the best part.

Severus raised an eyebrow. 

Meaning you should be able to take a life with a wave of your hand again by now. Lucius frowned. Dumbledore did some solid work there, he prevented you from using about any magic at all. But we should have that fixed by now.

Well done if you indeed managed to... Is there a way for him to notice?

As long as you don't cast some Unforgivables in the hallway in front of his office, no, suppose not. Lucius replied. Go ahead, let's see if it worked.

With a swift movement Severus pulled out his wand, raised his hand and muttered __. The curse hit Lucius completely unprepared, knocked him off his feet and smashed him backwards against the wall.

It actually seems to have worked. Severus muttered with a pleased smile, stood up from the sofa and put the wand back beneath his cloak.

You couldn't have tested it some other way, could you? Malfoy hissed as he struggled to get back to his feet.

I should better get back to the castle now if I don't want to risk anyone suspecting me. Severus said after looking over at the old clock and made a few steps across the room towards the door.

Lucius put a hand on his shoulder to stop him. We are all expecting a lot from you now. Chance made you a very important figure in this game.

I'm aware of that. Snape replied curtly. From what Lucius was saying, and even more from how he was saying it, he was quite sure that nothing but jealousy was speaking there. Rest assured, nobody will be disappointed. Where's my cat?

Lucius smiled coldly. Since the damn beast keeps running away from me - I haven't got the faintest idea. Somewhere in the house probably...

I'll find him. He nodded at Lucius and stepped through the door out into the dimly lit corridor.

Good luck... Malfoy muttered more to himself than to anyone else. Although he didn't expect it, he really hoped Snape would find his bloody cat and take it away with him again, he definitely had had enough of that beast. Not only that it kept destroying upholstery and wallpaper - he was convinced it was sitting in the darkness every night and waiting for him to show up just to attack and scratch him again. Bloody cat, that. He had never particularly liked cats anyway.

Severus called through the corridor, his black eyes searching the darkness. Where are you hiding, boy? He whistled for the cat before calling its name again.

As an answer he got a loud meow as a silvery gray cat's head appeared between the rusty boots of an old suit of armor. The cat stared at him for a moment out of big blue eyes before it set off running towards him. It slowly walked around his ankles, looking up at him and rubbing its head on his legs before he reached down and picked it up with one hand.

So you really found the beast. Lucius said as he stepped into the corridor as well. The cat set back its ears and hissed dangerously at the sound of his voice. No, they obviously didn't like each other.

  


Once again it was already dawning when he returned to the castle. He pushed the doors open and quickly made his way across the still empty entrance hall. Actually it wasn't as empty as it seemed at first sight: a gray tabby cat was watching him from the shadows of a distant corner. He didn't notice it but the cat he was carrying in his arm did. It stared over into the shadows and as its blue eyes met another pair of cats eyes, both animals purred softly and raised their heads, exchanging a silent greeting.

***********

Thank you so much for your reviews, I really appreciate it.


	7. A Precipice In Front Of You

A Precipice In Front Of You...

The air was heavy with anticipation. There was no sound but the cold wind racing through the narrow alley where the dark figures had gathered and were hiding in the shadows of the night, waiting for one more of them to arrive.

If he doesn't show up in a minute we should go without him. One of them whispered.

Shut up, we won't. Lucius Malfoy hissed. We have a plan, we'll stick to it and we need everyone for that.

What if he doesn't show up at all? A third man asked in a low voice.

It was a starless and cold night and soon it would be a night of terror and death. He will. Severus muttered. Nobody would dare not to follow one of the Dark Lord's orders. He wished he himself wouldn't have to be here. It was just too damn cold to lurk in the shadows of those empty old brick houses.

Why should the five of us not be enough to cope with him? His wife's a muggle after all and his kids are only eight or nine years old... The man that had spoken first broke the silence again.

Would you just hold your breath now! Severus hissed. We're not here to discuss. Three of them were going to take care of the auror which left one of them responsible for each other family member - his wife, son and daughter. A very simple plan actually and one that was not to be altered in any way.

Everyone turned their heads when the man they had been waiting for finally apparated in the middle of the street.

Sorry I'm late. The man said. He spoke with a heavy Irish accent and his voice sounded tired. Ministry business, couldn't just rush out. He added as an explanation.

Yes, of course. Malfoy snarled and took out his wand. We'll do everything as we have planned it. Vandell and Severus will take care of the kids, Gareth of the woman. The three of you will get in over the fire escape. Nim and Alistair will go with me, through the front door. Ready?

The men nodded, took out their wands, put on their hoods and masks and set off along the dark street.

It happened fast. A rush, as they called it. Lucky were the victims being killed that way, at least it spared them hours or days of captivity and torture. They went in the moment they heard the front door being opened with a blast. Although it was nearly three o'clock in the morning James McKagan was out of bed and on his feet in a mere second - he really was an auror through and through. It still didn't help him. Two disarming spells hit him, leaving him helpless on the floor in his pyjamas.

It's death knocking on the door, McKagan! Lucius said with a broad grin, standing over him with one foot on his victim's chest and his wand pointing at his face. You knew you'd have to pay for that, auror!

McKagan's wife was standing in the corner of the room, staring down at her husband and she was screaming. That was a mistake that would probably cost her her life.

Shut her up, will you! Lucius barked and one of his companions jumped onto the bed to get to the other end of the room, grabbed the young woman by her blond hair and dragged her along just to throw her to the ground next to the auror. She was still screaming. __ The man hissed and pointed his wand at the woman. She immediately went silent. Her mouth was still wide open as if she was trying to scream and her eyes were filled with terror but there was no sound coming from her anymore. Severus and Vandell rushed past the other men along the corridor towards the children's rooms. Voldemort's followers never left any witnesses and they didn't take prisoners either. They ran up the stairs, Vandell took the first door on the left and nodded towards the second door on the right. 

Severus easily kicked the locked door out of its hinges and found the auror's daughter cowering in the faraway corner and staring up at him. Ten years old. He knew that. He didn't even know her name. Her eyes were wide with fear as he raised his wand. No witnesses. No prisoners. She wasn't screaming, she wasn't crying, she wasn't trying to run. She just looked up at him out of those big brown eyes. Innocent. The eyes of an angel. In one year she would be sitting in the very classroom where he had been teaching for the last three weeks. No, she wouldn't. Because she wouldn't even live to see the next morning.

_Avada Kedavra!_ The words were echoing through the corridor. Vandell had just killed the auror's son. Eight years old. Severus didn't know why he remembered that. The girl was still sitting there motionless. He had never hesitated before. But it had never been a child before. Suddenly he felt that he had waited too long, that he couldn't do it anymore. Slowly he let his hand sink down and strode across the room towards the girl. She flinched when he reached out to grab her arm and pulled her to her feet.

Please don't kill me. She suddenly whispered, looking up at him and trying to catch a look into his eyes.

He swallowed hard. I won't. He heard himself say.

_I won't? I have to. Or at least I'll have to take you downstairs to have someone else do it. Believe me, girl, I don't want to. But I have to._

He had never had doubts before. Until now he had been convinced that he didn't have anything like a conscience. He had never felt guilt or regrets, he had never hesitated to follow his master's orders. Dumbledore's spells. That's what it must have been. The old man had done something to him, he had cursed him, changed him somehow. He probably had taken not only his ability to perform magic but also found a way to influence what was going on in his mind.

_Or maybe not. Maybe it's really me._

He dragged the girl along across the room towards the large window and opened it. Behind it there were the metal stairs they had used to get into the apartment.

He said softly and pushed her towards the open window.

The girl hesitated. Her blond hair and long white nightshirt were fluttering in the wind. She looked out of the window into the cold night and then up into those equally black and cold eyes again.

Go, now. Severus repeated. 

The girl nodded and climbed over the windowsill. She winced when her bare feet touched the cold steel of the stairs. One last time she looked back at the man that had been supposed to be her murderer and might just have become her saviour. Thank you. She whispered and started running down the stairs.

Severus whirled around and started on his way back downstairs. Through the open door he caught a quick glance into the boy's room when walking past it. The kid was lying on his bed and would it not have been for his open eyes one might have thought he wasn't dead but simply peacefully asleep as any child should be at this time of night, safe and sound. When he reached the parents' bedroom he was presented with a more familiar picture: the auror and his wife were both dead, their blood splattered all over the floor and walls. Someone had obviously had his fun with them. And he was quite sure he knew who that someone was.

The girl wasn't there. Severus said as soon as he had entered the room. With a disgusted look he noticed that he was standing in a pool of blood. Actually there weren't a lot of clean spaces to stand on left.

Lucius barked and glared at him.

She escaped. Severus repeated calmly.

Lucius frowned. She escaped? He repeated, strode towards him and pushed him backwards with both hands. What's wrong with you! How can you let a ten year old kid escape!

She was gone before I even entered the room. She must have heard the noise down here.

Lucius gave him a scrutinizing look. Damn it. He muttered and turned away from him. At least we got McKagan... He was sounding a lot calmer again by now. Maybe we should...

Ministry! Get going! It was Vandell's voice coming from the living room and everyone knew what it meant. They had to get away from here or they would be dead in a few seconds and the fact that this place was protected by anti-apparition charms didn't make the situation much more comfortable. Lucius smashed the window behind him with his elbow while Severus decided to try a more direct approach, took a few quick steps across the room and jumped through the glass of a large window. He knew he had three floors before he would hit the ground, easily enough time to disapparate. Just before the house disappeared from his view he saw a flash of blue and white lightning coming from the third floor apartment.

  


He apparated in the Forbidden Forest. For a moment he thought it might not have been a good idea to do so without reporting to Voldemort first but he really wanted to be back before anyone in the castle would wake up. Nobody was supposed to know he had even left the castle and he would have liked to keep it like that because it was probably the only way not to be asked a lot of uncomfortable questions after an auror and his family had been slaughtered. Most of the windows were dark, everyone was asleep. He didn't allow himself to stop and think about anything he had seen tonight and just started walking up to the entrance doors.

  


He should have known better than to hope Dumbledore would not want to speak to him. When he walked along the hallway the next morning and saw the headmaster standing in front of the Great Hall he was quite sure that he was waiting for nobody else but him and he was right.

Would you please come up to my office right after breakfast? Dumbledore said curtly. He was speaking in a calm and serious voice. No 'good morning', no smile on his face. Severus didn't feel very comfortable.

I have lessons. He replied quickly. _Yes, great move. What a lame excuse. As if a potions class is going to get me out of this._

I will assign someone to fill in for you. Dumbledore didn't wait for another reply but turned away from him and walked into the hall.

For a moment Severus stood motionless and stared after him, not even noticing the students walking past him through the doors. He had a very strong feeling that he was in trouble. A lot of trouble. Somewhere deep inside he felt that Dumbledore knew, that he could see right through him, that he knew everything he had ever done and everything that was going on in his mind. He swallowed hard and glanced over towards the door at the end of the corridor. The door lead outside. Maybe he should just run, maybe he should try to get away from here while he still could. No. He was sick and tired of running away. It might actually be easier to finally take some responsibility for his life. Although he didn't really feel like taking any responsibilities today. Not that early in the morning at least.

  


Have a seat.

Severus did as he was told and followed Dumbledore with his eyes as he was slowly pacing up and down his office until he came to a halt in front of the window, staring outside and not looking at his visitor.

A fronte praecipitium, a tergo lupi. The headmaster said in a low voice. Isn't it so, Severus? He didn't turn around to face him and was still speaking in that same serious and calm voice. Severus had had the honour to listen to quite a few of his sermons when he had been a student but he had never heard him talk like this.

He truly didn't have much of an idea what he wanted from him.

You were taught Latin, weren't you?

Yes, Sir. Still I'm afraid I fail to see what you're aiming at.

An unpleasant silence hung over the room for a few seconds before Dumbledore suddenly whirled around and glared down at his former student, leaning towards him with both hands on his desk. His expression was lacking any trace of sympathy or warmth. Severus held his breath.

Don't you ever think you can play games with me. Dumbledore said in a very low and dangerous voice, his eyes angry and cold. Severus decided it might be wiser to say nothing at all and lowered his gaze on the table.

Were you there last night? Dumbledore asked.

Severus replied in a low voice. He didn't know why he had said that. He had wanted to lie to him.

You didn't tell me about it. You could have saved these people's lives.

I didn't know about it. I had no idea.

So you just went along and slaughtered a whole family. Dumbledore hissed.

Severus pulled out his wand, smashed it down onto the table and folded his arms. There. You'll find the last spell I cast was one I used yesterday morning in my class.

Dumbledore shook his head. I don't care what spells you might or might not have cast. You were there and even if you didn't do anything you still stood there and watched.

There was nothing I could have done to help them. Severus muttered, staring at the ground again.

There wasn't? Dumbledore inquired.

What am I supposed to do against five Death Eaters? He raised his head to look at the headmaster. Knock them unconscious with my wand or rather stab their eyes out? I would have ended up dead as well, it wouldn't have made a difference!

There was a long pause before Dumbledore sighed and turned away from him again. He said in a low voice. I asked you to inform me whenever you leave the school. I trust you will not forget to do so again.

Yes, Sir. Severus whispered.

You may go now.

He didn't have to tell him twice. Severus quickly grabbed his wand from the table, jumped up from his chair and left the office.

It was very quiet around him as he walked along the corridor leading to the stairs. Students as well as teachers were in their classrooms now and he seemed to be the only person wandering about the castle. As much as he hated to admit it to himself, Dumbledore was definitely right. No matter which way he went, it would be the wrong one. He had to betray either Dumbledore or Voldemort and whichever route he would choose, he would sooner or later have to pay for it. And he had no doubt that Dumbledore's wrath was no easier to bear than the Dark Lord's - he would probably end up dead either way.

_If only I had a coin now I could throw it and let that decide over my fate. Then again, it's not even worth throwing a coin, is it?_

He glanced up at the old clock when he walked past it along the corridor. One more hour before his next lesson would start. At least Dumbledore didn't seem to know yet that he had his magical powers back - he obviously couldn't read minds after all. Still he was good at awaking the impression.

***********

***********

Thank you for your reviews :)

In case anyone who wasn't tortured with Latin in school would like to know what that line means, it's "a precipice in front, wolves behind". Don't hate me for that one line, there'll probably be no more of it in this story (well, aside from spells of course), I just thought I should use the little I remember for once in my life because I don't think I'll get the chance to talk to some ancient Romans too soon. Hey, if you read all this crap I'm typing here already, why don't you take another minute and leave me a review? ;)


	8. It's Halloween

It's Halloween

Dumbledore never mentioned the incident again and Severus was more than glad about that. The next few weeks passed uneventful for Voldemort seemed to be still counting his blessings: Gareth and Vandell had been arrested by the Ministry in the attack on the auror and were probably already dead by now. The Dark Lord barely ever lost one of his men, let alone two in one night - and it was something he didn't want to get used to.

You haven't forgotten that it's Halloween today, have you?

Severus took a deep breath as he heard the annoyingly familiar voice from behind him. A second later he felt a hand on his shoulder and knew that if he'd turn his head he would look straight into Sascha Kohanek's face, wearing a wide grin.

I haven't. He replied and took a step to the side to free himself from his touch. How could he have forgotten? Teaching today had been way worse than any other day before. Even just walking along the corridor had been more like an obstacle race. Every student in this whole school seemed to regard it as their duty on this day to play each other as many pranks as possible and to try out every stupid horror gimmick they had purchased on their trips to Hogsmeade ever since last Halloween. Not even the teachers seemed to be safe from their attacks - well, aside from him. Nobody would dare to play a joke on _him_. So actually this day could have been fun had Dumbledore not decreed that no detentions were to be handed out and no points were to be taken due to a Halloween joke.

Kohanek continued and gave him a scrutinizing look. What sort of costume is that supposed to be?

Death in search for his scythe. Severus muttered.

Hey, I didn't know you had a sense of humour! Kohanek smiled at him.

I don't. He hadn't wanted to go to the Halloween feast but now he was actually looking forward to it. Anything was better than this conversation. A maximum of two minutes before they would reach the Great Hall. 

_I wonder if he can keep his mouth shut that long. Two minutes must be something like an eternity for him._

I'm really looking forward to the feast, it's been quite a while since... Severus stopped listening.

_No, he obviously can't._

He tried hard to fully concentrate on counting his steps and didn't even hear him babbling anymore. When he entered the hall and saw all the decorations he was surprised how they reminded him that there had actually been a time when he had liked Halloween. A long long time ago.

  


Once everyone had finished their dinner and the first students started to leave the hall Professor Kohanek jumped up from his chair to leave as well.

As much as I'd wish to stay, you all know I have some obligations that keep me from doing so. He said and nodded towards the headmaster before turning to Snape, who actually did not know about those obligations _everyone_ knew about but also couldn't have cared less. Severus, I hope you'll accompany Minerva on her round through the school instead of me?

_And I hope I'll fall over dead before I have to answer yes and maybe even give you one of those fake smiles. _Of course. He replied. No smile though, just a curt nod.

For another half an hour he just sat there and waited while watching McGonagall drinking her glass of wine and chatting with the headmaster and the other teachers. He didn't touch his glass. Wine always gave him headaches and he didn't even like the stuff. Finally McGonagall got up from her chair, took a few steps away from the table and glanced back at him. As soon as he jumped up to follow her she looked away again and continued on her way. Maybe it would be best if she wouldn't speak to him at all - at least he wouldn't have to worry about how to reply.

And she really didn't speak. Not to him at least. Every now and then she told a few students still running around in the corridors to consider going back to their common rooms. Severus didn't have to say a word, his scary impression was obviously enough to send the kids running off into whatever direction they belonged. They had walked in a comfortable silence for quite a while when he suddenly felt a faint burning pain in his left forearm.

_Not now._

The pain grew a little more intense.

_Not now, damn it._

He feared he knew very well why he was calling for him. He still was one of those he would suspect first, one of those he didn't completely trust anymore, one of those he would call whenever he was looking for a traitor. Everyone had read it in the paper. Five Death Eaters arrested. And their families as well. A nice catch for the Ministry. None of them had belonged to the Dark Lord's inner circle, but still, a nice catch. The pain grew stronger and he knew it would continue to become worse if he didn't react. He stopped walking and seized his forearm with his right hand.

Damn it. He hissed.

McGonagall came to a halt, turned around to face him and gave him a scrutinizing look. He took a deep breath before he started to speak, staring at the ground and not looking at her.

I have to go now, he's calling for me. He said in a low voice. Would you please tell the headmaster? He asked and slowly raised his head.

She raised an eyebrow when their eyes met - for a moment she had thought she had seen fear in those empty black eyes. Of course. She said.

Thank you. He said quickly and set off along the corridor.

  


A few minutes later he was standing on a small clearing in the Marshy Woods next to four other men - lined up and waiting for their execution. He hadn't bothered to take a robe with him and now wondered if he might possibly freeze to death before his master would get a chance to kill him. He knew only two of these men standing next to him by name - no important figures in this game. Not anywhere nearly as important as he was. He kept staring down onto the ground while Voldemort was slowly pacing up and down in front of his five suspects.

He said in an icy voice. I know each of you knows what happened today. He came to a halt with his back turned to them, staring up at the moon and twirling his wand in his fingers. What I want to know now is which one of you is responsible for that.

None of them spoke, none of them even dared to breathe.

You know I will find out. Speak now, traitor, and you might live. Voldemort barked and whirled around to face them.

I would never betray you, my Lord! One of the men Severus did not even know by name cried out and fell to his knees.

You wouldn't, Vincent? Voldemort asked and made two steps towards him.

Never, my Lord.

Because you're my loyal servant, aren't you, Vincent? Voldemort raised his hand and pointed his wand directly between his eyes.

Yes, my Lord. I will always be loyal to you. He was more sobbing than speaking by now.

__ Voldemort whispered, barely audible. The curse hit the man with all its power. He cried out loud in pain, fell over to his side and passed out.

Voldemort laughed. Morpheus! Take him back to where he came from. He ordered and kicked the unconscious man into his chest.

Severus glanced over at the lifeless body on the ground and raised an eyebrow. _What an easy way out of this, why did I never consider that before?_

Voldemort whirled around to face him. Do you have anything to say?

No, my Lord. He replied and quickly lowered his gaze to the ground in front of him again.

Get down on your knees. Voldemort hissed.

Severus obeyed without hesitating.

You're not deceiving me, are you, Severus? Not you. Tell me it's not you. There was something in his voice that sounded almost like warmth, but everyone present knew it wasn't.

I never would, my Lord.

You wouldn't lie to me, would you?

Never, my Lord.

Look into my eyes and tell me you're still loyal to me.

Severus swallowed hard before carefully raising his head. I'm loyal to nobody but you, my Lord. He whispered.

Voldemort smiled at him coldly and raised his wand again. Severus closed his eyes.

__

The Cruciatus Flatley had cast at him a few weeks ago had been nothing compared to this. He didn't scream and he surely wouldn't pass out - he had worked too hard on dealing with this curse. He simply dropped to the ground, lay there, his body trembling and tears running down his face as he tried to fight the pain. Voldemort kneeled down in front of him.

Look at me and tell me that through all this pain I'm letting you feel, you're still loyal to me. He hissed.

Severus couldn't raise his head, he could barely open his eyes. I will always be loyal to you, my Lord. He whispered.

Voldemort smiled. __ He said again, the word coming from his lips easily and sounding meaningless.

This time he cried out. The world around him suddenly seemed to be very far away, he didn't feel the cold anymore, he didn't feel the ground below him. The only thing that was still there was the pain. He focused on the pain, the only thing still real. Somewhere far away he heard someone screaming. He wondered if those might be his own screams. All of a sudden the sound was gone. He felt a hand on his chin, lifting up his head.

Tell me that through all this pain you're still loyal to me. He heard Voldemort's cold voice again.

I'm loyal to you, I would never deceive you, I'll always be loyal to you, I'll always be loyal... Severus muttered in a monotonous voice. He didn't even hear himself speaking.

Nim, take him back.

He could barely hear the words but he knew they meant only one thing: he would live. He felt a hand grabbing his arm and then they disapparated.

  


When he opened his eyes again he realised he was back in the Forbidden Forest. He saw a hand reaching out for him and quickly raised his arm to protect his face.

The hand gently took him by his wrist and pulled his arm away from his face. Are you all right?

He took a deep breath and immediately regretted it when he felt the pain in his chest. Of course I am. He muttered. I enjoy spending my nights lying around in the forest.

He closed his eyes for a moment and couldn't see the stern look McGonagall was giving him.

Can you walk? She asked.

He made a pathetic attempt to get back to his feet, gave up and leaned back against the tree behind him.

Obviously not. McGonagall said. I'll take you back to...

He cut her off. I just need a moment. With a trembling hand he wiped away a trail of dried blood running from his eyebrow down to his cheek.

_Now I'm a lucky dog, not only being hit by a Cruciatus but also landing face first on a damn stone._

McGonagall stood and looked down at him in silence for some seconds. He really looked quite miserable.

What happened? She asked softly.

Ran into a tree. He muttered and rubbed his eyes. To mostly any witch or wizard it should have been pretty obvious what had happened to him: even now his muscles were still twitching and he could barely hold his hands still. He wondered how long he had been lying here already. What time is it?

Nearly three in the morning. McGonagall replied.

So what are you still doing out here? He muttered and tried to get up from the ground once again.

A little walk. She said and took him by his arm to help him get back to his feet.

He was standing but still a little shaky so McGonagall held on to his arm as they started to slowly walk back up to the castle.

Why are you doing that? Severus asked after a while.

Doing what?

Why do you even care? He asked. You hate me.

There was a long pause before she replied - she was obviously thinking about this question very well. I don't hate you. She eventually said in a low voice. I care for all my students.

Even a Slytherin, even a Death Eater?

All of them.

  


  


*************

*************

AN: Now that I finally have my own internet connection back I thought I could write some better author's notes than only thank you for your reviews (although I really really mean that!)

So: Thank you to everyone who is reading this and a very special thanks to anyone who wrote me a review :) (See that wide grin on my face? Reviews make me happy!)

  


emma: Thank you. No, Dumbledore didn't yet know about the girl.

shadowycat: Thank you. I'm glad you like it. And yes, Severus will have to think about a few things soon and then make a decision, as you already noticed in the last chapter.

Aku Maru: Thank you. Actually Severus will tell Dumbledore, they'll have a little chat soon, I hope you'll still like it.


	9. Forlorn Battles

Forlorn Battles

He woke up too late for breakfast the next morning. Too late for his first lesson actually. It took him a moment to remember what he was doing here in the infirmary. He would rather have gone straight back to his room last night but hadn't felt up to arguing with McGonagall any longer and had finally given in.

He sat up in his bed and closed his eyes for a moment in response to the headache that immediately set in as soon as he moved. Glancing over at the armchair to his left he found his cloak and his boots and realised quite relieved that he was at least still wearing the rest of his clothes. Slowly, trying not to trigger the headache again, he got out of bed just to sit down in the chair and put his shoes on.

Feeling ready to leave yet? He heard Madam Pomfrey's voice from the other end of the room.

He muttered, reached for his cloak and got up from the armchair again. For a second he just stood there and waited for the world to stop spinning while trying to convince himself that he really did feel ready to leave. Slowly he started walking towards the door but as soon as he stepped out onto the corridor he was stopped again by McGonagall standing right in front of him.

So you're doing well again? She stated more than asking.

Couldn't be better. Severus replied. He didn't want to look at her and kept staring down the corridor behind her. She had seen him weak and that was something he didn't like at all. He definitely wouldn't admit to her now that he actually still felt like falling over and dying right here and now. Well, compared to last night he really felt great, didn't he?

Very well. McGonagall said. No need to hurry to get to your lessons, Professor Kohanek agreed to substitute for you today.

How very kind of him. He replied.

Indeed. The headmaster would like to speak to you.

Tonight. He's away to London at the moment but he should be back before midnight.

_He wants to talk to me in the middle of the night? Now that should be something important..._

I will be there. Severus replied. If you'd excuse me now? I have some work to do.

McGonagall watched him walking past her and along the corridor, wondering if he really might have something to do although he wouldn't have to teach today or if he had just tried to get away from her. Then again, if that was the reason, he would probably simply have told her - in a very elaborate way - that he found her presence unbearable and thus would be leaving now. She smiled to herself. Yes, that was more like him.

  


Severus reached his room without running into anyone else, slammed the door shut, drew the curtains closed and sat down at his desk. He glanced over at the two piles of parchments in the corner of the table and decided that he would not grade those essays now. Later. First he would get some rest.

He lay down on the sofa, closed his eyes and before he could even decide if he should rather count sheep or go through the ingredients of a few potions he was already asleep. He had expected the nightmares to come back.

Outside lightning flashed and thunder roared. Heavy raindrops were hammering against the windows. In here it was dark, the only light coming from the pale full moon. He lowered his gaze to the lifeless body on the ground in front of him. Slowly he followed the outlines of the figure, from the feet along the legs to the blood soaked shirt. He stepped over the body, kneeled down and reached out for the large knife still stuck in the young man's chest. For a second he wondered where the others might be. He wasn't here on his own. Carefully he tightened his grip around the cold metal and tried to pull the knife out of his victim's body. It wasn't as easy as he had expected. It was the first time he had ever stabbed someone and he now knew that he definitely preferred his wand over the knife. But well, there hadn't really been a choice after he had been hit by the disarming spell. That's what he carried that knife around for after all. Out of the corner of his eyes he could see the man's face. His eyes were still wide open but now empty of the fear, hate and anger that had flickered in them only a minute ago. Empty of everything.

At least it's over for you, mudblood. He muttered.

Lightning flashed, illuminated the dark corridor, and for a split second he didn't look into those empty dead eyes anymore but into the deep black sockets of a skull. He gasped for breath and quickly closed his eyes. When he opened them again the skull had turned back into the pale, expressionless face. Forcefully he pulled the knife out of the dead body and put it back beneath his cloak, not even noticing that it was still dripping with blood. There was blood just everywhere, on the floor, on his clothes and on his hands. He wiped his hands on his cloak but the blood wouldn't come off. He rubbed his hands but still, the blood wouldn't come off.

You'll have that blood on your hands forever.

He knew that voice. He didn't know who it belonged to before he turned around, but he knew that voice didn't belong here and now.

What are you doing here? He asked in a low voice, staring at the apparition out of narrowed eyes. That was Albus Dumbledore, no doubt, but he looked more like a ghost, standing at the end of the dark corridor and surrounded by a bright white light, so bright it made his eyes hurt.

No, that's not the question. He replied in a low voice. The question is, what are _you_ doing here? He looked past the younger man, down at the lifeless body and the blood on the floor. Look at that blood all over your hands, does it make you feel more like a man? Does it give you the power you're craving for?

You're not here. Severus muttered. 

Was this all part of your plan?

You're not here. I'm not here. It's not real. None of this is real. His mind was on the verge of waking up, already awake enough to tell him this was nothing but an old familiar dream.

It is real, Severus. The ghostly vision of Dumbledore said. The past is as real as the future and the present.

It's not real! Severus shouted, turned away from him and closed his eyes, concentrating harder than ever before on forcing himself to wake up from this dream.

  


He was breathing hard and his heart was racing when he opened his eyes. He sat up on the sofa and rubbed his eyes. Glancing over at the clock he realised that the one or two hours of sleep he had planned on had actually turned into quite a few more. He shook off the feeling of anxiety that had been following him from his dream back to reality, went back to his desk and started reading those essays.

It wasn't fun. These kids either weren't very bright or simply paying no attention at all. He was half through the first pile of parchments - 5th years - and already started considering if he should stop to make his students write essays at all because this would at least spare him the pain of having to read this crap.

Now that's enough... He muttered and with a quick movement he crossed out a whole first page.

'Concerning the contents this is way below the mark. Since you also seemed to lack the time to correct your spelling and grammar mistakes, I expect you to write this essay again and hand it in tomorrow.' He wrote below the last line and set the parchment aside.

The sun was already setting when he was finished with those essays. There hadn't been more than five or six worth reading among them and only two good ones. And none at all that couldn't have been improved in some way.

He yawned, folded his arms on the table, lowered his head onto his arms and closed his eyes. _What a tired day._ Then he fell asleep.

  


A knock on the door woke him again. He quickly sat up straight, blinked a few times and ran a hand through his hair.

Come in. He said in a hoarse voice.

The door opened, Dumbledore stepped inside and smiled at him. I didn't wake you, did I? He asked.

Uhm... no. Severus replied, wondered why nobody every admitted to have been sleeping when asked for it and rose from his chair, doubting it really could be that late already.

Minerva told you I wanted to speak to you?

Yes. Yes, she did. _How in the world did I manage to sleep a whole day through? _Would you like me to come up to your office or...?

If you don't mind we'll just stay here.

Sure. Have a seat, please. Severus said and gestured towards the armchairs in front of the fireplace.

Dumbledore started as soon as he had sat down and looked around the room. How do you like your rooms? I don't think I asked you yet, did I?

Yes, it's... really nice, thank you. _A little too sunny maybe._

Tell me about last night, Severus.

Severus hesitated.

Minerva told me you returned from your gathering in a not really too good condition. So what happened, why did he do that?

Severus smiled vaguely to himself. It's nothing too unusual, Voldemort has quite a capricious nature. He wasn't very pleased by the fact that five of his followers had been arrested and was probably just searching for a scapegoat.

So he was suspecting you to have given away this information? Dumbledore asked.

Severus replied. At the moment I simply have to be regarded as one of the usual suspects. I'm convinced he already knew who was responsible for this before questioning us.

The headmaster nodded silently.

Are you already feeling well enough to teach again tomorrow? He asked.

Of course.

If you'd rather take another day off that wouldn't be a problem.

No, Sir, I'm fine, really.

Very well. Dumbledore said and smiled at him.

Severus lowered his gaze. He couldn't look into his eyes. He didn't know why that man was trusting him but he did know that he wasn't worth that trust. He had lied to him before and he would lie to him again - whenever it would make life a little easier for him.

I'll let you get some sleep now, it's close to midnight already. The headmaster said and rose from his chair.

Severus stood up as well to lead him to the door although he was convinced that sleep was probably the last thing he needed now after sleeping the whole day already. He closed the door behind his visitor, waited for a few minutes, took the essays from his desk and then left the room as well to take them down to the classroom. He could just as well have taken them with him the next morning but he really felt like he needed to stretch his legs a little, just to do something other than sleeping.

Once he had put the essays into the upper drawer of his desk and placed everything Kohanek had obviously felt the need to move around back in its place, he stood in the middle of the classroom, not quite knowing what to do with himself.

I could really go and search for that ruddy cat of mine. He muttered to himself. Haven't seen him in days... He glanced around the classroom once more before he left to wander around the castle.

It was pleasantly dark and quiet in the corridors at this time of night. Nothing moved aside from his own shadow creeping along the walls in the flickering flames of the torches and he couldn't hear anything but his own footsteps. He had been walking like this for quite a while before he heard a sound he immediately identified as two cats fighting. A second later a cat that was very familiar to him came running around the corner. When it spotted him it came to a halt, stared at him for a moment and then started to slowly walk towards him.

There you are, I've been searching for you for ages. He said in a low voice.

The cat sat down in front of him and looked up at him expectantly. Severus sighed and shook his head when he noticed blood dripping off one of its ears.

I'm not going to pity you now. He said and bent down to pick his pet up from the floor. That's what you get from being such a hopeless troublemaker.

Carrying the cat in one arm he continued on his way up to the tower. It was a good place if you had some things to think about.

  


It was pretty cold and windy up there. No surprise really, after all it was already November. He had been standing at the balustrade and looking down onto Hogwarts grounds only for a few minutes when his cat suddenly hissed and jumped out of his arms just to stand next to him and stare into the darkness. He turned around as well and saw another cat emerging from the shadows that immediately transformed back into human form in front of him.

So it's yours. McGonagall said while looking down at the surprised cat.

It is indeed. Severus replied. _You never sleep, do you?_

We have met a few times before. She said, kneeled down in front of the cat and reached out to touch it. What's his name?

Severus muttered.

And it looks as if he had also met Mrs. Norris already. She said as she noticed the cat's bloody ear.

Severus frowned as he witnessed his cat _not_ attacking her. Usually Sterling wasn't too fond of strangers. They had a lot in common there.

What are you doing up here? McGonagall asked as she stood up again.

He replied.

A good place for that.

For a while she stood next to him in silence, listening to the wind in the trees.

I think I've done something very stupid. Severus said eventually. He didn't even know why he had said this and why he was talking to her at all. Maybe because the bloody cat hadn't scratched her.

You always seemed to have a talent for that. She replied in a low voice and without looking at him. Walking straight into dead-end situations.

And can you tell me once more how to get out of it? His voice was barely more than a whisper.

If you tell me about it, I will try to.

Severus took a deep breath. I lied to Dumbledore. He said quickly.

Then go and tell him the truth. McGonagall replied calmly.

He was a little surprised. He didn't quite know what he had expected but he had thought there would at least be a reaction of some kind.

He won't forgive me. Severus muttered.

That's probably a risk you will have to take.

_I deceived him when I had my magic powers restored. I deceived him again when I didn't tell him about it. I knew McKagan was going to die and I didn't do anything to change that. Could I have? Probably not. But I could have tried. I lied to him when I told him I hadn't known. And not to forget I lied to him when I promised him my loyalty. He won't forgive me._

Tell him now. McGonagall said. If you wait till tomorrow you'll have lost the courage to do it.

_I don't even have enough courage now._

She turned away to leave and stopped again after a few steps. You know that if you don't tell him, I will have to.

He said in a low voice and followed her back into the castle.

  


  


*****************************

AN: Well, I don't really know if I'm very happy with this chapter and where it's leading. I've looked over it for a few times now but whenever I tried to change something important I ended up liking it less than before and since I could really use some reviews to cheer me up I decided to post it. Hope you don't hate it. Your reviews for my last chapter made me walk around with a wide grin on my face, so if you have a minute, leave me a comment!

  


carpathia: Thank you. The night the Potters died is something I also thought about a lot and this story is obviously leading to that point but since I haven't been able to come up with a satisfying theory I probably won't write much about it and rather wait for the next book ;) I'm glad you like this story and I do hope you'll keep enjoying it.

  


M: Thank you. I'm flattered.

  


shadowycat: Thank you. I'm so glad you still like it, good to hear you found that line funny :) I really appreciate your comments.

  


Ronnie: Thank you. I enjoy writing Snape and I'm glad to hear you think I'm doing a good job.

  


Futon: Thank you for continuing to read even though you didn't like the beginning!

  


Lady LaCroix: Thank you. I'm glad you find it interesting. But why is everyone getting suspicious about the Head of Slytherin? He's just some harmless, nice guy... or is he? ;)


	10. Principles And Confessions

Principles And Confessions

McGonagall had left him standing in front of the door to the headmaster's private rooms and that's where he had been standing for at least ten minutes now. During this time he had already three times raised his hand to knock and he had even walked away, turned around the next corner, stopped and walked back again. By now he was simply standing there next to the door, leaning against the wall, staring at the painting on the other side of the corridor and wishing he would simply have knocked right away without hesitating so long. He couldn't remember ever in his life having felt so nervous. And he was scared. Funny enough not for what would happen to him if Dumbledore wouldn't forgive him but for the reaction itself. He felt sick.

He whispered to himself. I'll count up to five now and then I'll knock on that bloody door.

He swallowed hard and stepped in front of the door. One... two... He started slowly while raising his hand. three four five. He finished in one breath and knocked two times, wishing the same second he hadn't done it.

_Maybe he's not there. Or maybe he's sleeping already._

A moment later the door in front of him opened a little and Dumbledore peeked outside. He greeted him, sounding a little surprised.

Yes. I... I really need to speak to you.

At this time of night?

If you wouldn't mind, Sir?

Dumbledore frowned. Do come in, please.

Severus stepped inside and glanced around the room. He had never been here before. There was a large brown owl sitting on the desk in the corner, obviously waiting for its owner to finish writing a letter he had started before being disturbed by his late visitor.

I'll be with you in a minute. Dumbledore said, pointed at an armchair and went back to his desk to finish his letter.

Severus sat down as uncomfortable as he could manage and stared at the floor while waiting to get a chance to make his final confession. He didn't have to wait long. Dumbledore signed his letter, sent the owl off and sat down opposite from him.

I need to tell you something. Severus muttered.

Just go ahead. He replied calmly.

_Now what sort of impression would it make if I just jumped up and left?_

I haven't always been honest towards you. Severus said quickly before he would get a chance to change his mind and rather not tell him at all. I have my magical powers back since weeks already and I knew that McKagan was going to die quite a few days before he did. _I didn't know when, I didn't know how. I don't know what I could have done. But that's no excuse, is it? _Slowly he raised his head to look at him. He didn't look very angry. He simply nodded.

I'm very disappointed with you, my son. Dumbledore said in a low voice.

_No, not that one. Don't call me 'my son' and don't tell me I disappointed you. Stand up and shout at me, I can handle that..._

Is that all you're going to say to me now? Severus asked.

What else do you expect me to say? What do you want to hear? He really was disappointed. Severus could hear it in his voice. He sounded almost... sad.

I don't know. He whispered.

I knew you would tell me something like this sooner or later. Dumbledore said. You must have been fighting your conscience for quite a while now.

Severus looked at him out of narrowed eyes.

You took an oath. The headmaster continued. You simply couldn't have lied to me any longer, you had to give in to your promise.

So no points for me for telling you the truth because I didn't do it by conviction.

Unfortunately I couldn't rely on that alone.

Severus nodded slowly. So what are you going to do now? Until now this whole conversation was nothing like he had expected it to be.

Dumbledore rose from his chair and made a few steps across the room, turned around and walked back again. In the attack on McKagan, what did you do? He asked.

I stood and watched.

Voldemort doesn't send out a man to stand around and watch. What was your part?

To kill the Auror's daughter.

Kiera McKagan, ten years old, who managed to escape. Again no points for you, Severus. If she wouldn't have gotten away you might just as well have killed her, an innocent child.

Severus had never quite understood why the girl hadn't told anyone _how_ she had escaped. He had often wondered if she might actually have realised that it would have been his death sentence if someone would have written it in the paper. And he had wondered why she would even have cared about that - he had still been one of those who had slaughtered her whole family.

I never hurt a child in my life. He said in a low voice. And I never would.

Principles, Severus? I told you you had some, didn't I? Dumbledore asked.

Yes, Sir, you did.

So what do _you_ think I should do now? Dumbledore was standing in front of him, looking down at him with his arms folded in front of his chest.

Send me back to Azkaban.

Yes. I should do that. Have I been naive to think this might end differently?

Severus didn't reply anything. He didn't really feel in a position to call that man naive, although it was probably true. He sat in silence for a few minutes, staring down at the wooden floorboards, at his shoes and back at the floor again.

I'm sorry. He said eventually. I really am.

Sorry for yourself.

No, Sir. I'm sorry for taking advantage of the fact that you actually cared for what happened to me.

Dumbledore sighed, staring out of the window into the darkness for a moment. Give me something I can work with. Names, information, anything that will prove to me that you mean what you're saying.

I wish there was anything I could tell you. I could give you names, names of Death Eaters holding high positions in the Ministry. Still you could never get hold of them. And not to forget, I would die for that.

I expected you were aware that you would have to take some risks.

Yes, risks. But that would be a senseless suicide and I'm not willing to go that far. Severus replied.

Give those names to _me_. Nobody else, just me. So I know who I'm dealing with. Dumbledore said in a low voice.

If you tell anyone, I'm dead.

Yes. You'll have to trust me there.

_Do I have anything to lose? No, I don't. _Colin Leigh, Nigel Reginald, Nim Starkey. All members of the Dark Lord's inner circle. Nim is a case of his own though, loyal to no one but himself.

What about Lucius Malfoy? Dumbledore inquired.

You don't expect me to betray my oldest friend, do you?

Dumbledore nodded. He had always suspected Malfoy and the way Severus had looked at him had been as good as simply telling him. You know I won't accept you to give me a bit of information or a name every now and then just to keep me quiet. It's either your full loyalty or nothing at all.

What would you do if you were me? Severus asked and looked up at him. Right now I'm lying to you and I'm lying to Voldemort. I don't know who I can trust and I don't know who trusts me. There's nothing but lies, betrayal and mistrust. Right now, I survive, but in the long term, I just don't know which way to go.

Dumbledore smiled at him. This must have been the first time you openly told me what's on your mind.

And what do you make of it?

All I can tell you is that here in this school there are people that care about you, trust you and that you can trust them too. And that you might actually have a future here. Do you trust Voldemort?

Severus smiled coldly and shook his head. Definitely not.

Are you afraid of him?

Yes, Sir, I am.

Would you like a cup of tea?

Is that a trick question?

Dumbledore smiled, snapped his fingers, two cups appeared on the small table and he sat down in his armchair again.

I understand you, Severus. I understand what you're doing and why you're doing it. He said eventually. You were born and brought up to be one of his, a powerful dark wizard. It was a fight you couldn't win so you stopped fighting and let others take your will away. But now you actually have a choice. I can't offer you fame, glory, power and money. I can't even offer you absolution for what you have done. The only thing I can give you is a chance to redeem your mistakes.

What makes you think I felt the need to?

I know the memories are haunting you. I know you regret.

_How can you know that? How can you see right through me? Yes, I do regret some of the things I did, I don't regret others. And yes, the ghosts of my innocent victims are haunting me, every day and every night. I see them in my dreams and I see them every time I close my eyes. I couldn't pay for what I did in a lifetime, nothing I do will make them go away._

I didn't do anything to deserve the first chance you've offered to me. Severus said.

That's true. You didn't have to do anything, being the person you are was just enough.

Being the person I am? He had usually heard something like that as an insult only and he knew he deserved no different because he simply wasn't a nice person at all. He had never tried to be.

You used to be such a brilliant student... I always saw you somewhere else, as something more than just a mindless soldier.

And look where I am now.

It's only a small step, isn't it? Dumbledore asked while thoughtfully staring at the wall behind him. One move, one decision, that's all it takes.

To mess up your whole life. Severus muttered.

Dumbledore remained silent and waited. He wanted to hear some more from him but he knew very well that if he tried to push him, he wouldn't get far.

Just a stupid kid, making one little inconsiderate decision. It's not all it takes, but it's how it starts. Severus eventually continued in a low voice. Then things just move on, start evolving on their own, getting out of control. But you don't notice it, you just keep believing that all this was part of your plan, but even if you ever had one, by then you can't even remember it anymore. And while you still stand wondering, fascinated by seeing what incredible consequences a seemingly unimportant action can cause, you suddenly realise that it's over. That you had reached the point of no return ages ago already and that now there's no more turning back.

A point of no return doesn't exist. Dumbledore said.

Severus snorted. Believe me, it does - I've seen it and left it behind.

What sort of game would life be if one move could ruin it all?

Severus shrugged his shoulders. _A game as cruel as amusing. Not necessarily for the players though, but definitely for those watching._

It might not always be easy to see and it might not always be simple to pursue, but there's always another road to walk. Dumbledore said softly.

Are you saying you're actually willing to give me another chance? Although I lied to you?

Your last chance.

There was a long pause before Severus spoke again. I'm not going to disappoint you again.

  


********** 

********** 

AN: Thank you everyone for reading and especially to those who left me a review, thank you so much :) 

Aku Maru: Thank you. I'm glad you like it this far. I have about a hundred theories about the night the Potters died but none of them really works out, probably because I'm not nearly as creative as JK Rowling is ;) 

risi: Thank you. As you can see in this chapter you were quite right about Dumbledore already expecting a little confession. 

shadowycat: Thank you. I'm glad you think that I manage to write Snape in a believable way and you're actually understanding my thoughts very well :) I thought it might be easier for him to talk to McGonagall first because she doesn't trust him as much as Dumbledore does. And yes, I read Macbeth again only two or three months ago, so I suppose it left some inspirational traces (as Shakespeare probably always does), cool you noticed ;) 

n snape: Thank you. I'm glad you like it! 

Antigone Q: Thank you. I hope I managed to meet your expectations with this chapter. 


	11. Enchanted Bunnies

Enchanted Bunnies

Did you speak to him? McGonagall asked when they met at the doors leading into the Great Hall the following morning.

Yes, Ma'am. Severus replied and walked next to her along the Gryffindor table.

All is well then?

Yes, Ma'am.

Severus, would you please stop calling me 'Ma'am'? She asked. You're not a student anymore and it's making me feel incredibly old.

Yes, Ma'am. He replied. When she rolled her eyes at him he couldn't hide a smile.

McGonagall hadn't seen him in such a good mood ever since he had come here. He still looked pretty outworn and a little paler than usual, it would take quite a while before he would fully recover from those curses, but that sparkle in his eyes she had always remembered him for was finally back.

Quite a lot of students had complained to her about him - his lessons, his behaviour in the classroom, the homework, the detentions and everything that had to do with him basically. She truly hoped those students would benefit from his good mood today as well, otherwise she wouldn't be able to ignore their complaints any longer and would have to talk to him or to the headmaster about it.

When three of her 5th year Gryffindors entered her classroom after their first lesson she already knew what to expect. She knew the timetables by memory and those three were coming straight from their potions class.

Gentlemen, what can I do for you? She asked and looked up from her newspaper.

We need to speak to you about Professor Snape. One of them said, the other two simply nodded.

Did you already consider speaking to _him_ before coming to me? She asked and took off her glasses.

No, Professor, because actually none of us wanted to risk a few more hours of detention.

McGonagall sighed and leaned back in her chair. So what is the problem?

Well, he's handing out detentions for nothing, he's expecting us to know things we were never taught before, he's making us write essays that are taking us a whole day to finish and today he returned them to us and told half of the class to write them again because they weren't good enough!

It's not an unusual procedure to have students rewrite their essays if the outcome wasn't adequate. McGonagall replied.

It's never good enough for him, no matter what we do!

I have to agree that Professor Snape is expecting a lot from his students but in the end you will be the ones to benefit from this. She said.

Not if none of us will make it through this year to ever see that day when we might benefit from it... The boy muttered under his breath.

I beg your pardon, Mr. Chesterfield?

Nothing, Professor. I just thought we should rather go now, we have some essays to write...

I will speak to Professor Snape about your concern. McGonagall said.

The boy suddenly went pale. You won't mention my name, will you?

Don't worry about that. She put her glasses back on and continued reading her paper. A few minutes later she set it aside again, got up from her chair and walked out into the corridor to search for the headmaster.

It didn't take her long to find him. She spotted him walking along a corridor on the second floor and made a few quick steps to catch up with him.

Albus, do you have a minute?

Actually I'm on my way to the kitchen because one of the house elves came to me about an enchanted cooking pot running amuck down there, but if you'd walk with me, of course.

I've had some students complaining to me about Severus. She started.

Really? Why could that be?

He seems to be expecting a little too much from them from time to time and he might also be taking things a little too seriously when it comes to detentions.

Is this regarding only Gryffindor students? The headmaster asked.

No. I spoke to the heads of the other houses and they also had heard complaints about him, although Gryffindors seem to be affected worst.

Dumbledore sighed. Well, it seems as if he hadn't changed much since he was a student. He was always expecting a lot from himself as well so I'm not surprised he's treating his students the same way now. Did you speak to him about this?

No. I thought if he's still only half as headstrong and stubborn as he used to be when he was younger I should rather leave this to you. I never had much of an influence on him.

I'm afraid none of us ever had a lot of influence on him. Dumbledore replied and stopped at the top of the staircase leading down to the kitchen. Let's just give him a few more weeks. If nothing changes, I will talk to him.

Yes, that should be best. She nodded at him, turned away and walked back along the corridor. She hadn't gotten too far when she had to stop abruptly in order not to run into a boy who had obviously come running along another corridor and landed face forward on the floor right in front of her.

Aren't you supposed to be in a classroom? She asked as the boy quickly got back to his feet.

Uhm, yes, Professor. Well, not really. He replied, gasping for breath. Actually I'm searching for a bunny. I've been following it and I thought I could catch it and jumped at it.

McGonagall raised an eyebrow and glanced around. I didn't see anything. She said.

Sure, you couldn't, because it disappeared. The boy explained.

Are you feeling all right, Mr. Hughes?

Yes, Ma'am. I... there! Excuse me! He replied and set off running along the corridor, apparently chasing that invisible bunny again. McGonagall simply shook her head and continued on her way to the staff room. She hoped at least there she might find a place where she could finish reading the newspaper without being disturbed again. She had already gotten far enough to actually see the door she was looking for before she met two more 3rd year students muttering a quick 'Excuse me' before shouting 'There's one!'. She didn't even bother to ask anymore - whoever might feel responsible for this should take care of it, but _she_ wouldn't. Not before she had read her paper.

She smiled to herself when she found the staff room completely empty, poured herself a cup of coffee and sat down in the green armchair in the corner of the room. Already ten minutes later she came to the conclusion that this particular issue had not really been worth reading, left it lying on the table for anyone else who might want to take a look into it nonetheless and left the staff room again to check the lists for the extra transfigurations lessons on the blackboard.

You didn't happen to see any of my 3rd years?

She whirled around at the sudden sound of a voice right behind her. Do you sneak up on people like that just to see if you can startle them? She asked.

Not at all my intention. Severus replied.

As a matter of fact I did meet three of those students you're looking for about fifteen minutes ago, telling me they were chasing bunnies in the castle.

Did they catch it yet?

McGonagall raised an eyebrow at seeing him not surprised at all. You wouldn't mind to explain this to me?

Potions accident, so to say. He replied. And one that would not have happened if someone would realise that the order in which I'm writing down the ingredients actually has a meaning behind it, if I may add this.

McGonagall sighed. I won't ask you how exactly this happened, but what are we dealing with now?

Oh... just a few bunnies. Rainbow coloured and disappearing into thin air whenever you try to catch them.

How many are we talking about here?

Severus turned his head to take a look at the old clock at the wall. It's been half an hour already so I suppose it should be around... two hundred by now.

Two hundred? This was not quite what she would call 'a few'. Did I get this right, they're multiplying?

In a manner of speaking. He replied with a sly smile. Once we catch the first bunny though, the real one, no more copies will be created.

McGonagall couldn't help but smile. Let me tell you one thing, Severus: I'm truly glad that this isn't my class.

I have to admit I had hoped for a little more support from you.

Now you didn't expect me to run along corridors and chase bunnies, did you? She asked.

No, although the idea creates quite an amusing picture. But if you wouldn't mind, just in case you accidentally came across a rainbow coloured bunny, would you please catch it and should it not disappear right away, hand it over to me?

I'll be looking out for them. McGonagall replied and smiled at him. Good luck with your search.

Thank you. He muttered while turning away.

  


Severus wasn't too successful on his hunt. The bunny in question was found and caught two days later at dinner in the Great Hall by a few Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw students, treated with another potion and handed back to its owner. Its 'offspring' however had by this time already infested the whole castle and even though Mr. Filch spent most of his time searching for those bunnies there was no telling how long it would still take to finally get rid of them. Severus had handed out detentions to those students who had involuntarily invented the potion that had caused all this chaos as well as to the girl who had brought her pet to the lesson. All in all he was definitely even a lot less amused about the whole incident than the other staff members but at least none of the students dared to complain about their detentions because they knew that this time, their teachers would turn a deaf ear to them.

  


  


*******************

*******************

AN: Thank you everyone for reading! I'm glad none of you seemed to hate the last chapter because it was pretty hard to write for me. This one was a quick one, written in one night... I hope you liked it anyway although I have to admit it was a pretty meaningless chapter, wasn't it?

carpathia: Thank you! I'm glad you like it. Vivid imagination... thank you :)

Ronnie: Thank you! Was the last chapter so short? Didn't look that short to me... this one's definitely shorter ;)

shadowycat: Thank you! It's interesting that you bring up the chess game, because I have often thought about it like that as well. Do I believe a point of no return doesn't exist? No. I often tend to identify with Snape quite a lot, especially in this story, so he doesn't believe it because I don't ;) I just think that we often make the mistake to believe we had already reached this point simply because it's easier to surrender to the mistakes we made than to try and change something.


	12. The Warning

The Warning

It was getting close to Christmas and no matter how hard one might have tried, it was impossible not to notice this because the whole school had been beautifully decorated. Beautiful to anyone who cared for the whole Christmas spirit thing at least. Severus didn't. He had endured the jingling of hundreds of tiny bells and the glittering of artificial magical snow and fancy ornaments for a week already and that was really more than enough for him. By now he was actually glad that he was one of those who had been assigned to supervise the students on their trip to Hogsmeade today. Although he didn't think any sort of supervision was necessary or even possible. He at least didn't intend to tear himself into pieces while trying to run after those kids and watch over them all the time.

When he walked down the stairs to the entrance hall he saw some of the other teachers as well as quite a large crowd of students that had already gathered there. He scowled unnoticed at Professor Flitwick who was responsible for all the annoying Christmas frippery scattered everywhere and then decided to rather stand around somewhere in the background while waiting for everyone to get ready to leave. He still wondered who had been assigned to actually supervise _him_ on this trip.

  


Obviously - though surprisingly - nobody at all. Once McGonagall had told all the students where and when to meet again and where to find their teachers in case there should be any problems she had asked him to join her and the rest of his colleagues for a drink at the Three Broomsticks. He hadn't quite liked the idea so he had told her that he had to go and buy some things first, if that was okay. And to his surprise it actually seemed to be okay. At least she had let him go and he was now wandering along the crowded streets all on his own - for the first time in months. He didn't have anything to do really and there weren't a lot of places to go when trying to stay clear of those shops where he might meet some of his fellow Death Eaters or - even worse - his students.

He didn't turn around when he heard quick footsteps on the alley behind him. He only cared to take a look when he felt an arm around his shoulders. Out here all alone? Lucius Malfoy smiled at him. Always a cold smile, never a true one.

More or less.

What are you doing here? Shopping?

Supervising students actually.

Lucius frowned. And those students are _where _exactly?

Supervising themselves, I suppose.

Very well, let's go and have a drink then, shall we? Lucius asked.

If you're paying.

What, don't tell me the old man doesn't even pay you anything?

You owe me one.

Lucius nodded slowly. Ah, yes, distant memories are coming back... Come on then. He said and dragged him along the street.

Severus didn't need to mention that they should rather not go up to the Three Broomsticks - they weren't welcome guests there anyway. Not anymore at least. They rather settled for the smaller, less popular pub on the corner down the street - as always.

How have you been? Severus asked once they had sat down at a table in a dark and quiet corner.

Yes, we haven't met in a while, have we? Lucius replied and took a sip from his drink. It's been pretty quiet lately, getting over those little setbacks we had.

I see.

I'm glad I met you, though. I would have dropped by for a visit soon anyway. Lucius said in a lower voice and quickly glanced around the room. We're back. He said, a dangerous sparkle in his eyes.

Severus gave him a questioning look.

Lucius smiled a complacent smile. We're going to attack the school. If something happens there, Dumbledore will lose his job as well as his influence before he can even open his mouth to protest. And we have some good people waiting to take over his position.

_Who would that be? You?! _Do you have any idea how well this castle is protected?

We sure do. That's why we're going to attack from _inside_.

You're not talking about me, are you?

Lucius replied and shook his head. That would be way too obvious. And that's also the reason I won't tell you much more about it - if you don't know about anything, they can't blame you for anything, right?

I suppose so. But can't you at least give me a hint?

I knew you'd want to know. Lucius said with a wide smile. All I can tell you is that we're going to try to concentrate on the offspring of Aurors and some inconvenient Ministry wizards. Of course we wouldn't mind some mudbloods either, would we? Just try to look surprised in case some of those kids should somehow... _disappear_.

You know I'm an actor. Severus replied with a smirk.

Lucius nodded. Dumbledore will be away from the school on Monday to watch one of our brothers being convicted in one of their courts. That will be the day, so be prepared. 

There would be no acting required - Severus would tell Dumbledore everything he knew, even though it wasn't much. He wouldn't simply stand there and watch this time, not when it came to eleven year old kids whose only wrongdoing it was to be born to the wrong parents. And aside from that, the headmaster would not forgive him if he lied to him again.

  


Either Dumbledore really wasn't very alarmed by what Severus had to tell or he was simply very good at remaining calm when facing disasters.

Doesn't this worry you at all? Severus asked.

Dumbledore smiled at him. It seems to worry you?

Of course it does!

How would one of them get into this castle? I hope you don't think everyone can walk in and out of here as easily as you can.

No, Sir, of course not. But we're not talking about some kids trying to play a nasty trick on someone. Severus said. I'm afraid you might actually be underestimating them. Usually we're acting very well organized, following considerate plans.

Dumbledore frowned at hearing him switching from 'them' to 'we'. I'm aware of that, Severus. But up to now...

Up to now you were standing there as a last line of defense! Severus cut him off and jumped up from his armchair. And up to now, again and again, it was nothing else but _your_ power that wrecked every single one of our attacks! But _this_ time, you won't be there.

What makes you think so?

He took a deep breath and slumped down in his chair again to continue in a lower voice. I've been told you're going to be in court on Monday. That's the day.

Dumbledore nodded slowly.

Sir, you really shouldn't leave the school. Not that day. Severus said, in a very low voice and meaning it.

I have to. Dumbledore replied. This school is one of the best protected and safest places in the world and the wizards and witches teaching here are some of the best and most powerful you could find anywhere. Hogwarts is safe.

His tone indicated that he regarded this as a fact and nothing that would have to be discussed any further. Severus had never talked back to this man but then again, not a minute ago he had snapped him up for the first time in his life, so he could just as well go ahead with that.

Sir, please! It's not just a stupid idea someone came up with last night, they had _weeks_ to plan this!

I think I made myself very clear, Severus. Thank you for informing me but I don't think it is necessary to take any further steps at the moment.

Severus slowly got up from his chair. With all due respect, I think you're wrong. He said in a low voice and turned to leave. Good night.

  


Monday came and already about two hours before everyone else would meet for breakfast in the Great Hall, the headmaster left for London. Severus hadn't discussed the issue with him once more and truly hoped he wouldn't soon regret this decision. What he did and what he thought was the only useful thing he could do was to prowl the castle looking for... he had no idea what he was looking for. Something strange, something suspicious. Anything at all.

Obviously Dumbledore had at least told the other teachers to be on the spot while he wasn't there - that would seem to be the most reasonable explanation why he wasn't the only one to walk along empty corridors at six in the morning. They greeted him with silent nods, as they always did, and nobody lost a word about what they were actually doing out here.

Although he hated to be proven wrong Severus was more relieved than disappointed not to find anything unusual. No disasters before breakfast today.

***********

***********

AN: Back to the serious story with this chapter. Thank you so much everyone who is reading this and especially those of you writing me reviews!

shadowycat: Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it. Regarding the house points, yes, I think before he became head of house he was taking them from Slytherin too, not as many as from the other houses though and not having half as much fun as when taking them from Gryffindor of course ;)

risi: Thank you! Nice thought about Hagrid, I'll have to agree on that with you, it's just a pity they wouldn't make good pets because they keep disappearing... ;)

n snape: Thank you! Good to hear you found it funny :)


	13. Darkness Falls

Darkness Falls

Monday went by as normal as a day could at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Two students crashed into each other during Quidditch training and would have to spend the night in the infirmary, another student had gotten himself stuck in a trick stair and sprained his ankle, three Gryffindor girls had - more or less accidentally - been hit by a strong tickling curse cast by a Slytherin boy and Severus was beginning to accept that Dumbledore might actually have been right. He had even managed to shake off the feeling of uneasiness that had been following him around the whole day - until he heard the knock on the door. Two o'clock in the morning. He quickly set his glass down onto the table near the fireplace and got up from his armchair. Anxiety was back. When he opened the door and saw McGonagall standing there he knew something had happened: She looked very worried and had obviously been sleeping already before being called out of bed by the bearer of the bad news.

What happened? He asked immediately, grabbed his cloak and stepped out onto the corridor.

One of my students has vanished. She replied while starting to walk again. We've been searching for him all over the castle but he was nowhere to be found. His friends told us he had sneaked out of their room three hours ago already...

Who is it?

Damian Coffey. One of my first years.

Severus gave her a scrutinizing look. She didn't only look worried, it was more something between desperate and furious, having turned her from the cold and composed deputy headmistress she seemed to be into the caring and overly protective mother lion she actually was.

What does his father do?

McGonagall hesitated, obviously a little surprised by this question. His parents died two years ago, his father worked for the Ministry.

Damian Coffey. Severus thought about the name for a moment. It didn't tell him anything aside from the first year Gryffindor he had last seen Thursday morning in class. But well, he couldn't know about everything. It still seemed likely to him that his parents had been killed by Death Eaters although McGonagall hadn't said so. In any case that kid could very well be the sort of victim they were looking for.

Do you have any idea at all what might have happened to him? Severus inquired.

She shook her head. We can't even tell if it really was them at all. Nonetheless Albus wanted to speak to you, just in case he should summon you again... McGonagall stepped in front of him to block his way, turned around to face him and tried to catch a look into his eyes. Severus, what are they going to do to him? She asked in a low voice.

He couldn't stand to look into her eyes. It made him feel uncomfortable, even though she wasn't accusing him of anything. Still, he had to look away. I don't know. He replied quickly and started walking again, giving her no chance to say anything else. She had never asked him anything before. She had always been the teacher and he had been the student. And now he didn't even have an answer for her.

  


Yes, Severus. You were right. It was the first thing Dumbledore said to him which left him slightly surprised because he hadn't even wanted to mention it. Still, the 'I told you so' had probably been quite evident in his expression. After you told me I informed the rest of the staff, I cancelled the admission of any visitors, we strengthened the security barriers and put up some additional charms.

Severus nodded. So his warning had actually worried the headmaster more than he had let show. Though, obviously, not enough. Dumbledore had seemed so convinced that his school was safe, that nothing evil could ever find its way into these walls. Now that it had, he actually looked worried, so Severus was sure he couldn't even guess how worried he really _was_.

Although he was quite convinced that he would not be summoned and probably wasn't supposed to play a big role in this whole thing anyway, after twenty minutes of talking to the headmaster he was at least thoroughly prepared, just in case. Once Dumbledore was convinced he had told him everything that could probably have been worth saying he sent him out to keep watch on the corridors for the rest of the night just as the other teachers did. He wouldn't have minded wandering about the castle the whole night had he not been assigned to stay in the area around the Slytherin common room and dormitories for this meant he would spend his time in the immediate vicinity of Professor Kohanek. Already long ago he had come to the conclusion that this man had to be the one person he disliked most in the whole school. He was even worse than the students, for the simple reason that no matter what Severus did, no matter how unfriendly and rude he treated him, he just wouldn't leave him alone.

Tonight it was different though. Kohanek was standing right in front of the Slytherin common room and when Severus turned around the corner to walk along the corridor towards him, he felt his eyes following him all the time. He refrained from asking him what he was staring at and simply walked past him in search for a place not too close to him where he could pace up and down a little and look for whatever there might be to look for. The other man kept staring at him with a mixture of suspicion and curiosity for the next ten minutes.

I have to check on a few more corridors on this floor. Kohanek said eventually. It would probably be best if we would go together, it might not be safe to go on our own.

Severus simply nodded and followed him along into the darkness. He couldn't get rid of the feeling that Kohanek had only asked him to come along because he didn't like the thought of leaving him without supervision.

They walked through corridor after corridor in silence and although Severus had no idea what he should be looking for he was pretty sure that they weren't going to find it like this. He had already spent hours puzzling about what his fellow Death Eaters had in mind and now had been thinking about how they could have done it ever since the moment McGonagall had told him that kid had disappeared. He didn't have a doubt that the Death Eaters had to be responsible for this. Suddenly he heard something from behind them, stopped and turned around.

Just another of those wretched rainbow bunnies... Kohanek muttered when he turned around as well.

Severus glowered down at the magic creature as it slowly hobbled across the corridor, looked up at them, sniffled and then continued on its way. He had hoped not to see one of those anymore and definitely didn't intend trying to catch that thing now. Maybe, if he stared at it long enough, it would just dissolve into thin air under his glare.

It slowly moved on towards the black shadows filling the corner at the end of the corridor. Both men were watching this as all of a sudden - it disappeared. Severus frowned. He hadn't seen one of them vanish unless someone was trying to catch it. Not until now.

Where did it go? Kohanek asked and walked past him towards the corner.

Just as he was about to step into the shadows, Severus jumped forward, grabbed him by his arm and pulled him back.

Kohanek hissed and glared at him.

I don't think that would be a good idea. He replied in a low voice.

Why not?

Look at it. That shadow in the corner, it's different... darker. Severus muttered, still staring down at the ground. It might be dangerous...

Are you telling me that that's how they do it? People disappear if they walk into that shadow?

It's a possibility. We will have to test it.

Fine, I'll do it. Kohanek said, pushed him to the side and stepped towards the shadow again. And again, Severus pulled him back, with a little more force this time, enough to push him against the opposite wall.

If you step in there, He said and pointed towards the corner. you might very well end up dead.

Kohanek asked in a mocking tone. Unlike you, right?

I'm sorry? _He doesn't know. He can't. Nobody knows aside from Dumbledore and McGonagall. At least... that's what they said to me._

Oh yes, I know. Kohanek said with a superior smile on his face. I know everything about you, about what you did, what you are.

Severus just stared at him blankly. So Dumbledore had lied to him.

Well, I think it's about time for me to properly introduce myself. The other man continued and held out his hand to him. It's Sascha Saburac actually. I suppose the name rings a bell?

It did indeed. Severus never forgot a name once he had heard it. So he wasn't just some guy from Durmstrang teaching here but a member of a highly respectable wizarding family and, adding to that, an Auror. Of course - this also explained his position. Who would be more suitable to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts?

Saburac's Book of the Dead? Or rather, as it is called more often, the pathetic attempt of a muggle to write about the world of ghosts? Severus asked with a smirk.

The other man smiled at him coldly. My grandfather's work, indeed. He replied, forcing himself not to react to the insult. Now why don't you just wipe that smile off your face and do something to prove your loyalty.

And what would you expect me to do? Severus asked defiantly and folded his arms in front of his chest.

Not that much really, just take a few steps over there. Saburac replied and nodded towards the dark corner.

I definitely won't. Severus said. I have no idea what it does, it could just as well kill me.

We'll know in a few seconds.

I told you, I'm not going to do that. It's completely useless anyway to just stumble into...

Do you think Damian had a plan? Saburac cut him off. Aren't you even willing to take a little risk to save that kid? To pay for what you did?

I'm simply not a friend of reckless heroism.

So cowardice is another Slytherin character trait, isn't it? Saburac's eyes narrowed when he noticed Severus wouldn't show any reaction to this. Do it now or I'll make you. He hissed.

Are you threatening me? Severus asked in a low voice.

Yes, I suppose I am. And if...

Sascha, Severus, please. Both men turned around at the sound of the voice and saw Dumbledore and McGonagall walking towards them.

I think we might have found it. Saburac said.

Yes, the shadows. McGonagall replied and looked past him into the corner. Mr. Filch just found another spot like that so we assume there might be even more of them all over the castle.

Did you already test what it does? Saburac asked.

We cast some spells at it and it seems as if it worked similar to a port key. McGonagall said.

We should send someone in then.

Severus involuntarily took a step backwards.

No, Sascha. Dumbledore said in a low voice. That's a risk we don't have to take. There are other ways. He nodded at Snape to follow him and slowly walked along the corridor. He didn't begin to speak before he was sure they were out of hearing range of McGonagall and Saburac.

Severus, I need your help now. Dumbledore said in a low voice.

You lied to me. Severus muttered without looking at him. He didn't know why he had said that, he hadn't wanted to bring that up now. Not at all actually. He had lied to Dumbledore, Dumbledore had lied to him, so now they should be even.

What do you mean? The headmaster asked.

Sascha Saburac. I can't remember you mentioning that the head of Slytherin house is an Auror. And that you told him all about me.

Dumbledore said softly and sighed. Even if I would have found it right, I couldn't have told you about him. Minerva and myself are the only ones who know, for security reasons - the rest of the staff has been told he had just a side job at the Ministry. I'm sorry for that. Regarding what he knows about you, he figured that out for himself. He might have come across your name in his job once or twice.

Severus stared down at the ground. What can I do? He asked softly.

You can go and find out what happened to that boy.

_Find out what happened? That's it? No reckless rescue missions? No suicidal actions to prove my loyalty? It shouldn't be too hard to find someone to give me some information._

  


  


_***********_

_***********_

AN: Thank you everyone for reading!

N Snape: Thank you! I'm glad you liked it. It took me a little longer to update this time but I hope you liked this as well, although it was more of a subtle attack.

shadowycat: Thank you! Yes, he has finally chosen his side, I believe he cares for those kids more than he shows.

risi: Thank you! That was a really interesting thought about a test for his loyalty, never even thought about that... As you can see, he _could_ have said I told you so! ;)


	14. Foul Whisperings Are Abroad

Foul Whisperings Are Abroad

Severus apparated outside Malfoy Manor a few minutes later. It was always a good place to start at for Lucius usually knew about nearly everything the Dark side was or was not doing and barely ever hesitated to share his knowledge with any of his friends that might be interested. If he trusted them. And Severus didn't have a doubt that he still trusted him.

It took him only a few minutes to walk up to the impressive old mansion, he knocked on the black wooden entrance door and a second later it was opened for him by a house elf.

Is Lucius here? He asked even before the elf could say a word.

Yes, Sir, he is, but I'm afraid Master Malfoy is asleep at the moment. The elf replied quickly, staring up at him out of big eyes.

Wake him up then. Severus said, pushed the elf aside, walked past it and strode across the entrance hall.

The house elf quickly closed the door and hurried after him. Sir might not be aware of what time it is but Master Malfoy...

I'm very well aware of the time. Severus snarled. Just go and get him. Now.

The elf hesitated for a moment, obviously thinking hard about what its master would want it to do now. Severus glared down at the creature, waiting for a reaction. Yes, Sir. The elf finally said and set off up the stairs.

Severus meanwhile walked over to the cupboard in the corner, opened one of the wooden doors, took out a half emptied bottle of Scotch and made himself at home on the large velvet sofa where Lucius usually let his guests wait. And most of them waited there for a long time. Not him though. Lucius came walking down the stairs a few minutes later, wearing a black bathrobe, a pair of black boots and a surly expression.

Do you have any idea what time it is? He growled as soon as he stood in front of his visitor.

I do. Severus replied, took another sip from the bottle and set it down onto the table next to him. Dumbledore is missing one of his students and sent me out to find him.

Then I suppose you have just done so. Lucius replied, sat down in an armchair and took the bottle from the table.

So the kid is here?

In the dungeons.

Very well, now I have something to report to Dumbledore at least. Severus said in a low voice.

Lucius had just been about to swallow down a big gulp of that Scotch and started to cough badly enough to awake the impression that he was close to suffocating. Severus smiled at him and once he was able to breathe again it took Lucius a few more seconds of staring at him blankly before he returned his smile.

So what did you actually come here for? He asked.

Severus raised his head as he saw another person slowly walking down the wide stairs. A young woman, tall, blond, dressed in a red silken bathrobe and obviously in a mood that could easily have surpassed Lucius' surliness.

She asked in a sleepy voice and came to a halt halfway down the stairs. What are you doing there?

Lucius didn't even look at her. Just go back upstairs. He said softly. This is a private conversation.

Severus met the woman's cold gray eyes and she gave him a scrutinizing look before turning around and walking back up the stairs. _Obeying without asking, just the right woman for you._

Lucius said proudly as soon as he heard the door to the bedroom fall closed again. Lovely, isn't she?`

I suppose you could say so.

Lucius just sighed and shook his head at him. So where were we? Ah, yes, still trying to clarify what exactly lead you here, weren't we?

I have to at least pretend to do something whenever Dumbledore tells me to. And of course I'm personally pretty interested in the answers to his questions and therefor used my chance to leave the castle on my own to pay you a visit. Severus replied.

Lucius smiled at him, obviously pleased with his explanations. That kid wasn't really what we were looking for but it should be working out this way nonetheless.

What do you have in mind?

That depends. It would definitely be nice to get our hands on another kid, one whose parents have some influence. Are they suspecting anything yet?

Aside from the Dark Lord being responsible for it, no. Severus replied. They have no idea how you might have done it and are still keeping things secret.

Good, very good. Lucius said in a low voice.

It's the shadows, isn't it? Severus asked. Working as some kind of portal?

Lucius raised an eyebrow in surprise. I should have known you'd figure it out. He said. Anyone who steps into one of those shadows will end up unconscious in one of my dungeons.

I'm impressed. Severus said. But how did you get such a powerful piece of Dark magic into the castle?

That was pretty simple actually. Lucius was obviously very proud of what they had achieved and eager to tell him about it. Filch did that for us.

Filch? When since do we have a squib playing on our side?

Oh, he doesn't even know. We prepared a box of matches for him. He needs those to light the torches in the corridors, has to buy them in Hogsmeade. So whenever he uses one of those special matches to light a torch, the shadow it casts will work as another port key for us. It's as simple as it's brilliant, isn't it?

It is indeed... You didn't curse the whole box of matches though, did you? I'm pretty sure Dumbledore would sense the Dark magic in the castle if there were too many.

Lucius nodded. My thoughts exactly. Only five of them, four of the ports have already been activated in the morning, right after that squib bought the matches. He always buys them Monday morning, every two weeks. It came in very handy that the headmaster had to leave the castle on a Monday, otherwise he might have noticed something when the traps were set up.

Very well done, I have to say. Severus said in an attempt to show Lucius the admiration he was obviously craving for. I suppose you already considered the possibility of making some demands on our behalf in return for that kid's life?

Lucius said slowly. But we would probably need another kid for that. Some orphan nobody cares for is not much to start negotiating about.

They're very careful in the school now. Severus replied. Keeping watch and patrolling corridors.

Lucius nodded slowly. I see... we might have to settle for the little brat we already have then. I'll inform our master about this at the gathering tomorrow night so he can decide if we need to keep the kid alive any longer or should rather use him to state an example of our power.

_No, no, no, this is definitely starting to get out of hand and heading into exactly the opposite direction from where I wanted it to go..._

Yes, you should do that. Severus said, appearing perfectly calm on the outside while racking his brains for the most sensible thing to say or do now. Let me know what has been decided, if you can. This could very well be an extraordinarily great success for us.

Lucius gave him a confident smile. I will.

Don't let me keep you any longer then. Severus said, nodded towards the stairs leading up to the first floor and got up from the sofa.

I suppose you're also dearly missed at the school already. Lucius stood up as well and grinned at him. I'll take you to the door.

Severus allowed him to lead him across the hall back to the entrance door, well aware of the house elf that was watching them curiously from a shadowy corner. When he stepped out onto the front porch he sighed inaudibly upon seeing that it had started to snow heavily.

Lucius looked out into the darkness out of narrowed eyes. Nasty weather, wouldn't send a dog out... He muttered. Don't let the old man get you down, will you.

Severus didn't reply anything, he simply nodded and reluctantly walked off into that cold winter's night.

  


When he stepped through the heavy front doors into the dimly lit hall his mood couldn't have been any lower. He was shivering from cold, had a headache worse than ever before - as far as he could remember at least - and the wet snow had started to soak through his clothes. Silently he cursed all the security barriers that made apparating from here to Malfoy's house nearly as bad as simply walking there and quickly climbed up the stairs to the first floor, hoping he would meet someone there to tell him where Dumbledore could be found. Instead he ran into the headmaster himself, accompanied by McGonagall, patrolling the first floor.

Have you been outside like this? McGonagall greeted him and looked at him out of narrowed eyes. Severus just stared at her blankly. It's snowing, you could catch your death out there!

For a moment Severus contemplated telling her to stop mothering him and that he wasn't a child anymore. Yes, I noticed. He simply said instead and turned to Dumbledore. We were right, it's the shadows. They...

McGonagall seized his wrist and pulled him around to face her. What about Damian? She asked quickly, staring straight into his eyes. Obviously the headmaster hadn't even told her what he had sent him out for.

He's alive. Severus replied. He could see that he had just taken a load off her mind with those words.

Is he all right? Did you see him? She asked.

No, I didn't, but I'm convinced he's safe for now.

McGonagall took a deep breath, nodded and gently squeezed his hand before letting go of him again.

We started searching for a way to destroy those shadows... Dumbledore started but was immediately cut off.

Severus said. Not yet. They'll notice and once they do, nobody can tell what will happen to that kid.

Where do they keep him? Dumbledore asked.

Severus shook his head. Any attempt to just run in there and rescue him would be futile and probably even put his life in danger.

But we have to do something, Severus. The headmaster said softly.

Let me take care of this. Severus suggested.

We can't take any risks, the boy's life is at stake here. Dumbledore replied.

You will have to decide if you trust me. If you do, give me time until tomorrow night. I'll understand if you don't, then I'll tell you what I know and you'll just have to do what you think is best. Severus was speaking slowly and in a low voice, well aware of the significance of the decision he forced Dumbledore to make right here and now. The headmaster looked at him for a long time, wearing a very thoughtful and serious expression, McGonagall just looked from one to the other, searching for any sort of reaction one of them might show.

Severus just hoped he would say yes. He was convinced that it was the one and only chance for that kid to get out of this alive. And he hoped it not only for that boy's sake. It surprised him, but he wanted to hear it now, he wanted to push Dumbledore into a corner with no other way out than to give him a clear, honest answer to this question. He wouldn't get out with a 'I trust you, but...' or anything like that, it was either yes or no now. And Severus felt so much like he deserved this trust. Yes, sure, he had lied to him before. He couldn't take offence if Dumbledore wouldn't want to make the same mistake again. But now he had lied to Lucius and now he was willing to even deceive the Dark Lord himself, if only he would tell him he trusted him. He would prove he was worth his trust.

I trust you. Dumbledore finally said. Severus looked at him for a few seconds, waiting for a 'but'. And I do trust your judgement in this matter. The headmaster added instead.

Thank you, Sir. Severus replied, unable to think of anything better to say, nodded at McGonagall and the headmaster and set off down the corridor.

McGonagall looked after him until he disappeared behind the next corner. Do you really think that's the right thing to do? She asked in a low voice.

As I said, I do trust him. Dumbledore replied.

Yes. But can he actually do this on his own?

I also trust that he knows what he's doing.

***************

***************

AN: Thank you to everyone reading and especially to my loyal reviewers! I hope you guys know that you keep me posting and also make me quite happy actually :)

shadowycat: Thank you! I'm glad you still find it interesting. You're quite right about the Auror also being there to keep an eye on the Slytherins.

n snape: Thank you! Good to hear you liked it, unfortunately I suppose it was the last time we saw one of those rainbow bunnies ;)

risi: Thank you! I'm sure Severus would be glad to hear *someone* said 'I told you so!' after all ;)


	15. Reckless Rescue Mission

Reckless Rescue Mission - The Slytherin Way

Severus spent the next day basically just waiting for the time to pass. He didn't have to think about his plan too much, probably due to the reason that he didn't have much of a plan. He had definitely expected himself to be able to come up with something a little more elaborate than his 'I'll just walk in there and get him out' - concept. But he still had a few hours before he would have to leave, time enough for at least one or two brilliant ideas, he hoped.

  


At half past nine he was sitting in his office and staring at the hands of the old clock in the corner, waiting impatiently for them to move. He had to admit to himself that he was a little nervous by now. More than a little probably, he thought as he noticed he had been tapping his fingers on the table all the time. He jumped up from his chair, walked over to the shelf on the wall, fetched the three small vials he had prepared and took them back to his desk. Holding them up in front of the flickering flame of the candle he once more checked the colour of the liquids - for the fifth time today. And, no surprise, they still looked the same and they still looked good to him. He took a deep breath and put the vials safely into his vest's pockets. After picking up his cloak from the chair where he had dropped it, for a few seconds he just stood still in the middle of the room and closed his eyes. He was good at _appearing_ calm and composed but right now he knew he would have to actually _be_ it. One little mistake could ruin it all - he should better have all this senses together tonight.

When he left the castle a few minutes later he made sure that he wouldn't be seen by any of the students. He knew the parents of some of these kids very well and wouldn't want to risk arising their suspicion. That was also the reason why they had tried to guard the shadow portals without attracting any attention. It definitely wasn't easy with a few dozens of little might-be-spies in the castle.

  


Entering Malfoy's property was no problem for him. Although his presence would not go unnoticed it at least wouldn't trigger an alarm. The only thing that was still bothering him was if he would manage to outwit that magical gatebook that should have been writing down his name the very moment he had crossed the anti-apparition border. This house really was guarded nearly as well as Hogwarts.

He stepped onto the front porch, took the wand out and hid it in his right sleeve. Not his own wand. He couldn't risk to use his own wand for this, it was too likely that he was going to be suspected and the first thing they would do would be to verify what spells he had cast with his wand. McGonagall had been pretty reluctant about lending her wand to him, especially without knowing what he was up to. Still she had finally agreed - not without rolling her eyes at him - when he had asked her if she seriously expected him to walk out there and cast some Unforgivables. And yes, now standing here, for a second he contemplated his options. He could do everything. He could walk away and never come back, he could use that wand to cause any evil he could think of and nothing could ever be traced back to him.

He raised his hand to knock on the door which was right away opened by the same house elf he had already met the night before.

Master Malfoy is not here, Sir. The elf said upon seeing him and stepped up right in front of him as if intending to block his way.

_Good. _ Severus replied. I will have to wait for him here.

Master Malfoy did not give any instructions about... The elf replied but Severus wasn't going to discuss and just stepped inside.

Don't worry, he probably just forgot. He said, restraining the urge to tell Malfoy's little servant to shut up and get lost. I'll wait in the living room.

The elf stared up at him, blinked a few times and then nodded. If Sir should be in need of anything...

I'm fine. Severus replied harshly, the elf nodded again, bowed to him and turned to leave. As soon as the elf had turned its back to him - a house elf could be a worthy opponent and he would definitely not make the mistake to underestimate one of them again - he let the wand slide out of his sleeve and pointed it towards the small creature.

He said in a low voice, the elf was hit by the spell and thrown a few feet across the floor. It would probably only be a minute before it would be back on its feet so he didn't waste any more time, set off across the hall and down the old stone stairs leading into the dungeons.

The whole Malfoy house had a pretty dark and lurid atmosphere but the further he descended down the stairs, the heavier it became. The cold and dark vaults were truly Lucius' realm, he actually spent more of his time down here than in the rest of the house. Severus shared his passion for places like this, places where mostly nobody else would set a foot if they wouldn't have to - they had often been wandering around Hogwarts' dungeons together when they had been students.

Once he had reached the end of the staircase he stopped to take a look around. It was a little too dark down here to see much, but having been here before, more than once, he knew there actually were only two, maybe three places where that kid could be. He turned left and silently followed the narrow and winding corridor. Aside from the sound of water dripping down from the damp stone walls every now and then it was completely quiet down here and Severus doubted that, no matter how hard he tried, his footsteps would not be heard by whoever else might be here to guard the dungeon where they kept the boy. Carefully he looked around the next corner to find yet another deserted corridor. He turned around and walked back into the direction where he had come from, turned left and followed a small spiral staircase leading further down into the dungeons. As soon as he reached its end he could see light coming from behind the next corner - he should have found the right place. Staying hidden in the shadows at the corner he threw a quick glance down the corridor: only one man was keeping watch in front of that dungeon.

_Kato, dullness on two legs. What a pleasure to see just you sitting there indeed._

He took out McGonagall's wand again, pointed it towards the faraway end of the corridor and whispered _Calo Opacus._

A second later the spell hit the dark wall with a low crackling sound and the man sitting at the table in front of the dungeon looked up. He narrowed his eyes and stared down the corridor when he heard another sound. At first he couldn't quite tell what it was but the longer he listened to it the more convinced he grew that it had to be voices whispering to each other. He leaned a little across the table he was sitting at, trying to see something that would prove what he thought to have heard. Nothing but darkness. He shook his head and leaned back in his chair again when he heard something else that sounded a lot like footsteps to him. He stood up and slowly walked around the table to stand in the middle of the corridor and peer down into the darkness.

_Come on, move. I know you want to know what it is so just walk down that corridor and have a look..._

The man made a few more steps, stopped again and looked back at his place in front of the dungeon door.

_Move, damn it! I don't have forever... _Severus was nervously twirling the wand in his fingers and glared at the man from out of the shadows as if hoping to be able to set him into motion like this.

And it really seemed to work. Whether it was Severus' glare or his own curiosity, the man walked back to the door to make sure it was locked, looked around once more and then set off down the corridor to find out where the whispering and the footsteps came from.

Severus gave him another second to turn around the corner before he silently walked over to the now unguarded door. Pointing the borrowed wand at the lock he quickly muttered the correct spell to remove the magical seal, the door swung open and he slipped inside, pulling the door closed behind him again.

The dungeon was dark and clammy, no place where one would like to stay. And definitely no place for the eleven year old boy cowering in the corner. Severus heard the chair outside being pulled towards the table as the guard sat down again and knew he had exactly thirty seconds now before he would - hopefully - leave his place once more. Severus silently walked across the room and reached out for the motionless body on the ground.

When he touched the boy he flinched and his body started to tremble. It was too dark in this part of the room to see anything and Severus couldn't risk that the kid would start to scream or make any sound at all so he just pulled him to his feet with one arm around his waist while covering his mouth with his other hand. Unfortunately Damian showed he was a true Gryffindor and - although he had to know he didn't have a chance - immediately started struggling, kicking him and digging his fingers into his arm. He silently cursed the kid, dragged him along to the wall next to the door and seriously considered letting him serve detention for this when the boy suddenly stopped fighting him. Severus loosened his grip a little and when Damian remained quiet he released him completely. The boy slowly turned around to face him when they both heard a loud crashing sound from outside the door. The crash was followed by a chair falling to the floor and quick footsteps moving down the corridor. Severus opened the door again, found the guard's place deserted and set off into the opposite direction, dragging the kid along with him.

It didn't take them long to get up to the ground floor, to one of the backdoors and outside - Severus knew his way around this house. Even though the boy seemed to have trouble to keep up with him he didn't slow down, he just didn't have time for that, there was still a lot to be done before Lucius would return. As soon as they had crossed the borderline of the protection charms he firmly grabbed Damian's arm, took out McGonagall's wand and just hoped he would manage to disapparate and take the kid along with that wand.

It worked. To his surprise they even ended up exactly where he had wanted to, right in front of the gates to Hogwarts grounds. And Minerva McGonagall was standing there only a few steps away and waiting for them, just as he had asked her to. This really seemed to work just like he had planned it. It was obviously hard for her to keep up her stern expression upon seeing her missing Gryffindor standing in front of her again.

Severus took a deep breath - using a wand that was not his own was more exhausting than he had expected. Walk up to the castle. He said in a low voice and pushed Damian towards the gates.

Maybe I should take him... McGonagall started.

Severus interrupted her. I need you to take me back now. He said and held her wand out towards her.

She took it and threw him a questioning look. He had asked her if she had ever been at the Malfoy property before and now she finally understood why.

I mustn't use my own wand and I can't have yours with me there. Severus added when she didn't react.

Why do you want to go back? She asked and slowly took her wand from him.

Cover up any traces I left behind. He replied curtly.

Once they discover his escape your life will be at risk and...

And if I don't go back I'm a dead man. _Please just do it now, I actually have a plan here. Maybe I should just have set up a portkey... How I hate to have to rely on others._

She looked at him for a few seconds and then noticed that Damian had actually not done as he was told but was still standing at the gates and watching them. Mr. Coffey, up to the castle, now! She said and the boy set into motion. She looked back at Severus and sighed. She said in a low voice, took him by his arm and they disapparated.

***************

***************

AN: Thank you everyone for reading and of course special thanks to everyone who wrote me a review! Reviews make author happy ;) I hope you also liked this one. If you did, the next one will be up soon, within two or three days probably.

shadowycat: Thank you! You're impressed? I'm flattered :) I'm glad you liked the shadows/matches, I wasn't to sure about that one...

Aku Maru: Thank you! I'm glad you still like it :)

Nemo: Thank you. A very inspired review, I really liked that.

N Snape: Thank you! Glad to hear you forgive me about the bunnies ;) I hope you liked this chapter

Skadi: Thank you! It's good to hear you like it :)

Anna Mette: Thank you! It's great to see you're back and still reading and that you still like the story and 'my' Snape

littlebhaggy: Thank you! I'm glad you liked it this far and that you think I manage to write Severus well :)


	16. The Return Of The Traitor

The Return Of The Traitor

They apparated outside Malfoy's house again and Severus immediately started walking up the small hill without wasting any more time by discussing with McGonagall. And she would have started another discussion. Like this all that was left for her to do was to tell him to be careful and to watch him walking away until he was swallowed by the darkness.

Severus entered the house again through the back door which he had left open and quickly walked up the stairs to the first floor office where Lucius kept that magical book that could reveal his role in this little play. He found the gatebook in its usual place on the desk at the window. Looking down at the old yellow pages he could read his name written there exactly three times as he had been entering the estate, leaving together with the kid and entering again.

This better worked... He whispered to himself as he took two of the vials from his pocket. Because if it doesn't I'll have to just burn that damn book. Carefully he removed the silver screw top from the first vial and let a few drops of the shiny orange liquid fall down onto each of the three lines of black ink handwriting he wanted to eliminate. He waited, mentally counting to twenty while nervously looking out of the window and back at the book again. Then he opened the second vial and poured the clear liquid onto the now blurry letters. Smoke started to rise up from the paper where the potion had touched it and the lines and letters started to move, curl and disappear. A pleased smile crossed his lips as he turned away and left the office - the book had been the one thing that had worried him most.

  


As soon as he was back in the dungeons and had made sure that the guard was sitting in his chair again without yet having noticed his captive's escape, he suddenly realised that there was one thing he hadn't thought about: how to get past him once more. He couldn't cast another distraction charm that would lure him away from his place in front of the door, not with his own wand. He leaned back against the wall.It was pretty hard for him to think, hiding here in the shadows and just waiting for Lucius to return from the gathering and to find out about everything that had happened here tonight. No, he really didn't have time to think about a good plan. He looked around him, searching the dark ground and immediately found what he was looking for. Well, not exactly what he was looking for, but he hadn't expected the perfect solution to his problem just lying around in the corridor. He gathered a few pieces of stone that had crumbled off the walls and silently moved back into the shadows behind the corner from where he could see the guard.

_Please, be dumb enough to fall for this..._

He leaned forward and sent one of the small stones flying along the corridor and hitting the faraway wall with a well aimed throw. The man blocking the door to the dungeon heard it, raised his head, looked left and right and then went back to cleaning the soles of his boots with his wand.

_Don't be so lazy, it's no fun if you don't play along..._

Severus threw another stone, the man looked up again but didn't move. But he looked nervous. The distraction charm he had cast earlier seemed to have taken it out of him. Severus threw a third stone and this time the guard jumped up from his place and strode down the corridor, wand in his raised hand.

Without making a sound Severus crossed the corridor, got back into the dungeon and closed the door behind him.

_I love it when a plan comes together._

Now all he could do was to sit and wait. He sank down to the ground with his back to the wall and now that his eyes had gotten used to the darkness he started to survey his surroundings. There wasn't anything entertaining to be found though, there wasn't even a window. Just four walls, a low ceiling and a cold hard ground. He took the third vial from his pocket and studied it thoughtfully. That potion would keep him unconscious for ten minutes, just enough time to awake the impression that he had actually been taken here by one of their port keys. Not enough time to risk losing his life to Lucius' blaze of anger before waking up again, he hoped. He yawned and leaned his head back against the wall. He felt tired and exhausted. Not nervous anymore at least, there was just no sensible reason to be - he had done everything in his power for this to work out. He closed his eyes and concentrated on listening, waiting for Lucius' return.

  


The echo of footsteps and loud voices made him jerk and quickly open his eyes again. He just should have known better than to believe he would manage to stay fully awake with his eyes closed and silently cursed himself for his carelessness. He opened the the vial, swallowed the potion, realised there was no use in searching for some in any way comfortable place and lied down on the ground just where he was, waiting for nothingness to overcome him.

  


A boot in his ribs and a loud unfriendly Damn it, wake up! woke him again. One of Lucius' usual blow-ups.

No use in breaking my ribs. Severus muttered as he forced his eyes open again. Lucius was looming over him, glaring down, his face contorted in anger.

_You really hate it when you lose control, don't you?_

What the hell happened here! Lucius barked.

To me it seems as if someone had really messed up. Severus replied while struggling to get up from the ground.

What are you doing here? Lucius asked and folded his arms.

Trying to find out how your little captive managed to suddenly show up in front of the gates of Hogwarts in the middle of the night. He replied tauntingly.

And you came here through the portal?

Severus said, throwing him an annoyed look. Probably the only way to get out unnoticed, isn't it? _Damn. What if the gatebook writes down anyone arriving through the portal as well and my name's not in it._ _How could I not think of that._

Damn it! Lucius barked for at least the tenth time that night and angrily kicked the door into the stone wall. Kato, the man that had been guarding the dungeon, was standing a few feet away and watching him nervously. He knew he was going to be held responsible for this and he also knew that meant a lot of trouble.

Tell me one thing, Lucius: how many completely brainless idiots are required to allow a little kid to escape from a locked and guarded room? Severus continued.

One should be enough. Lucius spat and glowered at Kato.

Two other men were standing outside on the corridor, watching the scene while staying at a safe distance.

I will have to pay for that... Lucius muttered and slowly walked across the dark room. I will have to pay... Suddenly he whirled around to glare at Kato again. But I will not go down alone, I'll take you with me, you're the one responsible for this!

But I... Kato muttered, lowering his eyes to the ground.

Not a word! Lucius hissed. Severus watched him. He knew him well enough to know he would rather have killed the culprit right here and now. Someone must have helped him, he couldn't have done it on his own... Lucius muttered. You didn't let him out, did you? He asked in a low voice and turned around to face Kato again. Not even you could be so stupid.

I didn't! Kato tried to defend himself. I've been keeping watch all night!

You left your place. Lucius said coldly.

Of course you did, don't lie to me! Lucius roared, strode towards him and pushed him a few steps backwards. Why did you leave your place!

I didn't!

Why did you leave your place! Lucius shouted straight into his face.

I thought I had heard something that...

You _thought_? You _thought_! If you'd stop thinking altogether and would just do as you're told... His voice trailed off as he turned away and ran a hand through his hair.

There was someone down here, I heard them whispering and I heard their footsteps so I...

Just shut up now! Nobody was down here, nobody was in this house, except for you and that kid. Slowly he raised his head and looked at Severus out of narrowed eyes. And _you_.

Severus looked back at him, keeping his face as expressionless as possible.

Maybe you felt sympathy for your little student? Poor little orphan, snatched by evil wizards and locked up in a dungeon? Lucius asked.

Severus only snorted in return.

And then you decided to save him? It would make you quite a hero in Dumbledore's eyes too, wouldn't it?

You should hear yourself talking... Severus muttered. You're so pathetic, searching for someone to blame for this. Your house, your dungeon, your responsibility.

Lucius replied. Give me your wand then.

No? Why? Do you have anything to hide?

I just don't think you're in a position to give me orders. Severus said with a smirk.

If you have nothing to do with it, why don't you prove it?

Severus rolled his eyes at him, reluctantly took out his wand and handed it over to him. There you go. But I'm afraid you'll find nothing that could help you out of this.

Lucius grabbed the wand from his hand, took out his own and stepped out onto the better illuminated corridor. Severus heard him muttering '_Prior_ _Incantato_' and '_Deletrius_' a moment later, followed by a few curse words and heavy footsteps. He smiled to himself - it really looked as if tonight he might walk out of here as the winner of this little game. He strode across the dungeon, found his wand lying a few feet away on the corridor floor where Lucius had thrown it, picked it up and without a word walked past the other men and back up to the entrance hall.

He called up the stairs. The other three hadn't followed him, they knew better than to get too close to Malfoy right now. Instead of an answer Lucius himself came slowly walking down the stairs from the first floor again.

I have to leave now. Severus said in a low voice.

He seemed to have calmed down again by now.

Do you have any clue how this could happen?

Lucius took a deep breath and shook his head. No. I have no idea and would I not know better I'd say it was impossible for that kid to escape.

Severus nodded slowly. Good luck. He said before he turned away to leave.

He wasn't quite sure if he had really meant it, but Lucius could definitely use some luck when he would have to justify himself in front of Voldemort.

  


When Severus returned to the castle he just wanted to fall into his bed and sleep. Unfortunately McGonagall had told him at least three times to inform her as soon as he got back and he had finally given in to her once again. Thinking about it, she always managed to make him do exactly what she wanted him to do in the end. Slowly he walked up the stairs and along the empty corridor until he reached the staff room. He yawned, knocked and opened the door a little, just enough to take a look inside - he didn't intend to stay for a midnight chat. Dumbledore and McGonagall were sitting at the end of the table and both looked up at him.

I'm back. Severus said quickly. Just wanted to let you know. He added upon noticing that this was really pretty obvious and glanced over at McGonagall. Actually he had wanted to tell them that he'd be going to bed now and close the door again before one of them could say a word but unfortunately Dumbledore was faster.

So everything worked out the way you planned it? He asked.

Yes, it should have. Severus replied and slowly took a step backwards to leave again.

Nobody is suspecting you?

No. They're probably still trying to figure out how he could escape but they should be convinced that I had nothing to do with it.

Why don't you come in and have a seat? McGonagall asked.

Severus had expected they would want to know a little more about what had happened and what he had done tonight. Actually I'm really tired, so if you wouldn't mind, I'd rather delay that.

Of course. Dumbledore replied and smiled at him.

Severus nodded at both of them, stepped outside, pulled the door closed and started walking along the corridor.

_I didn't even ask them if the boy was all right._

He slowed down a little.

_Well, he obviously was all right, I've seen him myself._

He came to a halt.

_Then again..._

He turned around and set off towards the infirmary. He could just as well ask Madam Pomfrey - at least that would spare him having to go back into the staff room where he had two people with a lot of questions waiting for him.

The door to the infirmary was closed and it was completely quiet around him so instead of knocking he rather opened it a little to take a look inside. Madam Pomfrey - keeping an always watchful eye on her realm - immediately spotted the intruder, jumped up from her chair and strode towards the door.

Do you know what time it is? She whispered tauntingly.

_Why do people keep asking me that?_

I only came here to ask if the boy is all right. Severus replied, looking over the mediwitch's shoulder and catching a glance at the only bed that was occupied that night.

Mr. Coffey will have recovered soon. He had a broken arm, two broken ribs and some bruises, everything was taken care of. But at the moment he's sleeping so I have to ask you to leave now.

_Are you just kicking me out although I didn't even dare to enter the room?_

That's exactly what I was planning to do. Just as he was about to turn away he saw a movement as Damian sat up in his bed.

Professor Snape? The boy asked, not having to raise his voice to break the silence. Could I speak to you?

Severus suddenly felt very uneasy and the reproachful 'congratulations-now-you-woke-him' - look Madam Pomfrey gave him made him wish he wouldn't have come here in the first place.

Just for a minute. The mediwitch said and stepped aside to allow him to enter.

Slowly he walked across the room, stood next to the boy's bed with his arms folded and looked down at him with a most indifferent expression. 

Actually I just wanted to thank you. The boy said, looking up at him.

Severus really couldn't think of anything to say. He simply nodded. He could barely remember that anyone had ever thanked him for something and he truly had no idea how to handle it.

Professor Dumbledore said they will have to alter my memory because nobody must know what I know about you now. Damian continued. That's why I wanted to tell you now, before everything will be back to... normal.

Severus looked at him out of narrowed eyes. What were you doing out of your dormitory in the middle of the night in the first place?

Damian lowered his gaze, obviously trying to come up with a good excuse. I had some sort of an appointment. He muttered.

What sort of an appointment could an eleven year old have past midnight?

I was challenged to a duel. Damian explained. I had an argument with another student and we thought that would be the best way to settle it...

_A duel between first years? What could average first years be casting at each other? Alohomora spells? Well, maybe they already learned the Petrificus Totalus, that would at least have ended whatever they'd call a duel pretty soon..._ Severus stifled a laugh. _Pure bad luck for you then to stumble into their little trap it seems._

I assume you're not going to reveal the name of your opponent?

That would be pretty dishonourable, wouldn't it, Sir?

Yes, indeed... Severus muttered. _What a Gryffindor. If you'd care for my advice I'd tell you to simply refuse the next time you're challenged. _May I ask you something else?

Of course. The boy replied, sounding pretty surprised.

Why did you stop struggling against me down in that dungeon? _Giving up so easily wasn't quite what I had expected from a Gryffindor._

Because I recognised you.

Severus raised an eyebrow. He had never faced the boy nor had he spoken a word to him in that dungeon. _And even if he had recognised me, how could he have known I was not one of them?_

Damian smiled upon actually seeing his teacher surprised. Your cufflinks. Silver, with snakes on them. You were wearing those in my first potions lesson too.

Severus nodded. You're very perceptive. That's a precious and rare gift.

Thank you. Damian said softly.

Madam Pomfrey had been standing only a few steps away from them all the time and now cleared her throat in order to remind Severus that he actually wasn't too welcome here at this time of night.

_Yes, I'm already gone..._ Without saying anything else to either Damian or Madam Pomfrey he turned away and strode out of the room.

***************

***************

AN: Pretty long chapter, thank you for reading, I hope you liked it. Next chapter: Voldemort and what he thinks about the whole issue.

N Snape: Thank you! Unfortunately there wasn't a lot for McGonagall to do here, I actually like teaming them up ;) I'm glad you liked it!

shadowycat: Thank you! I'm glad you liked it! You're probably right about Malfoy ;) Regarding the wands, yes, probably a good thing he didn't have to do anything too complicated with it (apparating is supposed to be pretty difficult but I believe Severus should be quite good at it, apparating to gatherings...). I also think Snape and McGonagall are quite different people but might have more in common than it seems at first sight.

Ronnie: Thank you! I'm happy to hear you still enjoy the story, I hope you liked this chapter too.

zippy zany: Thank you! It's great to hear you still like it. Or love it, which sounds even better to me :)


	17. Walk Through The Fire

Walk Through The Fire

Severus didn't sleep much that night although he felt pretty exhausted. He tried to but he was convinced the Dark Lord would summon them all again as soon as he learned about the boy's escape and that thought kept him wide awake. The sun would rise soon and he was still lying in his bed, his eyes closed but his mind focused on going through everything that had happened last night again and again, step by step, examining each of his actions in search of a mistake, anything that might possibly have left evidence to give him away as what he really was - a traitor. Yes, he really had made his decision now, for the first time he had truly betrayed Voldemort. He hadn't only concealed something from him or given a few names to Dumbledore, this time he had actively acted against him and screwed up his whole plan. Now for anyone claiming they joined the Dark Lord in search of adventures, he could definitely have told them that one was in for twice the 'fun' as a spy.

  


Voldemort summoned him half an hour into his first lesson. Severus was standing in front of his second year Ravenclaws and Gryffindors and silently cursed the Dark Lord for his incredibly inconvenient timing while wondering if it was a good idea to leave a bunch of twelve year olds and their simmering potions without supervision. He quickly came to the conclusion that it wasn't. Still he couldn't simply ignore his master either because that would mean he would be down on his knees and writhing in pain in front of his whole class in a few minutes - he had tried that exactly once before and it wasn't something he wanted to repeat. He searched the rows for a student he at least didn't regard as completely unreliable and incompetent and had to admit that one of the Gryffindor twin girls was probably his best choice. Since he never knew how to distinguish one from the other anyway and being pretty sure it wouldn't be too easy to keep the students from accidentally blowing up the classroom - and themselves - he decided that giving the responsibility to both of them together sounded like a brilliant idea.

„Miss Hardcastle." He said while slowly walking over to the second row where the two girls were seated, quickly adding a „Both of you." when they looked up at him with that annoying which-one-of-us-look. „Keep an eye on the class for a few minutes." They both nodded, looking a little surprised though, and Severus continued on his way to the door. Once he had reached it he turned around once again and saw all eyes on him. Well, at least he had their attention. „And nobody" He said, raising his voice a little, just enough for everyone to hear him. „will do anything - I repeat _anything_ at all - while I'm not here. That includes adding anything to your potion, touching your cauldron, getting up from your seats or opening your mouth." He was pretty sure he had made himself clear with that, whirled around and set off along the corridor, leaving the classroom door open.

Walking up the stairs to the ground floor he realised that unfortunately the first classroom he would come across was Defense Against the Dark Arts where he would find the person he disliked most in the whole school. Nonetheless he took a deep breath, knocked on the door and opened it a little. Saburac stopped writing on the board and turned around to find out who was disturbing his lesson.

„Do you have a minute?" Severus asked.

„Write that down." Saburac said to his class, gestured at the board behind him and strode towards the door. „So?" He asked as soon as he had stepped out onto the corridor.

„Would you please keep an eye on my second years." Severus said in a low voice. Saburac's expression darkened and he gave him a scrutinizing look, immediately understanding what this was about.

„I'll take care of that."

Severus nodded and set off along the corridor without another word.

  


He apparated at the foot of the hill a few minutes later and immediately was hit by a strong feeling of fear and anxiety. The air seemed to be heavy with magic and impending danger. Severus swallowed hard and turned his head when another man apparated only a few steps away from him. He too seemed to feel it, glancing around and then looking up at the ruins on top of the small hill.

„Someone's in a really bad mood it seems." He muttered with a very evident Irish accent.

Severus frowned and looked up at the dark clouds hovering above the old ruins - it was never a good sign to be called to his master's fortress. Nim really had nerves of steel, blaming this scenario simply on a 'bad mood' of the Dark Lord. To him it looked more like Ragnarok, Armageddon or whatever one might prefer to call it. „I suppose you've heard?" Severus asked in a low voice, searching for a good reason to remain standing there just for a moment longer before walking up the hill.

„I did, I did..." Nim muttered. „I suppose Malfoy's in for quite something." With that he started walking up the hill, coming to a halt after a few steps and turning back to Severus again. „I've seen worse, come on." He said.

Severus took a deep breath, decided to believe him and followed him up the hill. Nim had been one of Voldemort's followers for quite a few years longer than himself, so he should know. But on the other hand, Nim probably didn't have much to worry about. He was not the one who had built up a fragile construction of lies and secrets all around him, just anxiously waiting for everything to crumble down on him. _Oh, what a tangled web we weave..._

They entered the castle through a small side entrance and made their way down the stone stairs leading to the vast labyrinth of dungeons that had been lying hidden beneath the earth for centuries already, long forgotten by all the muggles who usually only saw the ruins from far away when driving along one of their roads. It was awkwardly quiet down down there, no sound could be heard, but Severus could almost feel the presence of the other wizards. And he was proven right as soon as they entered the large underground hall. They were all standing next to each other on one side of the vault, dressed in black and staring to the ground, looking almost like chessmen waiting for the game to begin. In front of them there stood only a single man, motionless, looking away from them at the wall, his arms behind his back. One single man and yet each of them would kneel to him. Severus joined his fellow Death Eaters, dearly hoping that he was not the one the Dark Lord had been waiting for to arrive. He stared down, examining his boots and wondering if any other person on this planet might spend that much time with looking at their own shoes.

„Lucius." Voldemort's icy voice echoed through the vault. „Step forward."

Lucius Malfoy slowly took two steps forward, obviously only reluctantly leaving the false security standing amidst his fellow Death Eaters had offered to him. He didn't wait for his master to tell him but immediately fell to his knees in front of him.

„Forgive me, my Lord." Lucius whispered.

Voldemort glared down at him out of narrowed eyes. „Don't dare to speak up unless I tell you to, you worthless scum." He hissed, barely audible. Lucius closed his eyes, preparing to be hit by a curse, but to his surprise, nothing happened. „Explain." The Dark Lord whispered.

„It wasn't my fault..." Malfoy started in a low voice. With one swift movement Voldemort raised his wand, pointed it at the opposite wall and red lightning shot towards the corner of the hall, hit it and made small pieces of stone crumble to the ground. Lucius flinched.

„I don't know how..." He made another approach and this time the curse didn't hit a wall but the man himself, sending him a few feet across the ground. Malfoy struggled to get up again and crawled back to kneel in front of his master. For a split second Severus felt pity for him.

„I failed, my Lord." Lucius whispered. „I didn't protect the dungeon well enough, I shouldn't have left Kato alone there to guard it."

_Of course. That's so typical for you, if you go down you at least have to take someone else with you._

Voldemort waved his wand and a second later Lucius Malfoy found himself at the other side of the hall with his hands chained to the wall above his head. Everyone held their breath as their master's gaze was travelling over them, searching for his other suspects.

„Kato, Severus, Nim."

_Why is it always me?_

The three men he had named stepped forward. Severus could see Kato to his left immediately kneeling down, Nim to his right kept standing up with his head bowed which left him quite undecided about what would be the wiser thing to do now. Kneeling down could very well be seen as admitting that he considered himself to blame for something so he rather kept standing up as well. Voldemort didn't seem to care much and simply waved his wand again to line them up in a row with Malfoy, chaining them to the wall next to him. He wouldn't have had to do that, none of them, not even all four of them together, could have been a danger to the Dark Lord - he simply appreciated the humiliating effect and the affirmation of the absolute power he had over them.

_Now this is really going well. Chained to a wall, how much worse can it get?_

Voldemort slowly walked towards them and started pacing up and down in front of them.

_It can get worse. I know that. Dear fate, in case you can read my thoughts, I didn't mean to challenge you._

„Now each of you should have something very interesting to tell me about this matter." The Dark Lord whispered. „Nim?"

Nim Starkey seemed to be the only one among them not worried about dying a most painful death within the next five minutes. „The Ministry hasn't been informed about the disappearance of the kid." He replied in a steady voice. „Dumbledore has kept it secret, even from the Minister, they can't have anything to do with it."

Voldemort turned away from him and following a mere thought of this powerful wizard the chains around Nim's wrists disappeared, allowing him to return to the others as nothing more than a spectator of whatever was going to happen next.

„Severus." Voldemort spoke in a low voice, stretching the last letter of his name to a long hissing sound. He came to a halt right in front of him, whirled around to face him and Severus immediately lowered his gaze to the ground. For a few seconds an uncomfortable silence reigned, leaving everyone barely daring to breathe and Severus wondering if he should dare to speak without being told to. „So?" The Dark Lord finally asked, twirling his wand in his fingers.

Severus had expected a more exact question, but this definitely _was_ a question so he would have to think of a good answer now. „The boy showed up in front of the gates completely unexpected, nobody knows how he returned." He said after allowing himself a moment to think about what to reply.

It didn't seem to have been the answer Voldemort had wanted to hear. He raised his arm, waved his wand towards his defenceless victim and a bright red globular lightning hit Severus in his chest. Under normal circumstances a spell like that should have thrown him a few feet through the air but standing with his back to the wall it hit him with all its force. He groaned and could have sworn he couldn't only feel one of his ribs crack but actually hear it.

„Dumbledore knows how. He is responsible for this." Voldemort hissed. „Isn't it so, Severus?"

„Yes, my Lord." He replied in a low voice. „He has to be the one responsible."

„How. How did he do it..." Voldemort whispered, more to himself.

„He didn't tell me, he didn't tell me anything about it at all." Severus said quickly, hoping he was expected to speak.

„Oh, didn't he?" Voldemort asked in a mocking tone. „Why not? Does he see through you? Does he know how weak you are, that he can't trust you, that you'll always come crawling back to me? That you _need_ me?"

_Like a hole in the head. _„No, my Lord, he trusts me."

„What a fool he is..." Voldemort muttered and slowly walked away from him. Just when Severus considered feeling safe again, the Dark Lord turned back to him. „Now _why_ does he trust you, Severus?" He asked. „How did you make him trust you, what did you offer him?"

„Nothing." Severus muttered and shook his head - this was a subject he had hoped would not come up again.

„What good is a spy that doesn't bring him information?" Voldemort inquired.

„I told him lies, my Lord."

The Dark Lord raised his wand and the moment the chains around his wrists disappeared Severus felt himself being lifted up into the air and could already guess what was to come next. Voldemort was playing with him, just like a kid playing with a ragdoll, and Severus knew he could throw his body down to the ground forcefully enough to kill him with just a tiny movement of his hand. Instead the Dark Lord settled for making him hit the wall and drop down to the ground after that. Everything around him went black and his eyes fell closed but only a moment later he was drawn back to consciousness by his master's voice.

„And doesn't he ever wonder why none of this information you give to him turns out to be truth?" Voldemort continued with his questioning as if nothing at all had happened.

Severus was lying motionless on the ground, breathing in the dust his own fall had created there. „No." He whispered.

„So he thinks you simply failed, again and again?" Voldemort asked. „You're useless to him then, why doesn't he get rid of you?"

„Because he thinks he knows me, because he believes in me. He's a fool, my Lord, nothing more." Severus muttered, blinking the dust from his eyes and slowly beginning to get up from the ground again.

„Yes." Voldemort said softly. „Yes, he is." Having said this he turned away from him to walk over to his last two suspects, without warning cast a Cruciatus curse at Kato and kept it up while beginning to speak to Lucius.

Severus couldn't hear what they were saying, Kato's screams were a lot louder and he anyway was busy with getting up again and walking back to the other wall without tripping over his own feet. His vision was a little blurry but he blamed that on the dust in his eyes and to his surprise the broken rib didn't even hurt. What _did_ hurt though was his head after having encountered the stone wall in quite an unfortunate way. It was a dull, throbbing pain and Kato's screaming didn't really help either. Severus closed his eyes, concentrated on shutting out every sound around him and tried to breathe deep and steady.

Their questioning didn't take long, at least it didn't seem long to him. As he had expected, Kato paid worst, but this time Lucius didn't walk out without a scratch either. Once he was finished with them, Voldemort obviously had had enough of dealing with his army of failures, released them from their chains, sent Lucius und Kato back to where they had come from and then disapparated himself. Which was something Severus was quite glad about because together with the Dark Lord the anti-apparition borders had disappeared as well and at least now he wouldn't have to walk all the way down the hill again. He didn't feel very good.

  


As soon as he apparated on the edge of the forest he immediately felt much better. It was still a cold winter's day but here it was a lot warmer than around Voldemort's fortress. And safer. He looked up to the school, doubted that it was already lunchtime and cursed himself for never having a watch with him. He definitely didn't want to run into any students on his way back and decided to rather wait a little before walking up to the castle.

  


About half an hour later, when everyone else was sitting in the Great Hall for lunch, he entered the school through a side entrance and made his way up to the infirmary. He didn't really want to go there but he had never been any good at curing broken bones and it wouldn't take longer than a few minutes anyway, he hoped.

Madam Pomfrey greeted him with a scrutinizing look and gestured towards the beds in the back ward, far away from Damian who was lying in his bed and sleeping, looking a lot better than the night before already. „You sit down back there. I'll be with you in a moment."

Severus did as he was told without discussing and the mediwitch returned to him only a minute later. „How can I help you?" She asked, sounding warm and friendly but also quite a lot like a reproachful 'what did you get yourself into again this time'. It had to be pretty obvious he wasn't feeling too good.

„Broken rib." He replied. „I suppose."

„Take off your cloak and shirt please and I will take a look at that."

Only reluctantly he followed her orders, she told him to lie down and put a hand on his chest to find the broken rib. It didn't take her long to take care of it, a quick healing spell was all that was needed.

„That will have healed by tomorrow morning, I'll just get you something for the pain." She said and walked over to the cupboard at the wall to return just a second later, carrying a bottle filled with a blue potion. She put it down on the small table next to the bed and watched her patient as he slowly sat up again. „Anything else?" She asked.

„Just a little headache." Severus muttered.

She raised an eyebrow. „A headache? What caused that?"

„The back of my head making contact with a stationary object." He sneered and reached out for his shirt.

„I didn't allow you to leave yet, this could be something serious."

Severus sighed. „It's just a headache." He replied, regretting he had even mentioned it.

„There is or has been nothing else? " She asked.

„No."

„Dizziness?"

„No."

„Blurry vision?"

„No."

„Did you feel sick?"

„I simply don't feel very well altogether at the moment, I'm sure none of that is to blame on my headache."

„Have you been unconscious?"

„No."

„Are you sure? Maybe only for a short time?"

„I don't know, maybe for a few seconds, I can't remember. Can I leave now?"

Madam Pomfrey smiled at him, triumphantly. „No." She said. „To me this sounds like a possible concussion of the brain so you will stay in bed at least until tomorrow morning."

„Oh please..." Severus couldn't even start arguing with her before she silenced him with a look that made clear that there was no discussing about this. He could hear the door to the infirmary being opened and falling closed again and only a moment later Professor McGonagall showed up next to Madam Pomfrey.

„Why don't you just put up a notice on the blackboard the next time I walk in here with a little scratch?" Severus muttered to the mediwitch upon seeing his first visitor.

„I will consider that." She replied. „You will stay in bed until tomorrow morning and if you don't do so voluntarily I will make sure you don't have a choice, did I make myself clear?"

„Yes." He hissed and scowled at her. Pomfrey just smiled at him, turned away and left him alone with McGonagall.

„Are you feeling all right?" McGonagall asked, looking down at him while trying not to stare at the deep scars on his chest and shoulders.

„Perfectly fine, aside from the fact that I'm not allowed to leave this room." Severus muttered and put his shirt back on, making sure not to allow McGonagall to catch a glance at the Dark Mark on his arm.

„Some rest will do you good."

„I don't need any rest." He replied defiantly.

McGonagall sat down in the armchair next to his bed. „Very well then. So I assume now you should finally have the time to tell me a little more about what happened last night. I'm most curious to hear about it."

He sighed inaudibly - maybe he should rather have decided on getting some rest after all.

„Severus, we truly appreciate what you did." McGonagall said softly. „We know you took great risks."

_We? Who would that be? _„Yes." He muttered quickly. „So what was it you were so interested to learn about?"

„Let's start with one simple question: why exactly my wand?"

„Did you already check what I used it for or is that the actual issue here?"

„That would be my next question."

„A memory spell and a distraction charm. And one to break the lock on the dungeon door." _And a few Unforgivables, had to kill some people on my way. Well, an Imperius might really have come in handy. But I probably wouldn't have mastered it with that wand anyway. _„I figured your wand would work pretty well because, as you might remember, I already used it to successfully transfigure a rat into a teapot and back again in my third year."

„A hamster."

„Yes. Some furry little critter." Severus muttered before he started to tell her the whole story.

  


  


**************

**************

AN: Thank you to everyone for reading, I hope you liked it! And if you have the time, please review, it means a lot to me :)

N Snape: Thank you! Maybe not a 100% perfect plan but perfect enough ;) I hope you also liked this chapter!

shadowycat: Thank you! Yes, I suppose he will still have to learn a few things about being a spy ;) But for a first attempt it went quite well, better than for Lucius and Kato at least... I'm so glad you like it :)

risi: Thank you! Lol @ the water kettles, I know what you're talking about ;) But I'm sure Severus learned from it. I hope you liked this chapter too.

Anna Mette: Thank you! Blasphemy, yes, but oh so flattering ;) I think Snape still has a few little doubts about himself, I'll bring that up again in a later chapter. I'm really surprised you noticed that about chapter 11, I didn't expect anyone would... very perceptive! ;) I hope you keep enjoying the story!


	18. Christmas Spirit

Christmas Spirit

None of the students dared to look up from their cauldrons when they heard the faint knock on the classroom door. Severus took out his wand, waved it at the door and it swung open. He had made a habit out of locking the door the second his lesson started so that any latecomers would have to knock and wait to be allowed inside. And he was convinced it worked.

Six and a half minutes, Miss Griffiths. He said softly while the dark haired girl walked up to her place, keeping her head lowered to avoid having to look at him. Do you have an explanation for this?

No, Sir. She whispered and sat down in her chair.

Very well. Severus said and wrote her name down onto his by now already infamous detention list. That would be tonight at nine then. He didn't often hand out detentions to Slytherins and he had barely ever taken points from this house - not only because it used to be and in some way forever would be his own house, but also because he knew things were hard enough for them anyway. It wasn't always fun to be a Slytherin.

Yes, Sir. The girl said.

Severus smiled to himself: yes, everything was back to normal. Damian Coffey couldn't remember a thing about how he had escaped from his prison, every student hated him and he also felt as if he finally was his usual nasty self again. Or maybe a little nastier than usually - Christmas always caused him to become even more unbearable, at least that's what he had been told. And the winter holidays as well as Christmas itself were only a few days away now.

He took his eyes off his students for a moment and looked over at the shelf to check if there still was enough of that chopped toadstool left for the 5th years' last lesson before the holidays - he would need at least three jars. Out of the corner of his eye he saw a movement on the Gryffindor side of the classroom, immediately turned back around, raised his arm, muttered _Accio note!_ and a second later he was holding a small folded piece of paper in his hand. All his students had looked up from their cauldrons and were watching him now, most of the Slytherins smiling, most of the Gryffindors in anxious anticipation. Everyone had stopped working and it was completely silent while Severus slowly unfolded the note. His lips formed a sneer when he read what had been written down on it in black ink and a clear handwriting.

How nice. Severus said softly. Mr. Jarvis? He asked in a silky voice, looking up into the classroom again. Is this yours?

Benedict Jarvis blushed and suppressed the urge to just jump up and grab that note his teacher was waving around in the air from his hand. He replied quickly. There wasn't any use in lying, he had signed it with his name after all...

Five points from Gryffindor. And since the note unfortunately didn't reach its designated recipient, I feel obliged to make sure Miss Sinclair will be informed about its contents nonetheless.

Benedict burst out and jumped up from his chair, afraid to know very well what Snape had in mind.

Sit down. Severus growled and glared at the blond boy. Benedict sank down into his chair again. Another five points from Gryffindor for that, Mr. Jarvis. Severus added and turned to the girl sitting in the first row. Miss Sinclair, your classmate would like to inform you... He looked down at the note again. ...that he would make sure to be allowed to spend the winter holidays at the school if you...

You can't do that! Benedict interrupted him and jumped up again. Haven't you ever heard about privacy of correspondence!

Five points from Gryffindor, Mr. Jarvis. Severus said calmly. And I'd advise you to hold your tongue now unless you should want to be held responsible for Gryffindor to lose the house cup.

The boy sitting next to Benedict grabbed him by his sleeve and pulled him back onto his chair. Don't, we don't stand a chance. He whispered. Benedict gave up, buried his face in his hands and listened to Snape reading his note to the whole class, of course not leaving out the part about how much he would miss Deliah if he would have to spend the holidays at home and that he wouldn't be able to enjoy Christmas at all if she wasn't there. Benedict had never before in his life hated anyone so much.

  


Severus didn't attend dinner. It was something his colleagues had gotten used to by now and he didn't have to worry about being asked to explain his absence anymore. Actually it was for no particular reason, he simply couldn't stand to have so many people around him all the time, he had always been a loner. He was a little surprised when he looked up and saw McGonagall standing in the door to his classroom.

I thought I might find you here. She said and started walking towards him.

He put down his quill, leaned back in his chair and looked up at her, waiting for her to tell him the reason why she might have thought about where to find him at all. Probably some of her Gryffindors had come whining to her about him once again.

I spoke to Sascha earlier on... McGonagall continued.

_Oh, have you? I actually managed to avoid his annoying personality for three days in a row now._

...and he told me you're going to let Lea Griffiths serve a detention tonight for being late.

_Yes? So?_

McGonagall began to feel a little annoyed about being the only one talking here and decided to try a more direct question. Do you really think that was necessary?

He replied curtly. He remembered having been detained a hundred times for being late so he didn't see a reason why it suddenly shouldn't be necessary anymore. And who is that Auror to complain about that anyway, he doesn't give a damn about these kids, all he cares about is to make them trust him so he has an easier time spying on them.

This has nothing to do with him now. As you may or may not know, Lea Griffiths only came to Hogwarts this year after her family moved here from Australia. McGonagall said, not surprised at seeing him not at all interested in what she was telling him. It's not easy for her, especially after having been sorted into Slytherin where - as you of course know - students with one muggle parent are neither very common nor very welcome. She might need some support now.

Severus hadn't known she wasn't a pureblood - he had never thought about it either, he had simply assumed she was. And while he had noticed that she didn't seem to have any friends and that the other kids in her year were usually only teasing her if they ever cared to acknowledge her presence at all, he had never thought about a reason for that. He waited for a second to make sure that had been all McGonagall had wanted to tell him before he replied. I'm not a psychologist, I'm not her head of house, I'm not even really a teacher. And I don't like children. This is not in my field of duties.

But do you think you could at least refrain from detaining her every single time for something as meaningless as being a few minutes late in class or not completing one of your thirty pages essays in time? McGonagall asked, glancing down at the pile of paper on his desk.

Are you criticizing my way of teaching now?

I would never dare to. All I'm saying, all I'm _asking_ you to do is not to make that girl's life unnecessarily harder than it already is.

You mustn't let personal issues influence your professional life. I won't let her get away with everything just because she's not having the time of her life here at the moment.

I'm afraid a fourteen year old girl might not have the same way of pragmatic thinking you call your own.

That's what life is like. Severus muttered and went back to the essay he had been reading before he had been interrupted.

She's still a child.

The sooner you learn, the better.

And it's Christmas after all. She made a last attempt to change his mind.

Another sugary sweet holiday I didn't invent.

McGonagall sighed. Fine. It seems to be futile to discuss this with you any longer. Please just, _maybe, _consider thinking about it.

He didn't reply anything, he didn't even look up because he was convinced he had already made himself clear. McGonagall shook her head at him, strode out of the room again and in the doorway nearly tripped over a silvery gray cat on its way back to its owner.

Severus didn't notice the cat before it jumped onto his desk to sit right in front of him and watch him grading the essay, its bright blue eyes following every move of his quill. After sitting motionless for a few minutes the cat slowly raised one of its paws, lashed out for the quill and dug its claws into the feather.

Stop it. Severus whispered without looking up and the cat withdrew its paw again, its eyes never leaving the prey though. Only a few seconds later the cat made another try, followed by a Stop it. sounding slightly more annoyed already. Just as Severus started to write his final comment below the essay, the cat jumped forward, biting into the quill, both its paws landing on his hand.

Stop doing that, I said. Severus hissed, looked up and glared at his cat, leaving it utterly unimpressed as it continued to chew on the quill.

Upon hearing someone knocking on the open door he turned his head, saw Lea Griffiths standing in the doorway, left the quill to the cat and got up from his chair.

I'm surprised, you're actually on time. He said as he strode across the classroom towards the girl and added a curt Follow me. while stepping out onto the corridor.

He had handed out quite a lot of detentions lately and couldn't really think of anything to let the students do anymore but luckily Madam Pince still had a whole library where barely any student ever cared to put the books they had read back into place. Once the library was done he would probably have to make the kids write essays or copy pages out of their books which in his opinion wasn't half as useful to the rest of the world - and aside from that, he would also have to read all that crap.

  


Dense layers of clouds illuminated by an invisible moon covered up the stars and made the sky too light for a cold winter's night like this. Every now and then a few small snowflakes had started to fall, had been caught by the wind and melted away as soon as they had touched the glass of the large library window. For almost an hour now Severus had been standing next to that window with his arms folded, leaning against the wall and silently watching the girl resorting and dusting off books, just as he had told her to. She was following each of his orders and didn't complain once - well, no student would dare to openly complain to him, but their looks and their expressions always told him what they thought. Not that girl, though.

You have been late for class on a more or less regular basis for the last four weeks. The girl winced when his voice suddenly broke the silence. Why were you late today?

I don't know, Sir. She quickly replied without taking her eyes off her work.

I'm not asking you for a good excuse, I'm simply asking you for the cause. And unless you're suffering from a partial amnesia you should be able to answer my question.

I... I couldn't make it in time. Lea whispered.

Why not? Severus inquired.

The girl put the book she had been holding down onto the table and stood motionless, obviously contemplating what to say or rather if she should say anything at all. I can't tell. She muttered under her breath.

Severus sighed inaudibly. Usually he was good at making people talk but he had never really had a way with children.

So where were you at the time you were supposed to be in the classroom? He asked.

In the storage room on the ground floor. Lea replied quickly and put another book back into the shelf.

For a particular reason?

Some of the others had locked me in there. She muttered.

Who and what for? Severus asked, sounding more matter-of-fact by now, waiting for some new names to fill his detention list.

The girl shook her head. They don't really like me, they say I don't belong in Slytherin.

He knew McGonagall had been right about what she had said but still he hadn't expected the Slytherins to turn against one of their own in such a way. In his time as a student there had always been a hierarchy in Slytherin house and there had always been certain kids being bullied by others but it had usually remained an internal affair.

If the Sorting Hat put you there, it's where you belong. He said, unable to think of some kind of advice to give to that kid and wondering what had made him talk to her in the first place.

You wouldn't say that if you knew what it's like to be in Slytherin. Lea muttered, examining the black leather cover of the book she was holding in her hands and glancing around the shelves.

Actually I happen to know very well. Severus said, made two steps towards her, took the book from her hands and put it back in its place on top of the shelf on the opposite wall - it would probably have taken the girl ages to figure out where it belonged and she wouldn't have been able to reach up there anyway. At least that's how he explained his behaviour to himself.

So it's not true that everyone from that house ends up as a criminal. Lea said and smiled at him.

No, not everyone. He replied. _Well, I did. But not everyone. _This thought suddenly reminded him that he should have left the castle about half an hour ago already to meet with Malfoy and some other 'friends' of his. It's late, you should go back to your common room now.

  


**********

**********

AN: Thank you to all my readers. It's so hard to write about snow when it's so hot outside... ;)

shadowycat: Thank you! I reckoned... hm, I don't cling to that, tell me what he would say and I'll change it (I'm often not too good at choosing the right words, I have only one of the books in English, that might be why). I'm glad you liked it :) I'll try to update more often now because I know pretty much what I still want to say in this story and I'd like to finish it before book 5 comes out...

n snape: Thank you! Glad you liked it :) I'll probably be posting quite a lot now, but go ahead, keep begging, just because I like to hear it ;)

pacific-trinity: Thank you! It's great to hear you like this although it's not your type of story really. I hope you'll keep enjoying it!

Sarah: Thank you! I'm glad you liked it and I hope you'll keep reading!


	19. Of A Demon In My View

Of A Demon In My View

Going out and drinking with them had never been very amusing - he didn't even enjoy their company too much when they were sober and none of them really changed for the better once they had had a few drinks. Still it was a social liability he couldn't afford not to take part in. By the time he arrived in the old pub in central London luckily everyone else was at least already drunk enough not to bother asking him why he was late and as soon as he had taken his seat - next to Lucius, as usual, they were old friends after all - someone right away placed a glass of Gin in front of him. He took a sip and and studied the man next to him - Malfoy seemed to have recovered surprisingly quickly from his encounter with the Dark Lord a few days ago.

Nobody noticed that he didn't actually drink much. He was pretty convinced that Dumbledore wouldn't be too delighted to hear he spent his nights lying around dead drunk in the streets of London but even more than that, he didn't really trust himself enough to be sure what he might or might not do in such a condition.

It was way past midnight already before someone came up with the brilliant idea of the night. That's where it always lead, he hadn't expected anything else. At least they weren't out to kill - just to have some _fun_ with the muggles.

Lucius stood up first and dragged Severus along with him, the others following right away although some of them obviously would rather have stayed inside the warm and comfortable pub to have a few more drinks. A young woman standing behind the counter was watching them curiously as they walked past her but as soon as Severus looked back at her, deep into her eyes, she quickly turned away. He had often been teased by other kids because of his black eyes and even his family had always been a little suspicious about it for none of his relatives had eyes like his but he had learned how to use them on his behalf.

Severus stopped at the door to let the others walk past him and looked back at the counter. The young woman only looked up again when the last of them, Colin Leigh, was about to walk past her. Colin was a wolf in lamb's skin - he was cold, cruel and merciless but at the same time he had that charming smile and the most truthful bright blue eyes. And that was probably why she dared to speak to him - a mistake people frequently made.

Sir? Your bill... it would be nine galleons and twelve sickles. She said softly and the whole pub seemed to immediately go quiet. Severus rolled his eyes. That girl had to be new around here - they never had to pay, everyone knew that. While Colin still stared at her and contemplated how to react, Severus strode towards him and put a hand on his shoulder.

You're all right there. He said to the young woman behind the counter and sneered at her, at the same time trying to pull Colin away from there. Don't waste your time. He whispered and the other man nodded slowly.

Colin growled and reluctantly started to follow him towards the door.

Before the woman could say anything else, the bartender, a big man in his late fifties, grabbed her arm and dragged her a few steps away to shut her up and to explain some important business practices to her.

  


It was the first time for him to be out on the streets with them while he could still walk straight and it shocked him that only now he realised that what they had in mind actually was anything but some harmless fun. It was cruel, nothing else. And once again he was going to be a part of it. He had tried to talk them out of it but they hadn't listened and although he would rather just have let them go on their own he now felt as if it was his duty to stay, maybe like this he could at least make sure none of those muggles would accidentally get killed.

It was really cold out here, an icy breeze was racing through the city and tiny snowflakes were falling. There weren't too many people around anymore, most of the muggles were probably already sleeping in their beds or at least stayed somewhere inside where it was warmer - it would take them a while to get a chance to cause some mayhem. Severus was walking some steps behind the others, next to Lucius, slowing down a little to create some space for a private talk.

You're looking good. He said eventually. 

Lucius growled. He knew pretty well that this hadn't been all and that Voldemort wouldn't forget his failure and would make sure he would neither.

Come on, Lucius, we're not going to find anything out here. Severus said in a low voice. It's too cold to wander around much longer, we all could think of some better things to do. He knew that he only had to convince Lucius, everyone else would listen to him. Malfoy had a lot of influence on them, despite his age - power was inheritable in these circles.

Don't be such a lazy old killjoy. Lucius replied with a sleepy grin. Everyone looking at him or hearing him talk could easily tell he had had a few drinks too much. Talking like an old man, you are, rather sitting around in front of the fireplace than going out and having some fun, eh? He asked and put an arm around his shoulders.

Severus sighed inaudibly and gave up - there obviously was no way to stop them from doing whatever they wanted to do. And even if he could have, it would have been meaningless. If they wouldn't go and torture some muggles today, they would do it next week and if these men wouldn't do it, someone else would. At this very moment it finally dawned on him for the first time that he might be fighting a fight he could not win.

Look at that... Lucius muttered. I knew we'd find some of those, some useless spoilt muggle teenagers... Colin! Over there! He called out to the man walking in front of him and gestured towards a small group of people in front of a pub.

Eight Death Eaters against four unsuspecting muggles - not a fair fight. Before one of those teenagers could even guess what was going on they were hit by the first curses. One of them, a guy wearing a black leather jacket and jeans, maybe eighteen or nineteen years old, was lifted high up into the air, helplessly waving his arms and legs while staring down at the ground in horror as it was moving further and further away from him. Malfoy drew his wand, pointed it at the young woman and sent a curse at her that made her drop to her knees and cry out loud. Severus stood and watched as spell after spell hit the terrified muggles. He held his wand in his hand, hoping they wouldn't go too far, hoping he wouldn't be forced to intervene.

_Your full loyalty or nothing at all._

The words Dumbledore had said to him were echoing through his head now, louder than anything else. He had no idea what the headmaster expected him to do in order to prove his full loyalty to him. He just hoped making sure those muggles would live through this would be enough - and well, there was nothing else he could do really. 

Suddenly he could see movement in the darkness, people coming towards them. The others hadn't even noticed them yet but Severus slowly took a step backwards. Aurors, five of them. Now this actually could be a fair fight for Aurors were usually more talented and better trained than the average Death Eater - but Death Eaters didn't like fair fights at all.

The Aurors aimed their first curses at Colin who managed to dodge them before deciding to rather take flight. Since he had been the one to keep the teenager floating high up in the air two of the Aurors now had to send out spells to catch the muggle and keep his body from hitting the concrete. That was all the time Colin needed to disapparate.

More curses were echoing through the darkness and when Severus was hit by one of them he only felt the faint tingling of magic running through his body. An anti-apparition spell. It took him a second to recognise it, he had been hit by one before, exactly once, and that had gotten him into Azkaban. There was no way he was going to go back there - at least this time he knew what he was dealing with.

One Death Eater was down on the ground already, bound by magical ropes, while two others disapparated right in front of the Aurors' eyes. One of those was Lucius Malfoy - of course, he always found a way for himself out of everything. The Ministry wizards didn't care much about it, they rather concentrated on those still there.

Severus blocked a disarming spell and was pleased to see the Auror that had attacked him being hit by a curse and thrown backwards against a glass window. He nodded his thanks to Nim before whirling around to face another Auror that had been approaching him, raising his wand. Something deep inside of him was telling him it wasn't the right thing to do but he couldn't just stand there and do nothing at all because like that he would risk being killed or sent back to Azkaban - he couldn't quite decide which one would be worse.

Drop the wand! The man standing motionless in front of him barked, holding his own wand in his raised hand, pointing it at his opponent.

Severus was a little surprised upon seeing _him_ here. Of course, he had known Saburac was an Auror, but still he hadn't expected to have to face him in a fight. 

No way. He replied calmly. Saburac didn't trust him, he had made that quite clear when he had accused him of having been involved in the kidnapping of that student. And he didn't like him at all. Severus had no doubt he would love to find a reason to send him back to Azkaban.

Trust me, damn it! Drop that wand!

Severus shook his head and tightened his grip around his wand. He would do it, if he had to. He would attack him. They stood staring at each other for what seemed to be an eternity. Everything around them was gone, both of them neither heard nor saw anything but their opponent, concentrated on watching every little move. Severus saw the other man's hand twitch and immediately reacted, casting a spell to block Saburac's disarming spell even before he had uttered it. He was pretty pleased about having guessed the Auror's next step correctly but what he hadn't taken into account was that Saburac actually had some help.

Severus was hit by a strong curse that knocked him off his feet and threw him backwards against the wall, leaving him lying on the ground with a deep wound between his neck and his right shoulder that was bleeding badly and sending waves of pain through his arm and chest.

_Yes, maybe I should have just dropped my wand and surrendered._

He could see one of the Aurors being hit by a curse and falling to the ground, unconscious, injured or dead, he didn't know and didn't care. Severus closed his eyes. The voices sounded dull and far away and it was getting colder. He tried to get hold of his wand but he couldn't even feel his fingers moving anymore. Blood was slowly running down his arm and soaking through his shirt. It was silent all around him. But he had felt worse before and lived through it so he was pretty sure he wasn't going to die - although right now it didn't sound that bad to him at all.

Sascha Saburac walked over to him, knelt down next to him, frowned as he touched his throat to feel his pulse and muttered some swear words that weren't meant to be heard by anyone. He held his wand over the wound on his shoulder and whispered a few spells to stop the bleeding before he quickly glanced around himself to make sure his colleagues were still busy. Severus began to stir slightly, blinked a few times but didn't recognise the Auror before he had picked up his wand from the ground, seized his arm and they both disapparated.

  


What the hell is wrong with you!

Severus blinked and stared up at the person looming over him out of narrowed eyes while waiting for the image to come into focus. You're trying to fucking kill me or what... He muttered.

_You _seem to be the one doing his best to get yourself killed! Sascha Saburac barked.

You cast the first spell.

A disarming spell because you just wouldn't drop your bloody wand!

Severus looked around himself and only now realised he was back in front of the gates of Hogwarts - that had happened a little too often lately, he didn't really plan on making a habit out of lying around near the anti-apparition border at three in the morning.

I simply blocked it, what else was I supposed to do... He muttered and brought his hand up to his shoulder to touch his blood soaked shirt and cloak.

I didn't cast _that_ one, in case you shouldn't have noticed. Saburac said, calmer now, very well understanding this action as the reproach it was meant to be. Severus didn't reply anything so they both just remained silent for a while before Saburac held his hand out to him. Come on, I'll help you up to the castle.

I definitely don't need _your_ help. Severus hissed.

Don't be so stubborn, you're in no condition to walk up there on your own.

Severus just turned his head to stare into the distance and after a few more seconds the Auror let his arm sink again and shook his head. Fine. If you insist on being an idiot, just sit there till hell freezes over, I don't care. He muttered and started walking, only to come to a halt again after a few steps. Your wand. He added with a sneer, tossed it towards him, Severus tried to catch it with his left hand, failed, had to pick it up from the ground and the Auror left him on his own.

_Now I'm one idiot. It's snowing. Till hell freezes over... if the weather stays like this at least I won't have to wait for too long. Damn it. I'm such an idiot._

  


Sascha Saburac had truly had enough of him. He really had tried but that guy was just unbearable and he was not going to waste any more of his time with trying to get along with him.

Stubborn idiot... He muttered as he made his way across the meadow up to the entrance doors. The snowing became heavier and the grass was almost covered in white now. He slammed the heavy wooden doors shut loud enough to wake up half the castle and trudged across the hall, leaving behind small puddles of dirty water with every step. He quickly glanced around in search of the telltale cat - the last thing he needed now was Filch scolding him like a student for messing up his precious floor. Once he had reached the first floor he came to a halt. Personally he wouldn't have cared much to leave Snape out there to freeze to death - well, or to catch himself a really nasty cold at least. Dumbledore wouldn't be too happy about it though, he really seemed to have a soft spot for that moron - for whatever reason. Sascha sighed and set off towards the infirmary.

He knocked on the door, opened it a little and looked around the room. There were no patients to take care of but nonetheless, Madam Pomfrey was on her feet and ready to do her work in a matter of seconds.

What is it? She asked, sounding very concerned and immediately looking him over to see if he was all right.

I just wanted to let you know that, in case someone should care, you can pick up that unbearable git Snape in front of the gates where he's sitting and waiting to freeze to death because he's too proud and too stubborn to accept my help.

The mediwitch stared at him dumbstruck for a moment before she took a deep breath. Is he really... She muttered and shook her head. Rest assured, I will take care of this.

Sascha smiled at her upon realising that she knew very well what he was talking about before setting off towards his bedroom. He was getting too old for these midnight adventures.

  


  


**************

**************

AN: Thank you to everyone for reading, I hope you liked it.

Anna Mette: Thank you! It's so great to hear you even read this more than once and that it makes you think about the characters and everything :) It's not in chapter 7 although Dumbledore there surely gains himself some respect from Snape by reminding him that he's a little more than just the kind old headmaster. I'll be writing about some of the other things you mentioned in my next chapters, I hope you'll like it.

shadowycat: Thank you! I'm so glad you liked it :) What Snape learned about the kids in the last chapter will be one of the reasons for him to want to be Head of Slytherin House although I will probably not be making that happen within this story.

risi: Thank you! Yes, I think McGonagall knows pretty well how to handle him without even letting him notice ;)

emma: Thank you! It's great to see you're still reading and still like it :)

n snape: Thank you! I'm glad you liked it :) It's one of the reasons he'll become Head of House although not yet and probably not in this story.

  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  



	20. I Don't Even Like Children

I Don't Even Like Children

Maybe you're asking a little too much of him. McGonagall stirred her tea while standing at the staff room window and looking down onto the snowy grounds. She couldn't deny that she was worried about Severus. Sure, he was all right again now, he hadn't been hurt too badly and Madam Pomfrey hadn't had much of a problem convincing him to accompany her to the hospital wing instead of freezing to death out there - she took her work very seriously and didn't allow any discussions. Still, she was worried. She had always been aware that he was taking quite a lot of risks by doublecrossing the Dark Lord but what she had never thought of before was the danger their own side meant to him. Nobody in the Ministry knew about his position and it had to be kept secret from them because once it became known, Voldemort would soon know as well - and probably the Ministry wouldn't accept this anyway, they wouldn't trust him.

I don't feel as if I was taking advantage of him. Dumbledore replied thoughtfully. I believe that he's doing what he thinks is right, otherwise he would have turned down my offer.

If a man is drowning, would he ever refuse a hand offered to him?

Didn't he prove just last night that he would? Sascha Saburac said and sat down at the table with a cup of coffee. He took a sip and leaned back in his chair. He's not a child anymore, there's no need to become overly protective He said to McGonagall. He's young and, no doubt, he might be acting pretty childish at times, but he's a very skilled wizard and he can be quite a dangerous man when following the wrong orders.

McGonagall sighed, knowing he was probably right. Still, often times when she looked at him, especially when he returned from one of those gatherings, tired, exhausted or maybe even injured, she couldn't help but remember the desperate thirteen year old she had been cradling in her arms while he was crying, hiding his face in her shoulder. He had never told her what had been wrong with him that night and she knew she would probably never find out. At least she knew, like barely anyone else, how sensitive and fragile he actually was behind that mask of coldness, arrogance and cynicism.

He didn't do anything that could make me doubt his loyalty. Dumbledore said. He didn't attack you, Sascha, did he?

He didn't exactly surrender either... Saburac muttered.

You couldn't expect him to. Dumbledore replied. You know he doesn't trust you.

Well, it would have been healthier for him. The Auror got up from his chair. You'll have to excuse me now, I have some sixth years waiting for me. He said and left the staff room, taking his cup of coffee with him.

He reached the classroom door only a few minutes later, emptied his cup and took a deep breath before stepping inside. Gryffindors and Slytherins, not what he'd call fun. The older the kids were the harder it was for him to get along with them and as much as he hated to admit it, he had the biggest problems handling the students from his own house. He had tried to be nice, to become their friend and gain their trust, but he had very soon found out that his way didn't work. Ever since then he had been quire strict with them - he was convinced that what they needed most was discipline and some clear rules to keep to.

You two, your seats are in the first row. He muttered to two Slytherins sitting in the back of the classroom while walking towards his desk. Mr. Collingfield, whatever you have there on your table that doesn't belong here, make it disappear right away. He didn't stop walking and barely even looked at his students while giving his orders, wondering only for a moment why the Gryffindors showed more respect to him than his own house's students. Miss Dalesy, take your seat now. Mr. Taylor, put that book away. Silence and attention now! He added, raising his voice a little, as soon as he had reached his desk.

The lesson didn't go too well. Adrian Taylor, the skinny, pale, blond Slytherin boy who usually spent his time with reading books instead of listening to his teacher, managed to get him involved in a lengthy discussion about certain curses and countercurses that made him lose his nerve. After fifteen minutes he offered him to continue their talk after the lesson had ended but once that kid started talking, there was no stopping him. Saburac threatened him with taking points from Slytherin for disturbing the class but that didn't seem to impress him much. He took points, first five, then ten, but the boy simply went on, telling him he was wrong and that he knew better. Adrian only had enough when his Head of House handed out a detention to him.

You just can't handle criticism, can you! Adrian growled, jumped up from his chair and stormed out of the classroom.

His teacher sighed and went after him but when he stepped out onto the corridor he could only see him vanishing behind the next corner. Hearing footsteps behind him he turned around and rolled his eyes upon seeing Snape slowly walking towards him, wearing a familiar sneer.

We're not having problems with the discipline, are we? Severus asked silkily.

Do it better... Saburac hissed.

That shouldn't be too difficult.

Well, why don't you prove it? The Auror was very well aware that his whole class was watching him now and he did not want to sustain another defeat in front of their eyes.

Make me Head of House and I will. Severus said with a smirk and set off to walk past him down the corridor.

Be careful what you wish for! Saburac called after him but Severus just raised a dismissive hand without stopping or turning around - he wasn't in the mood to listen to an old Auror's collection of wise proverbs.

  


Severus found Adrian Taylor sitting in an empty classroom and reading his book. The boy had left the door open, obviously not worried that Saburac would follow him or about getting caught. He stepped into the doorway and folded his arms.

Mr. Taylor?

Adrian looked up and quickly closed his book.

Aren't you supposed to be in class?

Yes, I am supposed to. The boy replied without making the impression as if he cared too much about this fact.

So why are you sitting here on your own? Did everyone else leave and you missed it because you were too lost in your book?

No, Sir. I just thought it might be wiser to leave instead of risking to lose a few more points for my house.

I'm afraid you're in a dead end situation then because if you don't return to your class on the instant you will not only lose points but also receive a detention from me.

But Kohanek is just completely incompetent, he... Adrian tried to justify himself but he didn't get far.

Although you might not always agree with _Professor _Kohanek, he's your teacher, so I suppose some respect would be due.

Why should I show respect to someone who treats me like scum? Adrian muttered.

Because people will only treat you in a respectful way if you do the same. _That could be something I should consider myself, right?_

Adrian took a deep breath and stared down at the table for a moment. I'll give that a try.

Severus nodded, turned away and left the boy on his own. He didn't feel the need to watch him, he was convinced he would go back to his class.

  


So while I can't deny that I can't stand him, I have to admit that he really knows how to deal with those kids. Sascha Saburac was sitting in an armchair in the headmaster's office and drinking a cup of tea. The Slytherins especially.

Dumbledore smiled and shook his head. I never really expected that to be one of his talents. He said softly.

Sascha returned his smile. I just wonder how he does it - does he scare them to death or is just being a Slytherin already enough to be worthy of their respect?

I don't know, Sascha. The headmaster replied with a sigh. But the Slytherin kids definitely are difficult to handle. They know they are mistrusted and suspected by almost everyone around them, that's why it's hard for them to trust others, especially people they don't regard as one of their own.

Sascha got up from his chair, walked over to the window and looked out into the night. Today had been the last day of school before the Christmas holidays and Hogwarts grounds were covered in white snow, glistening in the moonlight. You know that I won't be able to stay any longer than till the end of this term.

Dumbledore raised an eyebrow. You're not suggesting that I'll make Severus Head of House, are you?

I'm afraid that's actually what I was thinking about... Do you regard that as an idea too absurd? Saburac asked and turned away from the window to face him.

No. Actually I've been flirting with that idea for a while now already, I'm merely surprised to hear something like that from you exactly.

Sascha smiled broadly at him. Well, aside from the fact that I have a down on him I can't think of anything that would speak against it.

Dumbledore nodded slowly. Yes... the only thing I worry about is that it might become too much for him. He said thoughtfully. He's already got the world on his shoulders now.

Sascha shook his head. He's a soldier, it will take a little more to make him crack up. Couldn't it rather be some sort of compensation to him for his other... _duties_?

So you think it might actually be something he would want to do? Dumbledore asked.

Well, he definitely doesn't like seeing _me_ in this position - which is absolutely understandable - so I suppose anything that would get me out of there would be appreciated by him.

I'll have to agree with you on that. The headmaster replied with a smile. I will mention this idea to him, at given time.

  


That time Dumbledore had been waiting for came some weeks into the new year, or at least that's what he thought. He had come to the potions classroom at the end of Severus' last lesson of the day to suggest becoming successor to Saburac as Head of Slytherin House to him. All he got as a reply was a halfhearted laugh and a shaking of the head, which left him slightly surprised.

I was pretty serious about that, actually. Dumbledore said.

Severus looked at him for a few seconds. _You didn't present that idea to anyone who didn't start laughing out loud yet, did you?_ He shook his head once more, turned away from him and gathered his papers from his desk.

Sascha and Minerva thought it to be quite a good idea.

Severus rolled his eyes before he turned to face him again. I'm sorry - I really do appreciate this but it's simply impossible.

Dumbledore asked.

Severus took a deep breath and leaned back against his desk, the pile of papers in his hands. Dumbledore had a very special talent to ask questions which he already knew the answer to and simply wanted the person asked to think about - and he did it with the innocence of a child, without ever letting the fact that he was pulling the strings become too obvious.

Various reasons. Severus said in a low voice. There are others here deserving a position like that more than me, people who have been here for many years. I don't have any qualifications, I already wondered how you managed to keep me here as a teacher. So even if the Ministry should never find out about my concern with the Dark Lord, they won't accept it because I'm too young, I'm not qualified and it's pretty obvious that I don't like children and don't know how to handle them.

Dumbledore smiled at him. You know that's not true.

If you'd make a survey I'd be the one to win the most-hated-teacher-ever-award. Severus muttered. As I told you, I truly appreciate it, but I don't think it's a good idea.

Think about it, Severus. The headmaster said and turned to leave, knowing very well that discussing this any further would be pointless. These kids need someone they can trust in.

_Sure, they need something better than an Auror deceiving them and spying on them. But not me. They need a role model, they need a way to follow. And that's nothing I can offer them._

  


What did he say? McGonagall had been waiting for Dumbledore at the entrance to the dungeons on the ground floor.

He's going to think about it.

He said no? McGonagall sounded pretty surprised. 

Because he doesn't regard himself as suitable for this job. Dumbledore slowly started walking across the entrance hall towards the stairs and McGonagall followed him. To me he seems very insecure, thinking he might not be capable of accepting such a responsibility.

But he's perfect for this job - he cares for those children. He barely ever lets it show but it's true. And the Slytherins trust him.

The headmaster just nodded silently. He knew that, in Severus' eyes, he had betrayed these children by making Sascha their head of house, even though he had intended it to be for their own good as well. And he also knew that Severus was a true Slytherin and therefor took everything regarding 'his' house very personal so he probably wouldn't make it too easy for him by just taking the job.

Maybe I should talk to him. McGonagall suggested.

Dumbledore smiled. Don't push him, Minerva. He said softly. You know it doesn't lead anywhere.

McGonagall sighed. Yes, she knew. But she also knew she was right. She had taken this into her head ever since Christmas when she had overheard Severus talking to a very lonely and homesick first year Slytherin boy who had to stay in school over the holidays. The kid had spoken to him, being just an eleven year old instead of a strong and brave Slytherin, and Severus had listened without being the malignant and strict teacher and without making the kid serve detention for being out past curfew. She just knew it would be best, for him and for those kids, and she hoped that maybe he could also be the one to show them a different way to go, lead them away from the Darkness. At least some of them. Maybe.

  


***********

***********

AN: All right, I hope some of you liked this chapter better than I did (I still liked it last night when I finished writing it ;) Anyway, I'll try to come up with something better in the next few days, there will probably be three or four more chapters to this story so prepare for some jumping forward through time.

I really hope ffnet is going to let me post this sooner or later... sorry it took so long, it's been waiting to be uploaded for days, I'll upload the next chapters on my website if that happens again, so check there if you shouldn't find anything here...

shadowycat: Thank you. I'm glad you liked it! Yes, being so stubborn isn't always a very useful character trait, is it ;)

Sarah: Thank you. I'm glad you liked the last chapter, thank you for letting me know :) I have something different in mind for the end of the story already, hope you'll still like it!

R: Thank you. It's great to hear you like it, I hope you'll keep enjoying it :)

emma: Thank you. Here you are ;)

Anna Mette: Thank you. Go on and on... ;) I'm glad to hear you also liked my other stories and also that you liked this one best because it's probably the one I put most effort in (well, it's the longest, that might be a reason...)

risi: Thank you for writing me another one then ;) You're right, Saburac isn't such a bad guy really but of course that's no reason for Severus not to loathe him...


	21. It's Always Darkest

It's Always Darkest Before It Goes Completely Black

So Lily Potter was expecting a child. Severus had learned about it not from Dumbledore but actually from Lucius Malfoy. Because the headmaster had not thought it important enough to inform him about it. Although he had warned him before and, very early this morning, as soon as he had returned to the castle, he had warned him again. It _was_ important. Maybe even more important than anything else. None of Voldemort's followers seemed to know why, but this was the day the Dark Lord had feared as much as he had longed for it.

Severus waved his wand a little to the left and the jar that had been floating in the middle of the room dropped to the floor. The glass shattered, the liquid trickled away into the wooden floorboards and left the contents of the jar lying on the ground. He didn't bother to even take his feet off the table and look at the mess he had just created - it definitely wasn't the first jar that had ended up like that tonight. He smiled at this old annoying habit of his to become a little destructive whenever he felt frustrated and let another jar fly from the shelf and across the room - Flitwick would probably have been delighted to see how well he by now managed that spell that he had had so much trouble with when he had been a student.

Yes, the headmaster had assured him he had arranged everything. Severus had to admit he felt slightly offended by the fact though that he didn't tell him what exactly he had .

_Then again, I could have asked him and he might just as well have told me._

Whatever it was Dumbledore had planned there, Severus truly hoped it would be enough. Voldemort was strong, he had become stronger than ever before, gaining power every day over the last three months, after those little setbacks he had had to endure. And now he wanted the Potters, or rather, their child. He would wait until it was born and then he would strike again.

He sent the jar racing across the room, made it smash against the stone wall and let his arms drop down to the sides of his chair. No, destroying things wasn't half as satisfactory anymore as it used to be. And aside from that, it didn't change anything. He remembered McGonagall telling him exactly the same after he had blown up one of those old stone statues in the gardens outside the school in his fifth year. She might have been right. He knew he could have been expelled for that.

James Potter. Oh how he had never wanted to hear that name again - and now it was the one and only prominent thought on his mind. He didn't care about Potter, he didn't care if he was well or if he was miserable, if he lived or died. Or rather, he didn't want to care, yet he had to. Because he was indebted to him. As much as he hated it, it was a fact. And he was determined to repay his debts - as any honourable wizard would. There was that word again - honourable. That word that he had never really related to himself.

For a moment his gaze lingered on the lizard-like creature floating in a large jar standing on the floor in a corner of the room. The yellowed label was beginning to peel off the glass and the jar was covered in dust. That ugly little thing had already been here when he had still been a student and today he knew no more than back then what for it actually was there.

He took a deep breath, got up from his chair, put his wand back beneath his cloak and walked over to the door.

  


Severus wasn't the only one to dwell on the past, the Dark Lord and the way of the world that night. When Dumbledore had returned to the staff room after dinner to look for his second-favourite quill which he remembered having seen there last, he had instead found Minerva McGonagall, sitting in her usual place and studying an article written for 'Transfiguration Now and Then' by one of her former students. They had already been talking for hours by now - it usually became late whenever they allowed themselves to start a conversation. Of course it hadn't been too long before James and Lily Potter had become subject of their little chat. They had both been present when Severus had burst into Dumbledore's office early that morning to tell them what he had learned and to warn them once again, and the fact that the Dark Lord seemed to be so determined to kill the Potter child - for a reason probably unknown to anyone but himself - as soon as it was born had left them with a lot to think about.

Still I'm afraid that James might not be taking my warning as seriously as he should. Dumbledore said thoughtfully.

You didn't mention Severus' name, did you? McGonagall asked.

The headmaster smiled vaguely. That would have been reason enough for him not to listen to me at all.

McGonagall nodded slowly. A secret keeper is a good start at least, I hope you will still try to convince them to put up some additional protection charms. Severus seems to be seeing them in considerable danger.

Yes. And although I think he might be overreacting due to his special relationship to James, I'm taking this issue very seriously.

There was a knock on the door and they both looked up.

Can I have a minute? Severus asked, looking straight at Dumbledore, barely taking note of McGonagall.

Any time. The headmaster replied and waved him inside. Severus stepped through the door, closed it, but didn't sit down at the table.

May I ask what sort of security arrangements you made? He asked matter-of-fact, folding his arms in front of his chest.

Of course you may. Dumbledore said. We decided to assign a secret keeper for them.

Severus asked.

Sirius Black.

Severus burst out. You can't be serious about that. Black... He muttered and shook his head. Yes, he loathed than man. Of course he knew that Potter regarded him as a friend, but Black just wasn't a trustworthy person. He was so careless and selfish and... he simply should never be trusted with anything as important as this.

I know you don't think very highly of him, but he has always been a close and good friend to James and Lily. Dumbledore said.

Yes, a really good friend. Severus hissed. I hope that's not all you did?

At the moment, it is. Dumbledore replied. I will still have to convince them to accept some of my other recommendations.

Severus hesitated for a moment. Sir, you should really be taking this very very seriously. He said. I've never seen the Dark Lord so determined before. He continued softly. He always gets what he wants.

Rest assured I'm treating this with all the seriousness it deserves.

I do hope so. Severus muttered more to himself, nodded his goodbye to them and left to prowl the castle for a while.

He felt very much like watching some students turn into trembling, cowering wrecks under his glare and then hand out a detention to them, but unfortunately either all those little mischief-makers had decided to keep to the rules tonight or they were just too clever to get caught - although he seriously doubted that. All that was left for him to do was to walk along quiet empty corridors, glaring at a suit of armor or the empty face of a stone statue every now and then.

Damn you, Potter. Severus muttered under his breath. Will I ever get rid of you... He stopped walking and smirked at a painting showing some old ladies sitting at a table and having tea. Then again, my real problem is that I might get rid of you sooner than the rest of the world would have expected. The old ladies looked up from their plates and teacups, scrutinizing that man walking about the school so late. Severus took a deep breath and walked on. He had to admit he found it somehow amusing that Potter felt the urge to populate the world with his offspring more or less at the same time as his old archenemy Malfoy. Severus hadn't really jumped for joy when Lucius had told him about that. Luckily Malfoy hadn't taken his reaction amiss and blamed it on his composed personality rather than on the fact that Severus simply thought he would do mankind the biggest favour by not spreading his genes across the world. He frowned at the picture of hundreds of silver-blond carbon copies of Lucius Malfoy crowding the hallways of Hogwarts that was forming in his mind.

  


The summer holidays came, the days became longer and warmer but remained as uneventful as anyone could hope for. Voldemort kept a low profile but nevertheless didn't neglect making sure the world wouldn't forget he was still there. The main part of the wizarding world seemed to try to follow the old well known dogma of 'see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil' and only very few were aware of the fact that this was only the stillness before the storm that was going to descend upon them.

Severus knew that. It was a too hot and too sunny day in the summer holidays when Dumbledore told him that Lily Potter had given birth to a son. Harry James Potter. The headmaster of course was extremely delighted about the news - Severus couldn't share this feeling. Not because of his dislike for Potter but because he knew that now it was only a question of time for Voldemort to do what he had planned. So if it hadn't been for the glad news today actually could have been a good day: no students, no lessons, no staff meetings, no gatherings. And no 'come-and-see-the-baby' at Malfoy Manor. Oh yes, Lucius was a proud father - especially because it was a son. The last time he had even asked him if he didn't think it was about time for him to start a family, if he didn't want any children. No, he didn't. Definitely not. He regarded one of his kind enough for this world. That wasn't what he had replied though, trying to evade further discussions he had rather settled for muttering something about maybe thinking about it.

Severus was pretty relieved that he would at least definitely not be invited to be shown the little Potter brat. He stood up from his chair, walked over to the cauldron, added some lacewing flies and remained standing there for a second to watch the potion change its colour from a dirty brown to a bright and clear red.

**************

**************

shadowycat: Thank you! What a fast review, I didn't really expect anyone to review before I upload this one :) Yes, pretty Gryffindor heavy indeed, so I let him be the only Slytherin among the staff at this moment

Sarah: Thank you! Another fast review, I'm really glad you liked it :)


	22. Memories Of Failure

AN: An author's note at the beginning of the chapter just to make sure nobody is too surprised by the next pretty giant leap in time we make. So, be prepared ;)

******************

  


Memories Of Failure

The sun had already set and it was pleasantly dark and cold on this rainy November day as Severus walked up to the graveyard. He knew pretty well that it hadn't been a very wise idea to come here and now as he was making his way across the muddy ground he felt that he hadn't even wanted to come. Actually the only thing he wanted to do right now was to turn around and get away from here as far and as fast as possible. Still there was something deep inside of him that made him walk on, something telling him he had to do this in order to make this neverending story finally come to an end. Once he had reached the small chapel he came to a halt, hiding in the shadows and looking up the hill.

A few hours ago hundreds of people had been here, mourning for the martyrs. Now only two of them were left. One he immediately recognised, despite the distance and the darkness - Albus Dumbledore. Yes, he had to be here. And Severus had also expected him to be the last to leave. He hesitated for a moment. The headmaster was one of the many people he didn't really want to meet although he was one of the few who would not call for some Aurors to have him arrested right away. Severus was well aware of the fact that he was on their dead-or-alive-list by now. Lucius had told him about that. He had looked truly stricken that night when they had met. As if he had really believed those days would never end, that they would fight and never lose. But now those days had ended in a blaze.

Severus knew his name had been mentioned as one of the first and more than once since the night the Dark Lord had disappeared and the Ministry had started arresting his followers. It had been easy for the Ministry - bereaved of their leader and presented with the Aurors as a new source of fear and threat to their life the Death Eaters didn't show much loyalty to each other. They all knew they were outlawed prey now and in this situation charity began at home. Severus had expected no different - he would have done the same. He had left the castle and his only so recently acquired more or less normal life behind that night, the night of Voldemort's downfall. He hadn't even told the headmaster. All he had done was to write him a short note, thanking him for what he had done for him and telling him he had to leave. There were no explanations needed, Dumbledore would understand why. He had considered apologizing to him for failing him but hadn't been able to find the right words. Words could never make up for these deaths.

Severus took a deep breath and started to walk up the hill. Even before Dumbledore noticed his presence, the man standing next to him whirled around to face him.

Of course - the werewolf's sharp senses had to notice him even before the headmaster did. It had taken Severus a moment to recognise him, they hadn't met for quite a few years. The loyal wolf - he hadn't changed much. They stood motionless and stared at each other for a second that seemed like an eternity before Remus Lupin set into motion, striding towards him. Severus didn't move.

Lupin growled, sounding more like a wolf than like a man, a mad sparkle in his eyes. Dumbledore started to follow him down the hill. How dare you show up here. Lupin hissed, coming to a halt directly in front of him and staring straight into his eyes. Severus just stood there, holding his gaze but unable to think of any snide remark to greet him with. What the hell do you want? Lupin whispered.

Pay my respects. Severus replied softly, glancing past the other man to see Dumbledore standing only a few steps behind him. Had it not been for him he might actually have considered to turn and run - he had never seen the werewolf look so dangerous.

You have no right to be here. Lupin said in a strained low voice, obviously fighting the urge to lunge at him.

Severus swallowed hard. He was right, he shouldn't have come here. It was too late now. They were dead, he had failed to repay his debts and the story was over.

Dumbledore stepped up to them and put a hand on Lupin's shoulder. Remus, please. He said softly. You don't know everything.

I know enough. Lupin hissed, still staring at Severus who finally gave in and lowered his gaze to the ground. And I'll make sure he will pay for what he did.

Dumbledore said in a serious voice that didn't allow any protest.

But headmaster... Lupin was immediately silenced with a look that told him Dumbledore would explain this to him - later, not now.

Dumbledore said softly. Let me help you.

Severus shook his head. I'm well beyond your help by now. You will have to face enough questions for what you have done for me already.

You have to turn yourself in.

Never. I'm not going back to Azkaban.

Lupin was standing next to them, listening to every word that was spoken, yet not understanding what anything of this was about. All he knew and all he cared about at the moment was that Snape was a Death Eater and that they and their master were responsible for the deaths of two of his closest friends.

What is this life on the run worth? Dumbledore asked.

At least I'm free. Severus muttered. _Even though I probably don't deserve to be free. What makes me so different from all the others, those ending up in Azkaban now to pay for what they did?_

You're not alone. You just have to allow us to help you.

I can take care of myself. Severus replied without looking at him and set off to walk past him up the small hill. He hadn't wanted this to sound so cold and ungrateful but at least it seemed to work: Dumbledore didn't follow him.

He stopped for a moment when he heard the headmaster calling after him but he didn't turn back. You know where to find me. Severus just nodded and walked on.

  


He felt his heart beating faster the closer he got to the headstones that were casting long, dark shadows towards him. And he could feel emotions building up inside of him, nearly too strong for him to handle them. Hate. Potter was dead and he still hated him. Maybe now he hated him even more than before. Even in death he was better than him. He had died as a martyr, he had given his life not only to save his child but to save the whole world from Darkness. And with his death he had taken the last chance away from him to pay his debts - he would be indebted to this man forever.

He stood in front of the graves, staring down at the cold stone, not knowing what to think or what to do. This was just not right, not the way it was meant to be, he had failed. Lupin hadn't been so wrong to blame him. He should be lying there now, not Potter. Instead he was still alive, standing here, not knowing what to say, not knowing how to put 'I hate you' and 'I'm sorry' into the same sentence.

Pictures began to pop up in his mind. Not really memories, just incoherent glimpses of a past long gone. Potter and Lupin in the potions classroom. Potter in his Quidditch uniform, Lily next to him, walking to the field. Potter sitting at a table in the library. Black sneering. Potter standing in McGonagall's office. The three of them walking down a hallway, Pettigrew scurrying after them.

Severus closed his eyes for a moment, listening to the soft wind whispering through the cemetery trees. There was no other sound, just peaceful silence. He was somehow glad that he had been forced to come here so late - he had always felt most comfortable in the darkness of the night, it had always offered him safety, warmth and consolation. He opened his eyes again to look up at the silver moon. Although he didn't want to admit it to himself, somewhere deep inside of him, beyond all the hate and anger, he felt something like sorrow. He lowered his gaze and looked down at the two headstones, letting his eyes travel across the engraved letters.

So this is how it ends. He whispered bitterly.

Yes, the story was over.

  


Dumbledore was still standing next to the small old chapel together with Lupin and watching him as he started to slowly walk away from the gravestones. And as he watched him being swallowed by the dark shadows, a part of him hoped this wouldn't be the last time he saw him. But on the other hand, if he would never hear of him again, it would at least mean he was safe.

  


*************

*************

AN: As you can see I decided not to write about what happened the night the Potters died. I couldn't come up with a theory I myself liked enough to write it so I rather did it like this.

Two more chapters now - I'd love to make the story longer but I feel like I've said everything I wanted to say and I believe that when a story's over, you should stop writing on it (Especially I should do that because once I finished a story in my mind, trying to change it will result in nothing anyone would want to read ;)

  


Sarah: Thank you! It's always good to hear you liked it :)

shadowycat: Thank you :) You're probably right about book 5 and two chapters a day is definitely not my normal writing speed, it's only because ffnet wouldn't let me post for a few days so the second chapter was already written which makes it my usual two chapters in a week ;) I suppose there should be room for a sequel to actually make him Head of House. If creativity strikes again ;) I'm glad you liked it!

n snape: Thank you! I'm glad to see you're back and that you liked it :)

Headmaster Cromwell: Thank you! I'll have a closer look at your website as soon as I find the time.

Pendragon: Thank you! It's great to hear you like my writing and I'm glad you think I managed to write Severus in a believable way :) In case I should write a sequel there will be more about Snape and McGonagall, not in this story though.

setsuna: Thank you! I'm glad you like the story and 'my' Severus :)

milee: Thank you! I hope you'll keep enjoying it.

Anna Mette: Thank you! I'm always happy to hear you liked it :) You're right, it really was a big thing for him to ask Dumbledore about that.

Ronnie: Thank you! I'm glad you still like it :) Actually you're right about 'Lily' and about the potion but at the moment both are just ideas which might find a place in a possible sequel to this story.

Heather Granger: Thank you! I'm glad you like it :) It's tempting idea to write about why he joined the Death Eaters, but again, not in this story, but I'll keep it in mind.

Terra: Thank you for your comments! I hope you also liked the rest of the story.


	23. In Your Darkest Hour

In Your Darkest Hour

Albus Dumbledore was standing next to McGonagall in a dark and crowded corridor in the dungeons below the Ministry of Magic. A lot of people had gathered here, the Death Eater trials usually attracted a large audience. The atmosphere was tense, most of the witches and wizards present were waiting for today's trials to begin in silence and the few who did speak kept their voices very low.

Did they tell you anything yet? McGonagall asked softly while letting her eyes travel over the crowd standing a little further away from them.

Dumbledore replied. I did everything I could, now we can only hope it was enough. It had taken the Ministry nearly two months to track him down so there were probably a lot of people eager for seeing him sentenced to spend the rest of his time in prison and not wanting to let him get away too easily.

He didn't look good the last time I saw him.

Azkaban takes its toll on everyone. The headmaster replied. It hadn't been possible for him to attend Severus' trial so he had had to apply for a separate hearing to vouch for him, hoping his influence would be sufficient to get the boy out of this. He didn't want to see him ending up in Azkaban, he didn't deserve that, especially not after what he had gone through for their side now.

The crowd went silent and all heads turned as Mr. Crouch came walking along the corridor, accompanied by two court ushers. One of them unlocked the door and after Crouch had entered, those who could be regarded as the more important members of the audience, Dumbledore and McGonagall among them, followed him through the dark wooden doors. Once everyone had taken their seats on the benches at each wall of the room, Crouch stood up and cleared his throat.

The first point on the agenda will be the proclamation of sentence for Severus Snape. The moment he had ended his sentence the door in the corner of the large room opened again and everyone turned their heads to stare down there, waiting for the defendant's arrival. Severus was lead - or rather, dragged - into the dimly lit room, flanked by two Dementors, each of them grasping one of his arms. His eyes were half closed, he didn't perceive much of what was going on around him and as much as he hated the touch of those cold, dead hands, he also knew he had to be thankful for it because if the Dementors had let go of him, he would simply have collapsed to the ground. They lead him to a lonely chair standing in the middle of the room and made him sit down before retreating back outside through the entrance door, waiting in the dark shadows of the corridor. Severus didn't flinch when he felt the chains on the arms of the chairs beginning to creep up around his wrists and arms - it wasn't the first time time for him in this chair and in this room.

Dumbledore watched him closely. He looked even paler than usual, kept staring at the ground and he was still shaking a little - no surprise, regarding the fact that he had spent most of his time in the presence of Dementors lately. Dumbledore didn't like what he saw, Severus looked too much as if had given up already.

Severus Snape. Crouch started, glaring down at him. You have been brought here before the Council of Magical Law to be announced the sentence for the crimes you have been accused of.

Severus didn't look up. He didn't care. He didn't want to see all those faces, gloating, filled with hate and waiting for him to receive the punishment he deserved. What he would have wanted to do was to give Crouch and all the others one of his best, most arrogant smiles, but he knew very well that right now he wouldn't manage. For a second he considered to raise his head to see if McGonagall was sitting in the audience again. She had been there during his trial, looking down at him with that motherly 'everything-will-be-fine'-expression. Then again, even if she was there, he didn't want to see that look on her face again because now it would be nothing but a blatant lie to him.

We have heard all the evidence against you. Crouch continued. Is there anything you would like to add to your testimony before we pronounce judgement?

_Yes. Go to hell, all of you. And now get over with this - the game is done, the king is dead and it's time for the pawns to pay for their loyalty. Now I've never really been a pawn, have I? I think I may actually boast myself to have been a little more than that, a knight maybe. Or a castle. Yes, that would suit me best, I suppose. _He hadn't said a word when they had questioned him during his trial, it would have been useless, they wouldn't have fallen for any of his lame excuses. He had somehow expected to see Dumbledore there but actually was glad he hadn't shown up - whatever the headmaster could have said there would probably only have gotten him into trouble as well. The Ministry would never have believed one word of it. Severus took a deep breath. Now, with the Dementors gone, he slowly began to feel better and would he not have been waiting to be told that he would have to spend the rest of his life in Azkaban he would actually have considered feeling really good.

Crouch stared down at him, waiting, as did the rest of the audience. After a few seconds Crouch was convinced that man obviously did not want to say anything and turned to some witches and wizards seated to his left.

I now ask the jury to raise their hands if they find it right for the defendant to serve a lifetime sentence in Azkaban. Crouch said.

_The Dark Lord will rise again. No sweeter death than to die for the Dark Lord. Both very popular lines to say for a man in my position. I doubt I still believe in the latter. Actually I doubt I ever believed in it. I do believe in the first however. Still, now in my darkest hour, I suppose I'll rather stick to my habit of not saying anything at all._

Severus slowly raised his head a little, carefully glancing over at where he knew the members of the jury were seated. He had expected to see all hands up but not a single one of them moved. They all sat motionless, most of them didn't even look at him and none of them smiled one of those triumphant smiles that usually crept onto people's faces whenever they had the chance to convict a follower of the Dark Lord. Two or three of them though looked pretty much as if they wanted to raise their hand and had to struggle with themselves not to do it.

By common consent, the jury finds the defendant, Severus Snape, not guilty. Crouch proclaimed in a strained voice. Severus wasn't quite sure this was really happening, it just wasn't possible. He looked up at the man and saw Dumbledore and McGonagall sitting not too far away from him, both looking very pleased and smiling down at him while he just stared at them blankly. From behind him he heard footsteps, the magic chains released him and a hand grasped his arm and pulled him up from the chair. A human hand, not one of those Dementors. He looked up at Crouch again, this time managing a weak but victorious smile before he turned his head to look into the familiar face of Sascha Saburac. They hadn't met since the Auror had left the school and Severus actually hadn't expected to ever see him again, but now, as much as he hated to admit it, he was glad to see someone he knew.

What the hell is this about? He asked, sounding pretty hoarse, as Saburac lead him outside, not dragging him along like the Dementors did but rather making sure he'd make it out there without breaking down or tripping over his own feet. Severus hoped he didn't look half as bad as he felt - Azkaban had definitely left its traces on him.

The headmaster vouched for you. The Auror replied as soon as they had made it a few steps along the corridor, away from the door and the Dementors waiting there to take the next defendant inside. In another hearing just yesterday, we didn't have a chance to tell you about it.

Severus just stared at him blankly.

You're a free man now, once again. Saburac continued. This time _officially_ cleared of all charges.

Severus nodded slowly, beginning to get used to the thought.

The door to the courtroom opened again and Dumbledore and McGonagall stepped outside before the Dementors entered together with another man. Saburac turned away from him, strode towards Dumbledore and they shook hands.

Sascha, thank you for your efforts. The headmaster said.

Saburac smiled at him and nodded. Don't mention it. He replied and they exchanged a few more words before he followed the Dementors back into the courtroom while Dumbledore spoke to another man standing in front of the door.

McGonagall had walked over to Severus right away, smiled at him, asked him how he felt and patted him on his shoulder before taking him by his arm to lead him along the corridor, muttering something about wanting to get out of here as quickly as possible. He followed her willingly, agreeing with her that the Ministry's dungeons definitely weren't a place pleasant enough to stay any longer. They got past the guards without a problem and only a few minutes after Severus had still been convinced that he would probably never see the sun again they stepped out onto a relatively empty street.

I suppose I'm much obliged to you. Severus said in a low voice, narrowing his eyes when the bright sunlight hit him.

McGonagall smiled at him kindly. Albus will make sure you'll get your wand and other personal belongings back, I'll take you to the castle in the meantime. It's about time I'll get rid of that terrible cat of yours again.

Severus returned her smile. He didn't behave too badly, I hope.

Oh well, in my years as a teacher I have definitely seen worse.

  


*************

*************

AN: Thank you to everyone reading and especially to my reviewers :) The final chapter is more or less written and will be posted on Friday (if ffnet lets me, that is, as always ;) Speak of the devil... I actually uploaded this last night but it doesn't seem to be there. I'll upload it again. So forgive me if it shows up twice...

shadowycat: Thank you! I'm glad you liked it :) Because I love writing that dramatic stuff ;) As to why he didn't let Dumbledore help him: you're right about both, extreme Ministry mistrust and not sure enough his influence would be sufficient. 

Sarah: Thank you! It's great you liked it, thank you for letting me know :) I hope you also liked this one.

risi: Thank you! I'm glad you liked the way I handled the last chapter :) I hope you liked this chapter as well!

n snape: Thank you! I'm glad you liked the last chapter and that you don't regard a scene about the death of the Potters as essential either - it actually took me a while to come up with a way of writing about it without writing it ;)

Sosh: Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Wolf Moon: You're really such a youknowwhat, I know you haven't even read the books...


	24. It All Begins Again Where It Ends

It All Begins Again Where It Ends

When they entered the school Severus became aware that until now he hadn't even known what day it was - it was more or less impossible to keep track of that when spending your time in a dark dungeon cell doing absolutely nothing but waiting for the hours to pass. A look at the old grandfather clock in the entrance hall told him that now was the time when the students would go from their first to their second lesson, but since it remained very quiet in the castle it had to be a typical Saturday where the kids barely bothered to get up before noon. Which was a good thing actually for he didn't want to run into anyone on his way to... where ever he was supposed to be going now.

Do you need anything? Would you like to lie down a little? McGonagall asked once they were standing in the hall.

He shook his head. Thank you, I'm fine. It was really the last thing he wanted to do now, he felt like during his time in Azkaban he had already been lying around and trying to sleep long enough for a lifetime - it was one of the most useful activities one could pursue there after all.

Are you hungry?

Again, he said no.

Of course. McGonagall replied. Now if I wouldn't know better I might actually start believing in those rumours that you're a vampire after all.

Severus had to smile at this - he'd been called a lot of things, but never before a vampire. Is that what they're saying?

You didn't know? McGonagall asked. But I suppose you're not too surprised, it's pretty self-evident, isn't it?

Severus frowned. It is?

McGonagall muttered, obviously at a momentary loss of words. You can't deny that you do bear some resemblance to a giant bat when you're striding along corridors with that long black cloak fluttering behind you, you're usually paler than death itself because you never go outside and you're up all night, prowling about the castle.

He couldn't help but feeling like this was all sounding a little too much like his mother, telling him to go outside to play because the fresh air would do him good and to go to bed in time because he needed his sleep. Well, he had never listened to that and, unlike his mother had predicted, grown up - and pretty tall actually - nonetheless, so he wouldn't give up his old habits just because of that vampire-rumour.

And I never smile because I'm trying to hide my fangs from the rest of the world. Severus suggested.

That's an interesting idea, I will have to hint that to my students.

  


Severus didn't quite know what to do with himself during his day at Hogwarts. He was neither a student anymore nor a teacher right now so he considered himself more as something like a visitor, tolerated to walk about the castle on his own as long as he didn't interfere with the everyday life there. Like a stranger. Accompanied only by his annoyingly loyal cat that hadn't let him make one step alone ever since he had returned but at the same time always kept a few steps away from him - just as if having been told to watch over him and not really wanting to fulfill this task.

You know, you could at least _pretend_ you were happy that I'm back. Severus had stopped in the middle of a hallway, turned around and looked down at the cat that was busy staring at the wall, away from him. A good pet would do that. The cat didn't react. So you're mad at me because I left, right? Let me tell you one thing then: I didn't exactly have fun either.

The cat purred and, still without deigning to look at him, slowly walked past him and strutted along the hallway only to come to a halt again after a few steps, obviously waiting for him to follow. He sighed, muttered Little bastard. and did as he was expected to do.

During the afternoon he met some students in the corridors, most of them greeting him as politely and respectful as ever, only few giving him scrutinizing looks. Severus wondered if they knew about him. As far as he had been told his name hadn't showed up in the newspapers yet - there were no names given out before someone had been judged guilty. Not officially at least. It wasn't long before he had had enough of those kids' looks on him and decided to head for a more quiet and lonely place.

  


He had been standing on the tower for almost an hour already, not caring about the cold, the rain or the wind. It was a dark night and the stars were covered by gray clouds. He had closed his eyes and felt the icy breeze like a gentle caress on his wet skin. He remembered standing on the balustrade with his arms spread wide and waited for the same shrieking of an owl from the forest he had heard back then, but everything remained silent. It was so long ago, so many years, it seemed like a completely different life to him.

_I'm still the same kid that was standing here all these years ago, caught in a man's body and forced to live the life of a man I don't even know. How the hell did I get here? How did this happen? Just when? One step too far, one word too much, what's done is done._

Please tell me you're not thinking about jumping.

McGonagall again. It had to be her. It was exactly the same situation it had been back then - this time though he actually did not at all intend to jump.

Are you stalking me?

The headmaster has been looking for you all over the castle, I thought I might find you here.

He took a deep breath. He replied softly. He had been waiting for this and realised now that he had probably been trying to hide from him which would be the most reasonable explanation for why he was standing on the back tower in the pouring rain.

So are you coming back inside with me? McGonagall asked. You'll catch your death out here, it's freezing.

Yes, I'm coming. Severus cast another glance down at the shadowy forest before tearing himself away from the view and following her back into the castle.

  


Very well, thank you. Severus quickly replied to Dumbledore's initial question about how he felt. Sir, I'd like to express my gratitude, I know I wouldn't be here without your help.

The responsibility and the risks you accepted deserved some credit. The headmaster replied. You at least deserved to walk out of this as a free man.

_A free man. You can't trust freedom when it's not in your hands - I'll probably never truly be. _I appreciate your help.

Dumbledore smiled and simply nodded, realising that Severus would insist on having the last word about this.

So did you already think about what you want to do with your life now? The headmaster asked.

No, not really. Severus admitted. I'm afraid I'm pretty useless to you now that it's all over.

Well, as a spy, yes, there's not much left for you to do. Not at the moment at least. He replied.

_Not at the moment? _You don't believe it's over? Severus asked.

Do you? Dumbledore said softly, not even expecting an answer to his question.

_No, I don't believe it's over, I don't believe it ever will be. That game between good and evil has been on since the birth of mankind and, even if the players should change, it will continue till eternity. The Dark Lord will rise again. A lot of people still believe in it and I can't say that I don't._

Nonetheless, we still have a lot of work here for you as a teacher. The headmaster returned to the initial topic. I've had various people taking on your lessons during the last weeks but regarding the continuous rise in the number of mishaps during potions class, I think I can say that you're being dearly missed there. At least I can't seem to find anyone volunteering for these lessons anymore... all the Ravenclaw and Gryffindor second years have blue fur growing on their hands and arms since Professor Binns' potions class last Wednesday. Of course you'll have to deal with me constantly asking you to consider accepting the position as Head of Slytherin House - right now these kids need someone like you more than ever. Well, essentially what I'm saying is that we'd like to have you back here.

Severus hesitated.

You're under no obligation to accept this job. Dumbledore added. I just hoped you might be interested.

Of course I'd be interested. Severus replied, strikingly honest. And if you're actually willing to have me back here, it would be a pleasure for me to accept your offer.

I'll take that as a 'yes' then. Dumbledore replied with a smile. So, welcome back.

Thank you, sir. Severus said softly. And you may rest assured that if - or rather, when - the day will come, I will do anything that should be necessary.

I know, Severus. The headmaster said. Nonetheless, I hope you'll never have to prove that.

So do I. Severus replied.

_Hoping for the best but expecting the worst._

  


_~The End~_

  


  


************

************

AN: Well, that's it. I hope you enjoyed reading this story, I definitely enjoyed writing it. I'd like to thank everyone for reading and of course especially those of you who left me a review, I truly appreciate each single one. I'm sort of sad this story is over, I'll surely miss getting your feedback whenever posting a new chapter ;)

  


shadowycat: Thank you :) I'm glad you thought the chapter was worth waiting for until ffnet would finally make it show up ;)

Sarah: Thank you :) I hope you liked this one as well!


End file.
